Phil Johnson
@philjohnsoncomedy.bsky.social
Smart/Naughty Comedy and Music for Smart/Naughty People. 😉 Click this because you need to laugh 👉https://linktr.ee/philjohnsoncomedy
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New song out today and it's about exactly who you think it is. Listen at fanlink.tv/ahole2025
Reposted by Phil Johnson
It’s five years to the day since Donald Trump’s followers attempted to violently overthrow the democratically elected U.S Government following his repeated false claims that the election had been stolen.
If there was any justice Trump would be in prison, not the White House.
If there was any justice Trump would be in prison, not the White House.
January 6, 2026 at 7:44 AM
It’s five years to the day since Donald Trump’s followers attempted to violently overthrow the democratically elected U.S Government following his repeated false claims that the election had been stolen.
If there was any justice Trump would be in prison, not the White House.
If there was any justice Trump would be in prison, not the White House.
I've been saying this all along. New articles of impeachment regularly. They'll never run out of charges.
Put him on the back foot and change his focus.
Put him on the back foot and change his focus.
The purpose of pushing impeachment articles through the House, via a fucking discharge petition if necessary, is to make Trump have to spend resources defending himself in the Senate.
And if new impeachment articles come through every two weeks, you force the motherfucker on defense.
And if new impeachment articles come through every two weeks, you force the motherfucker on defense.
IMO the argument is that you can make things into big enough deals that it matters. Khanna found Massey and found survivors and made the Epstein Files the gigantic story it should be. Only then did establishment Dems come along. You can, in fact, make things into big hairy deals if you do it right.
January 6, 2026 at 4:52 AM
I've been saying this all along. New articles of impeachment regularly. They'll never run out of charges.
Put him on the back foot and change his focus.
Put him on the back foot and change his focus.
Reposted by Phil Johnson
We are a country whose Constitution, according to the Supreme Court, gives our own presidents immunity for crimes committed while in office, but we will prosecute presidents of other countries for alleged crimes and invade them to execute arrest warrants.
January 5, 2026 at 1:07 AM
We are a country whose Constitution, according to the Supreme Court, gives our own presidents immunity for crimes committed while in office, but we will prosecute presidents of other countries for alleged crimes and invade them to execute arrest warrants.
Shitty. Grow some balls like your franchisee, @hiltonhotels.bsky.social
...aaaaand we're back to not staying at Hilton. apnews.com/article/ice-...
Hilton, Minnesota hotel apologize for email canceling immigration agents' rooms
A Minnesota hotel that wouldn’t allow federal immigration agents to stay there this month is apologizing and saying the refusal violated its own policies.
apnews.com
January 6, 2026 at 4:09 AM
Shitty. Grow some balls like your franchisee, @hiltonhotels.bsky.social
Reposted by Phil Johnson
If the DEA had killed 80 innocent Americans in the course of apprehending one drug dealer, there would be riots. But we are so ghoulishly indifferent to the lives and humanity of people abroad that it's barely even part of the conversation.
A reminder that the US killed 80 people in Venezuela, and it would be nice if the US media cared enough to think that the life of a grandmother in Caracas whose building is destroyed by a US bomb matters as much as the life of a person in the US.
January 5, 2026 at 8:57 PM
If the DEA had killed 80 innocent Americans in the course of apprehending one drug dealer, there would be riots. But we are so ghoulishly indifferent to the lives and humanity of people abroad that it's barely even part of the conversation.
Reposted by Phil Johnson
Chris Murphy: "At some level he's winning tonight because clearly part of his intent here was to distract the American people -- you and I -- from what's happening here at home. You have 20 million families who are getting massive increases in their healthcare premiums. People will die."
January 6, 2026 at 1:57 AM
Chris Murphy: "At some level he's winning tonight because clearly part of his intent here was to distract the American people -- you and I -- from what's happening here at home. You have 20 million families who are getting massive increases in their healthcare premiums. People will die."
What do you want to bet that they put a woman in charge because they thought they could control her more?
January 5, 2026 at 12:27 AM
What do you want to bet that they put a woman in charge because they thought they could control her more?
We could have had nice things.
January 5, 2026 at 12:11 AM
We could have had nice things.
Polymarket had a wager as to whether Eleven would get killed off in the last episode of #strangerthings
To see all those faces fall when Mike tells the story at the end...
To see all those faces fall when Mike tells the story at the end...
January 5, 2026 at 12:01 AM
Polymarket had a wager as to whether Eleven would get killed off in the last episode of #strangerthings
To see all those faces fall when Mike tells the story at the end...
