Jack Metzler (cleaned up)
@scotusplaces.bsky.social
"Making statements with undertones of superior legal thinking."
Reporter of Decisions, Court of History.
Judicial review is a thing.™
Good behavior lol
Reporter of Decisions, Court of History.
Judicial review is a thing.™
Good behavior lol
Westlaw spam about AI offerings sounds like it was written by AI
December 15, 2025 at 7:04 PM
Westlaw spam about AI offerings sounds like it was written by AI
My work is hiring! Please spread to your network. So many awesome people out there looking for work and this is a great job.
workforcenow.adp.com/mascsr/defau...
workforcenow.adp.com/mascsr/defau...
Recruitment
workforcenow.adp.com
December 14, 2025 at 4:11 PM
My work is hiring! Please spread to your network. So many awesome people out there looking for work and this is a great job.
workforcenow.adp.com/mascsr/defau...
workforcenow.adp.com/mascsr/defau...
New Orleans: Lady Marmalade
Australia: Lady Marmite
Australia: Lady Marmite
December 12, 2025 at 9:32 PM
New Orleans: Lady Marmalade
Australia: Lady Marmite
Australia: Lady Marmite
MS Word's red squiggly line be like bro "defense" is misspelled it's "defence"
and I almost fell for it
and I almost fell for it
December 12, 2025 at 5:26 AM
MS Word's red squiggly line be like bro "defense" is misspelled it's "defence"
and I almost fell for it
and I almost fell for it
Hi @adobe.com fyi you have ruined acrobat by forcing it to run in the browser with some bizarre online subscription model. I just got told I don't have access to search a pdf ffs.
(note to followers: if you try to give me technical support on this I'm blocking u)
(note to followers: if you try to give me technical support on this I'm blocking u)
December 11, 2025 at 10:40 PM
Hi @adobe.com fyi you have ruined acrobat by forcing it to run in the browser with some bizarre online subscription model. I just got told I don't have access to search a pdf ffs.
(note to followers: if you try to give me technical support on this I'm blocking u)
(note to followers: if you try to give me technical support on this I'm blocking u)
I never miss my Twitter follow count more than when a banger gets ignored. (thanks @amtappeals.bsky.social for the one like)
doing research for a pitch to be the devil's advocate and it looks like bro always appears pro se wtf
December 10, 2025 at 6:18 PM
I never miss my Twitter follow count more than when a banger gets ignored. (thanks @amtappeals.bsky.social for the one like)
Note: contrary to its name, "Credit Karma" has nothing to do with karma. Its just about regular money credit smh
What we need is an app that tracks karmic credit, so you can acknowledge when someone has you over to their house or you give their kid a ride and tell when your efforts are out of balance.
December 10, 2025 at 6:17 PM
Note: contrary to its name, "Credit Karma" has nothing to do with karma. Its just about regular money credit smh
What we need is an app that tracks karmic credit, so you can acknowledge when someone has you over to their house or you give their kid a ride and tell when your efforts are out of balance.
December 10, 2025 at 6:15 PM
What we need is an app that tracks karmic credit, so you can acknowledge when someone has you over to their house or you give their kid a ride and tell when your efforts are out of balance.
love this idea
started, going
December 10, 2025 at 3:37 PM
love this idea
doing research for a pitch to be the devil's advocate and it looks like bro always appears pro se wtf
December 10, 2025 at 3:35 PM
doing research for a pitch to be the devil's advocate and it looks like bro always appears pro se wtf
Extreme mode: Same restrictions but also you must have seen it more than 6 times in a theater.
December 8, 2025 at 1:53 PM
Extreme mode: Same restrictions but also you must have seen it more than 6 times in a theater.
hahayes
December 6, 2025 at 1:21 AM
hahayes
my kid: ... I don't know why I did it, all my friends were so...
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
December 4, 2025 at 11:24 PM
my kid: ... I don't know why I did it, all my friends were so...
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
me: if your friends were jumping off a bridge, would you do that too?
kid: what does that have to do with signing up to tutor people in math?
