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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 3d

WHAT THEY DON’T TELL YOU IS THAT SKIN IS WATERPROOF. GETTING WET ISN’T REAL. ONCE YOU REALISE THIS, THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF LAUNDRY BEGINS TO LOOK LIKE A SCAM. WEAR THE CLOTHES, BATHE IN THE CLOTHES. ANITA IS RIGHT, THE HAMPER SHOULD GO. AND SO SHOULD THE WASHING MACHINE

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 6d

ROSS WILL NOT BE THE ONE DOING THE ASSASSINATIONS HIMSELF

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 8d

TAYLOR SWIFT IS A DECENT ENOUGH SONGWRITER WITH AN INCREDIBLE GIFT FOR MELODY. SHE IS ALSO EXTREMELY UNIMAGINATIVE AND UNAMBITIOUS IN HER COMPOSITIONS AND IMMATURE IN HER LYRIC WRITING. THE NEW ALBUM AMPLIFIES THESE FLAWS LIKE FAILING TO PLAY ON HER STRENGTHS

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Reposted by tobias

RRRMMM @strongmisgiving.bsky.social · 9d

A poem of mine about a thing that happened (published by Anthropocene)

Church Drawer

O muse, sing in me of wasted hours
and sleepless nights and tax returns and
hangovers and self-loathing and
cowardice and bad diets and abhorrence.
Anxiety and fascism and body ache
and being fired and dwindling funds
and loss of appetite. And I reckon

I could have solved cold fusion. Or
the climate crisis. Or been less of
a twat. I could have filled the
silence with useful things or
taught the demons under my bed
a better way. Instead I tossed
them in a drawer with all my other shit
and let it decay. Become void. And now

inside the drawer there is a church,
a well lit church, with pews filled
with people who I will never see again.
They sit and listen, o muse, as a choir sings.
Can you hear the revulsion, the guilt,
the bum notes? It’s not their fault because
I can’t sing either, but they’re trying. And

their voices fill the room and the waves
that don’t reflect back worm their way into the stone
and in time the stone will crumble to dust,
reconvene in the earth, become stone again
become another church, where the songs will
be glorious and heartfelt and hopefully in tune. But until then:

listen! The harmonies of incoherent rage
are reaching their climax,
burning the air with self-doubt.
Hear, o muse, the unedited drafts of my
despair, the dissonance of my own disappointment;
hear them call out, hear them sing a song
of everything and nothing. And if

I close my eyes, if I plead with myself,
if I concentrate, I can walk amongst the cloisters.
As the song ends and they turn the page
to the next one, I hear disaster in the silence.
And for a split second before I am cast out
I understand where it all went wrong.

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 10d

THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM IS NOT A GOOD ONE. NOT LIKE AC/DC’S BACK IN BLACK

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 10d

GOTTA SIDE WITH DEBBIE HERE. I MADE A VOW YEARS AGO THAT NO SALT SHAKER WOULD EVER CROSS MY THRESHOLD. LITTLE BOWLS FROM SPAIN FOR EVERYTHING: SALT, CHILLI FLAKES, BATTERIES, SOLVENTS. GENE IS A CLOUD OF CORRUPTION WHO WOULD SEE ALL BOWLS RETURNED TO SPAIN, ALL SEASONINGS LOCKED AWAY

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 13d

HE WAS BORN ROBERT MOOGABE BUT CHANGED HIS NAME TO AVOID CONFUSION

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 14d

LAST NIGHT I DREAMED ABOUT A VERY FUNNY MEME. THIS IS MY BEST ATTEMPT AT RECREATING IT

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 17d

DANI IS BLAMELESS. MARLENE WOULD DENY ENTROPY. SHE WOULD COMPLAIN TO THE MANAGER ABOUT THE EXPANSION OF THE UNIVERSE. HER SCREED READS LIKE A PRIMORDIAL WAIL AGAINST THE INEVITABILITY OF CHANGE. THROUGH DESTRUCTION, DANI SHEPHERDS IN REBIRTH AND RENEWAL, KNOWING ALL IS CHANGE AND ALL IS CYCLICAL

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 18d

FIVE SOLID HOURS THOUGH THE AGENDA DOES INCLUDE A FIVE MINUTE COMFORT BREAK

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 19d

I HAVE BLOCKED OUT FIVE HOURS IN MY BOSS’S OUTLOOK CALENDAR WITH THE SUBJECT LINE “VIOLENCE”

