Sooz Kempner
@soozuk.bsky.social
"Comedian". Doom in Doctor Who. Host @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social & Long Distance, Bit Weird (https://longdistancebitweird.podbean.com)
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Pinned
LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL!
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
"Labour MPs say Keir Starmer is losing sleep over the Mandelson scandal with him regularly active on WhatsApp after midnight in recent days. Allies say he is a man of "moral probity" and is "beating himself" up for the "mess he finds himself in""
February 8, 2026 at 9:01 PM
"Labour MPs say Keir Starmer is losing sleep over the Mandelson scandal with him regularly active on WhatsApp after midnight in recent days. Allies say he is a man of "moral probity" and is "beating himself" up for the "mess he finds himself in""
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
This seems quite bold, given the only marked success these lads had was wrecking the fuck out of their own party hand in hand with our horrible newspapers, then expelling “the hard left” in an especially grim hate campaign. On every other measure, pretty fucking catastrophic.
February 8, 2026 at 8:34 PM
This seems quite bold, given the only marked success these lads had was wrecking the fuck out of their own party hand in hand with our horrible newspapers, then expelling “the hard left” in an especially grim hate campaign. On every other measure, pretty fucking catastrophic.
Giving MAGA NHL supporters a special halftime show just for them like the most spoilt little cunt you know getting presents on his sister's birthday coz otherwise he'd kick off.
February 8, 2026 at 8:37 PM
Giving MAGA NHL supporters a special halftime show just for them like the most spoilt little cunt you know getting presents on his sister's birthday coz otherwise he'd kick off.
Over on @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social we've started a series on MKUltra! Come get crazy with us.
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/m...
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/m...
Episode 205: MK Ultra Part I - Bluebirds & Artichokes
Podcast Episode · Mystery on the Rocks · 05/02/2026 · 47m
podcasts.apple.com
February 8, 2026 at 8:35 PM
Over on @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social we've started a series on MKUltra! Come get crazy with us.
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/m...
podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/m...
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
crossing my fingers for the funniest possible outcome
February 8, 2026 at 3:18 PM
crossing my fingers for the funniest possible outcome
me when i resigned as downing street chief of staff
February 8, 2026 at 8:19 PM
me when i resigned as downing street chief of staff
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Oh, and journalists: please stop referring to McSweeney's faction in the Labour Party as "moderates". They are anything but.
February 8, 2026 at 4:06 PM
Oh, and journalists: please stop referring to McSweeney's faction in the Labour Party as "moderates". They are anything but.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Jeffrey Epstein died on August 10th. In the Epstein files, there is what appears to be a draft DOJ press release announcing his death that is dated August 9th.
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
The release on Saturday, August 10th appears to have two differences. The date, and the addition of “of an apparent suicide” www.justice.gov/usao-sdny/pr...
February 8, 2026 at 2:06 PM
Jeffrey Epstein died on August 10th. In the Epstein files, there is what appears to be a draft DOJ press release announcing his death that is dated August 9th.
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
(It’s here: www.justice.gov/epstein/file...)
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
lmfao trump 100% had epstein killed
February 8, 2026 at 5:12 PM
lmfao trump 100% had epstein killed
this is great coz mcsweeney was the only thing holding labour back from greatness or something
NEW: Hearing that Starmer is considering making Vidhya Alakeson and Jill Cuthbertson, Morgan McSweeney's deputies, his joint chiefs of staff.
February 8, 2026 at 5:22 PM
this is great coz mcsweeney was the only thing holding labour back from greatness or something
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
If Jumbly Kremlin and his evil sympathizers had not tried to make the party into something Peter Mandelson wouldn't want, then Peter Mandelson and his rich backers and all of the UK news media wouldn't have had to work so hard to turn it back into something Peter Mandelson wanted!
February 8, 2026 at 4:46 PM
If Jumbly Kremlin and his evil sympathizers had not tried to make the party into something Peter Mandelson wouldn't want, then Peter Mandelson and his rich backers and all of the UK news media wouldn't have had to work so hard to turn it back into something Peter Mandelson wanted!
Every day Peter Mandelson worked to undermine Jeremy Corbyn, be it via a phone call, an email or simply being best pals with the biggest paedophile.
