Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 22h

After taking my old 4S to the recycling centre yesterday a few people have pointed out how quick, cheap and easy it is to change the battery in one, and now I feel like the man who slew Gelert

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 1d

Today I had to say goodbye to my iPhone 4S that suddenly developed a swollen battery after spending its ten years of retirement as my trusty upcycled beside clock.

Goodnight sweet prince (wipes tear)

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 23h

There’s a fat orange pedo right now throwing ketchup bottles at the wall and screaming about having Alfred Nobel arrested

3 5 29

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 1d

Today I had to say goodbye to my iPhone 4S that suddenly developed a swollen battery after spending its ten years of retirement as my trusty upcycled beside clock.

Goodnight sweet prince (wipes tear)

1

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 2d

2 12

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 6d

Just stopped off for a pint at the local and they’ve got ESB on, fucking result

Reposted by Soapy Norris

Nicola @scrapegroat.bsky.social · 7d

Did a Wealth write this,?

6 10 62

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 7d

One of these cars looks cool.

One of these cars looks like the drawing of a tragically ungifted ten year old.

1 27

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 8d

When I started secondary school in 1984, an old building with really high ceilings, I threw half a banana at the wall in a classroom, right up high in the corner, and it stuck.

In 1989 it was still there, tiny black and shrivelled.

I like to imagine it is still there.

3

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 9d

One thing that really boils my piss is people posting about so-called Mandela Effect when they are clearly, demonstrably, just misremembering something.

“It can’t possibly be me that is mistaken, the entire rest of the universe must be wrong”.

Fucking get over yourself. Fuck off.

Reposted by Soapy Norris

NewsThump @newsthump.com · 13d

NEWS! Man insisting he is an 'Alpha Male' seems awfully keen to follow the lead of other men on the Internet

Man insisting he is an ‘Alpha Male’ seems awfully keen to follow the lead of other men on the Internet

Local man and self-proclaimed “alpha male” Simon Williams, 32, was today spotted scrolling through his phone to double-check what Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and whichever shirtless ‘manosp…

buff.ly

7 23

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 11d

I willingly spent more money on a cheap laser printer than I would have on several years’ worth of HP cartridges because HP and their ink subscription can absolutely very go and fuck themselves.

3

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 16d

Hey wait what the fuck?

ⓘ 𝘛𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘶𝘴𝘦𝘳 𝘪𝘴 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘥 𝘰𝘧 𝘣𝘦𝘪𝘯𝘨 𝘱𝘢𝘳𝘵 𝘰𝘧 𝘢𝘯 𝘰𝘳𝘨𝘢𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘵𝘪𝘰𝘯 𝘤𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘩𝘦 D𝘦𝘯𝘯𝘪𝘴 𝘛𝘩𝘦 M𝘦𝘯𝘢𝘤𝘦 F𝘢𝘯 C𝘭𝘶𝘣. 𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘱𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘴𝘶𝘴𝘱𝘪𝘤𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘳.

2

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 21d

Canada not reading the script #rwc

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 21d

Playing an old Ian Dury record from a simpler and considerably cheaper time

1

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 21d

Surprise extra day of summer.

Pub it is then.

1

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 25d

When I was young my mum told me these were in shops to stop people stealing things.

Naturally I assumed they were severed Dalek heads, and their purpose was to terrify thieves into thinking if they can do this to a Dalek just imagine what they could do to you.

A 1970s shop security camera that looked like a severed Dalek head to an overimaginative 1970s child

2 5

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 25d

I used to live in a flat above some shops near Bruce Forsyth’s house and used to see him all the time and let me tell you in real life he was a grumpy cantankerous old bastard, although with hindsight maybe he just didn’t like people leaning out of the window and shouting “wig” at him

1 2

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 27d

The existence of Noel Edmonds implies the existence of a shoutier, angrier, Liam Edmonds

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · 29d

I’ve seen a few Americans since yesterday saying “shooting political figures is not who we are as a country”

Abraham Lincoln
James Garfield
Huey Long
John F Kennedy
Malcolm X
Martin Luther King
Robert Kennedy
George Wallace
Ronald Reagan
Gabby Giffords
Melissa Hortman

Sadly it very much is.

1

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Sep 10

No good will come of this.

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Sep 6

The retsina bottle, complete with mouldy label

1 4

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Sep 6

I’ve had an unopened bottle of retsina in my shed for many years that previously belonged to my late stepdad and was yesterday presented with an ultimatum that I could either open it or throw it away so I opened it and thought it tasted bizarre however five glasses later it turns out I like retsina

2

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Aug 31

Weekend at Donnie’s

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Aug 30

I just seen a red squirrel

4

Soapy Norris @soapynorris.bsky.social · Aug 23

I never met a racist that wasn’t an utter wanker.

3