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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 10h

a lot of things I tweet are just because I don’t want them to bounce around in my head forever. I don’t like the majority of them. But It does keep me from saying them out loud in a social situation

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 10h

if my own bloated corpse tried to rock out a sneakret Lake Mungo on me I’d snap my 1911 loose from twixt cheeks and waistband and send it to second heaven, a world where Jimmy Page’s riffs weren’t written by a man who deserves to be in prison

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 11h

I only played through GTA V just the one time twelve years ago but I wish I had known then that you could leave his dipshit son to face a gamer’s reckoning

REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 12h

this happened to me earlier. I ate half of a cheeseburger in the park. giddyup

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 14h

A scale model of the Batman: The Animated Series Batmobile. And not just any scale model. A Hot Wheel. Well. I suppose every man has his price

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 14h

3 Y.O. INTERNAL MONOLOGUE: There he was again, the mean sunavabitch. A face like a Make-A-Wish pug and a stink like old transmission grease. But wait - What was that in his hand

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 15h

I found out that my three year old nephew is scared of me (I don’t look very friendly and my voice sounds like sandpaper being rubbed across a rusty oil drum, totally understand) but I’ve also discovered that fear vanishes pretty fast if you just bring him Hot Wheels

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 15h

KEEP HONKING - I’M LISTENING TO “THE CHRONOMANCER I: HUBRIS” BY THE SWORD

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 22h

Benjamin Franklin watching me emerge through the time portal shortly before I fuck up history by making him obsessed with inventing slim fit jeans

a close up of a man wearing sunglasses

ALT: a close up of a man wearing sunglasses

media.tenor.com

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

my mother informed me that my nephew has several die-cast toy cars that are what she calls “all the Lightning McQueen” characters

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

I got the car limped into storage but that sucked big time

REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

Thank god I disconnected all the safety stuff that doesn’t let you steer the car in gear

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

Lmao perfect time for the clutch linkage to blow apart

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

Chili’s now offers something called the “Quesadilla Explosion Salad”

REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 1d

Well, it’s just concerning for one of our employees to have a social media presence like this. Some of these, I don’t know what they mean. Like what does “Making her holler like Howard Dean” mean

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

Don’t make me take off my Inhibitor Rings, dude

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

oh good my Master of Reality 8-track! Right where I left it fifteen years ago! In a tub full of Volkswagen parts! I am not a well man

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

Bankrupto! Bankrupto! BANKRUPTO

REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

obviously helps if you’ve got eyebrows the size of steak fries and a piercing glare

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

I’ve been thinking about it and unless you’re just incredibly good looking I think it’s better to go Jet Black bald than Jason Statham bald. something very grown-ass man distinguished about a tight Costanza half-circle and beard

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

and here’s the thing, buddy: you’re right. I’m dumb as a weather-worn post outside a condemned one room elementary school. but I fixed the big mistake you made at the dealership 56 years ago. I sold that automatic transmission for scrap metal and slammed four gears and a clutch pedal up in its place

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

My Barracuda was previously owned by a professor of molecular biology and for some reason I memorized his name. just now having googled his work I can see why he seemed so bitter about selling me the car. It must’ve been clear to him that I have the cognitive dexterity of a jar of unsalted peanuts

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

lowball him

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

He’s already on a very popular and prolific podcast where the theme of it is he tries desperately to keep me focused and on task

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REVENGER G/T @revengergt.bsky.social · 2d

my goal with this gross lichen-covered turd filled derelict pictured on the left is to vacuum it out, weld up the bad spots, put a motor in it and turn into an offroad beater like the vehicle pictured on the right

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