If you like @badlawyerpod.bsky.social, you will love this job. You get to run your own cases with lots of stand up work. You will be doing a great service to the bar and the public. And you get to work with me.
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
December 3, 2025 at 9:28 PM
If you like @badlawyerpod.bsky.social, you will love this job. You get to run your own cases with lots of stand up work. You will be doing a great service to the bar and the public. And you get to work with me.
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
December 3, 2025 at 9:25 PM
My office will soon be posting a position for an Assistant Disciplinary Counsel, responsible for prosecuting attorney disciplinary cases. That means bringing charges, handling evidentiary hearings, briefing, and argument. Do you know someone who would be great at it? DM me!
I named my fists Arbitrary & Capricious because they act without a sound basis in fact or law
I named my fists Kevin and Patullo because they're absolute shit at offense.
I named my fists Common and Sense because I'm about to bring the Paine
December 1, 2025 at 9:50 PM
I named my fists Arbitrary & Capricious because they act without a sound basis in fact or law
Would be pretty funny if the app were pessimistic.
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
The "optimism" of airline apps is something to be admired. American is really sure that I'm boarding in five minutes, even though the plane we're on hasn't landed yet.
December 1, 2025 at 4:42 PM
Would be pretty funny if the app were pessimistic.
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
> ALERT: FLIGHT A333 is scheduled to board in 30 minutes but something will probably f*** it up before then.
> ALERT: Boarding for flight A333 has started but it will most likely take forever and there probably won't be any room for your bag...
the datchund looks a little chonk
November 27, 2025 at 5:14 PM
the datchund looks a little chonk
you know when you think about it sheveled doesn't sound much better than the alternative
November 21, 2025 at 11:58 PM
you know when you think about it sheveled doesn't sound much better than the alternative
When I was pro se, I spake as a pro se, I understood as a pro se, I thought as a pro se, but when I became a lawyer, I put away pro se things.
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
November 21, 2025 at 3:18 PM
When I was pro se, I spake as a pro se, I understood as a pro se, I thought as a pro se, but when I became a lawyer, I put away pro se things.
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
November 21, 2025 at 3:17 PM
and when I finally did become a lawyer I figured out that the days of suing people on my own behalf were over
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
Think I'm gonna have to take one of the most unfortunate steps of my adulthood, one that makes me feel slimy even though it's not... go to small claims court over a guy who I contracted and prepaid to build a chicken coop for me, swore it was almost done for six months, and has now gone radio silent
November 21, 2025 at 3:11 PM
Another step (foreshadowing my consumer protection interest) was suing a store for treble statutory damages ($300) because they refused to give me a raincheck for an video game that was on sale but out of stock. We settled for single damages.
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
Think I'm gonna have to take one of the most unfortunate steps of my adulthood, one that makes me feel slimy even though it's not... go to small claims court over a guy who I contracted and prepaid to build a chicken coop for me, swore it was almost done for six months, and has now gone radio silent
November 21, 2025 at 3:07 PM
One early step on my path to becoming a lawyer was suing someone in small claims court. I sold him a car and agreed to let him make monthly payments but he didn't and wouldn't return my calls. We never had to go to court bc he paid once he got the summons.
PSA to @law360.bsky.social: I get it. 50 spams later, I get it. You want me to take your survey. It will only take 10 minutes. Question tho - why should I give you that time? You're not even offering to let me read the resulting article for free. GFU
November 20, 2025 at 4:53 PM
PSA to @law360.bsky.social: I get it. 50 spams later, I get it. You want me to take your survey. It will only take 10 minutes. Question tho - why should I give you that time? You're not even offering to let me read the resulting article for free. GFU
Man, just thinking about the Magistrate Judges Act of 1990 it was a wild time when someone would just say hey it would be better if we did it this way and then there was a bill and then they passed it just like Schoolhouse Rock wouldn't it be weird if we had a congress like that?
November 20, 2025 at 3:48 AM
Man, just thinking about the Magistrate Judges Act of 1990 it was a wild time when someone would just say hey it would be better if we did it this way and then there was a bill and then they passed it just like Schoolhouse Rock wouldn't it be weird if we had a congress like that?