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 20d

CHANGED MY NAME TO BIG GAVIN HATRED. ASKED A DEBUTANTE IF I COULD HAVE THIS DANCE AND SHE LAUGHED AND SAID THE DANCE HAVER HAS LOGGED ON. OBVIOUSLY YAHOO.COM IS TAKEN ALREADY BUT THERE IS A LOT OF POTENTIAL IN THE REMAINING AVAILABLE WEB DOMAINS

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 22d

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 23d

TK MAXX SHOULD SELL EXPIRED CIGARETTES

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · 24d

I BET RAQUEL’S FINE WITH TOMATO PASTE OR GOCHUJANG PASTE IN THE KITCHEN - EMBLEMS OF MODERN DECADENCE, EMPIRE AND CONQUEST. BUT WHAT OF OTHER PASTES? MUST GINA MAINTAIN HER TEETH - HER BONES - SILENTLY AND UNSEEN? IT IS A SICK WORLD WHEN CONSUMPTION IS MORE ACCEPTABLE THAN PRESERVATION OF THE SELF

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 12

DARRYL SAYS NO MATTER HOW MUCH THEY CLEAN, THERE IS ALWAYS THE SAME AMOUNT OF TRASH. THIS MEANS EVERY TIME ABI COLLECTS SOMEONE’S RUBBISH, ANOTHER PERSON MUST BE COMPELLED TO LITTER. IN THEIR WORLD, EVERY GOOD ACT NECESSITATES AN EVIL ACT. SO WE MUST ASK: CAN ANY ACTION EVER BE MORALLY JUSTIFIED?

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 9

FIREFIGHTERS SHOULD USE THEIR FISTS AND NOT COWER BEHIND HOSES

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 5

PS THIS IS THE HOLY GRAIL ALBUM. IT IS THE BEST MUSIC I HAVE MADE. I WAS REALLY INTO MUSIQUE CONCRETE, FOLK MUSIC AND MINIMALISM AT THE TIME AND IT PROBABLY SHOWS. CHEERS lowlandsss.bandcamp.com/album/hollow...

hollow limestone hill, by low lands

12 track album

lowlandsss.bandcamp.com

tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 5

IT IS BANDCMP FRIDAY AND I AM TIRED OF FLOGGING MY ALBUM FROM LAST YEAR ABOUT THE HOLY GRAIL. I AM WORKING ON A NEW ONE THAT WAS ORIGINALLY ABOUT THE MORNINGSIDE AREA IN EDINBURGH BUT NOW IT IS SORT OF ABOUT MORE THAN THAT. ALL OLD MUSIC IS AT lowlandsss.bandcamp.com. CHEERS

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 5

THE SOLUTION IS SIMPLE: CUT A POTATO INTO SMALL RICE-SIZED GRAINS. THE COLOUR IS THE SAME. THE COOKING METHOD IS THE SAME. MY GUESS IS NEITHER WILL BE ABLE TO TELL THAT THEY ARE, IN SOME WAY, EATING THE THING THEY DESPISE MOST

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 1

I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF PEOPLE TAKING STOCK. MOST HAVE NEVER GIVEN STOCK IN THEIR LIVES, THEY JUST TAKE AND TAKE

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 1

I FEEL THAT THE PENDULUM HAS SWUNG TOO FAR IN ONE DIRECTION; AS A RESULT I AM NOW FIRMLY AGAINST PERFORMATIVE MEN READING OUTSIDE. I WILL RETAIN THIS POSITION UNTIL I FEEL IT BECOMES TOO COMMONLY ACCEPTED AND THEN I WILL SWITCH BACK

tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Sep 1

THE LIFESTYLE IS DYING AND THE DEATHSTYLE STRUGGLES TO BE BORN: NOW IS THE TIME OF ST ANGER

tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Aug 29

[HUGE DRAG] PIZZA … SUPPOSE I COULD …

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tobias @saboborke.bsky.social · Aug 29

THE GAUNTLET HAS BEEN THROWN DOWN: BILLIE MUST COOK A MEAL THAT USES ALL HER KITCHEN GADGETS SIMULTANEOUSLY. IF IT IS NOT THE GREATEST MEAL THEY HAVE EVER EATEN THEN THEY MUST CLEAR IT ALL OUT AND GO BACK TO SIMPLE BOILING FOR ALL MEALS. BOILED PIZZA. BOILED YOGHURT. BOILED TOAST. LIKE OUR ANCESTORS

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