To see all those faces fall when Mike tells the story at the end...
We got a fake Xmas tree a couple years ago. So it's nice not to have to dump a nice tree in the gutter for the garbage man to pick up.
Instead we put ours in this creepy body bag every year.
Instead we put ours in this creepy body bag every year.
January 4, 2026 at 10:50 PM
We got a fake Xmas tree a couple years ago. So it's nice not to have to dump a nice tree in the gutter for the garbage man to pick up.
Instead we put ours in this creepy body bag every year.
Instead we put ours in this creepy body bag every year.
Reposted by Phil Johnson
I guess if you're going to buy a piece of shit you may as well paint like something that came out of a diaper.
December 28, 2025 at 2:12 AM
I guess if you're going to buy a piece of shit you may as well paint like something that came out of a diaper.
Can we make tomorrow Beat Boxing Day?
December 26, 2025 at 8:25 PM
Can we make tomorrow Beat Boxing Day?
Let's do it.
“It is proper, constitutional, and legal for a federal grand jury to indict a sitting president for serious criminal acts that are... contrary to, the president’s official duties. In this country, no one... is above the law.”
--Kenneth Starr (May 13, 1998)
www.nytimes.com/2017/07/22/u...
--Kenneth Starr (May 13, 1998)
www.nytimes.com/2017/07/22/u...
Can the President Be Indicted? A Long-Hidden Legal Memo Says Yes (Published 2017)
www.nytimes.com
December 26, 2025 at 12:20 AM
Let's do it.
Ditto on this. But sub in Kirk Hammett and Slash.
Thankful to The Beatles for making the guitar look cool when I was a little kid. Thankful to my parents for giving me a guitar and paying for a few lessons.
Thankful to the guitar for enriching every day of my life ever since.
Thankful to the guitar for enriching every day of my life ever since.
December 25, 2025 at 11:52 PM
Ditto on this. But sub in Kirk Hammett and Slash.
We don't have kids, but our robot vacuum barged into the bedroom this morning on his regular schedule while we were still sleeping.
So I get it, parents.
So I get it, parents.
December 25, 2025 at 10:15 PM
We don't have kids, but our robot vacuum barged into the bedroom this morning on his regular schedule while we were still sleeping.
So I get it, parents.
So I get it, parents.
I found the concept art for the new Trump-class battleships.
December 23, 2025 at 6:40 AM
I found the concept art for the new Trump-class battleships.
I don't know what he's worried about. He won't even hear about it when it happens.
Please no,
Don't tempt us with a good time...
Don't tempt us with a good time...
December 22, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I don't know what he's worried about. He won't even hear about it when it happens.
You know who took letters of marque to become privateers? Pirates. And only temporarily until they just became pirates again.
December 20, 2025 at 7:20 PM
You know who took letters of marque to become privateers? Pirates. And only temporarily until they just became pirates again.
So I see they spat in our face again today.
December 20, 2025 at 2:16 AM
So I see they spat in our face again today.
Of course Republicans know how much a pair of balls costs.
They've been shopping to replace the ones Trump took from them.
They've been shopping to replace the ones Trump took from them.
December 19, 2025 at 3:14 AM
Of course Republicans know how much a pair of balls costs.
They've been shopping to replace the ones Trump took from them.
They've been shopping to replace the ones Trump took from them.
My version definitely isn't either.
youtu.be/uEHS7w7ZruM?...
youtu.be/uEHS7w7ZruM?...
December 19, 2025 at 3:10 AM
My version definitely isn't either.
youtu.be/uEHS7w7ZruM?...
youtu.be/uEHS7w7ZruM?...
I'm about to go use the Trump-Men's Room at this Trump Arco station.
December 19, 2025 at 2:52 AM
I'm about to go use the Trump-Men's Room at this Trump Arco station.
"I mean, what's it gonna take to get you I to a dick today? Tell you what, let me talk to my manager and see if we can throw in the balls."
Dr Oz: "The creation of a penis costs on average in America $150,000 per child ... if you add testicles, that's extra"
December 18, 2025 at 8:06 PM
"I mean, what's it gonna take to get you I to a dick today? Tell you what, let me talk to my manager and see if we can throw in the balls."
Reposted by Phil Johnson
We need to recognize this isn’t a Trump issue only, this is every Republican in Congress allowing this. It’s not a Donald Trump problem, it’s the Republican Party!
December 17, 2025 at 12:20 PM
We need to recognize this isn’t a Trump issue only, this is every Republican in Congress allowing this. It’s not a Donald Trump problem, it’s the Republican Party!