February 8, 2026 at 4:16 PM
Every day Peter Mandelson worked to undermine Jeremy Corbyn, be it via a phone call, an email or simply being best pals with the biggest paedophile.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
credit where credit is due, the staging of this, triggering months of government anxiety about what kompromat he'd departed with stashed in that box is all-time leaving a job like a petty bitch stuff. it's aspirational
McSweeney could never be as iconic as Cummings leaving Downing Street through the front door with his cunty box. What a queen.
February 8, 2026 at 3:26 PM
credit where credit is due, the staging of this, triggering months of government anxiety about what kompromat he'd departed with stashed in that box is all-time leaving a job like a petty bitch stuff. it's aspirational
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
morgan mcsweeney has died,
February 8, 2026 at 3:17 PM
morgan mcsweeney has died,
McSweeney could never be as iconic as Cummings leaving Downing Street through the front door with his cunty box. What a queen.
February 8, 2026 at 3:24 PM
McSweeney could never be as iconic as Cummings leaving Downing Street through the front door with his cunty box. What a queen.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
If only there were someone in a senior position of power in this relationship
May 22, 2025 at 8:30 PM
If only there were someone in a senior position of power in this relationship
The defeat Labour suffers in 2029 will make 2019 look like 1997.
February 8, 2026 at 3:15 PM
The defeat Labour suffers in 2029 will make 2019 look like 1997.
The Rest is Politics is going to be the first ever podcast to be Chief of Staff at Downing Street.
February 8, 2026 at 3:14 PM
The Rest is Politics is going to be the first ever podcast to be Chief of Staff at Downing Street.
Morgan McSweeney's genius is twofold: he is literally amazing at 1) despising the left and 2) giving exclusives to journalists who also despise the left. I can't believe those smarts didn't have staying power!
February 8, 2026 at 2:58 PM
Morgan McSweeney's genius is twofold: he is literally amazing at 1) despising the left and 2) giving exclusives to journalists who also despise the left. I can't believe those smarts didn't have staying power!
Starmer's statement thanks McSweeney for "turning the party around after one of the worst defeats in its history".
Labour currently polling at about 17%.
Labour currently polling at about 17%.
February 8, 2026 at 2:55 PM
Starmer's statement thanks McSweeney for "turning the party around after one of the worst defeats in its history".
Labour currently polling at about 17%.
Labour currently polling at about 17%.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I'll get in trouble for saying this, but the Milan Olympic mascots have ZERO sex appeal.
February 8, 2026 at 2:30 PM
I'll get in trouble for saying this, but the Milan Olympic mascots have ZERO sex appeal.
🚨BREAKING🚨 Sir Keir Starmer has appointed Peter Mandelson as his new Downing Street Chief of Staff.
February 8, 2026 at 2:27 PM
🚨BREAKING🚨 Sir Keir Starmer has appointed Peter Mandelson as his new Downing Street Chief of Staff.
FUCKING HELL! Literally five hours Pat McFadden was on #Kuenssberg saying there was no reason to get rid of McSweeney AND NOW THE QUIET LITTLE SHIT'S OUT! Gonna be a big diarrhoea week for Sir Keir, lads!
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Morgan McSweeney resigns as Keir Starmer’s chief of staff
Longtime aide departs after seemingly botched No 10 effort to shore up PM’s position against supposed plotters
www.theguardian.com
February 8, 2026 at 2:20 PM
FUCKING HELL! Literally five hours Pat McFadden was on #Kuenssberg saying there was no reason to get rid of McSweeney AND NOW THE QUIET LITTLE SHIT'S OUT! Gonna be a big diarrhoea week for Sir Keir, lads!
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Something I thought was posh when I was a kid was: a serving hatch between the kitchen and the living room. If I was in a house and they had one of those I thought "ahhhh ambassador you are really spoiling us" (and would also try and climb through it).
February 8, 2026 at 2:10 PM
Something I thought was posh when I was a kid was: a serving hatch between the kitchen and the living room. If I was in a house and they had one of those I thought "ahhhh ambassador you are really spoiling us" (and would also try and climb through it).
"4th place. The worst place to finish in an Olympics"
No it isn't. Imagine coming last. Haha fucking useless.
No it isn't. Imagine coming last. Haha fucking useless.
February 8, 2026 at 1:15 PM
"4th place. The worst place to finish in an Olympics"
No it isn't. Imagine coming last. Haha fucking useless.
No it isn't. Imagine coming last. Haha fucking useless.