Sooz Kempner
@soozuk.bsky.social
"Comedian". Doom in Doctor Who. Host @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social & Long Distance, Bit Weird (https://longdistancebitweird.podbean.com)
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Pinned
LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL!
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
My Nanna died today. She was a few weeks off 96. She’d given us a plethora of Nanecdotes over the years. Here she is in 2014 in Sikim and here is the COVID-themed Xmas cake she made and sent us in 2020’s loooong lockdown complete with marzipan/clove COVIDs.
February 3, 2026 at 8:43 PM
My Nanna died today. She was a few weeks off 96. She’d given us a plethora of Nanecdotes over the years. Here she is in 2014 in Sikim and here is the COVID-themed Xmas cake she made and sent us in 2020’s loooong lockdown complete with marzipan/clove COVIDs.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I hadn’t known this. Two men who were accused of sexual abuse on the Shitty Media Men document that I created back in 2017 reached out to Michael Wolff for help as they looked to sue me, and Wolf forwarded their concerns to Jeffrey Epstein. Epstein offered to help. www.jmail.world/thread/EFTA0...
February 3, 2026 at 3:45 PM
I hadn’t known this. Two men who were accused of sexual abuse on the Shitty Media Men document that I created back in 2017 reached out to Michael Wolff for help as they looked to sue me, and Wolf forwarded their concerns to Jeffrey Epstein. Epstein offered to help. www.jmail.world/thread/EFTA0...
Peter Mandelson resigned from the House of Lords which as far as I know means he loses everything to do with the peerage bar the title. He’s still Lord Mandelson. But in the style of one of those £25 certificates you can buy off the internet.
February 3, 2026 at 5:59 PM
Peter Mandelson resigned from the House of Lords which as far as I know means he loses everything to do with the peerage bar the title. He’s still Lord Mandelson. But in the style of one of those £25 certificates you can buy off the internet.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
For the sake of anyone actually sincerely wondering "What exactly has Rowling done that's bigoted?", here's one simple example.
I don't think most people would have a problem correctly assessing that sharing a website called "MuslimCrimeUK", "GayCrimeUK" or "BlackCrimeUK" would be bigoted.
I don't think most people would have a problem correctly assessing that sharing a website called "MuslimCrimeUK", "GayCrimeUK" or "BlackCrimeUK" would be bigoted.
February 3, 2026 at 5:22 PM
For the sake of anyone actually sincerely wondering "What exactly has Rowling done that's bigoted?", here's one simple example.
I don't think most people would have a problem correctly assessing that sharing a website called "MuslimCrimeUK", "GayCrimeUK" or "BlackCrimeUK" would be bigoted.
I don't think most people would have a problem correctly assessing that sharing a website called "MuslimCrimeUK", "GayCrimeUK" or "BlackCrimeUK" would be bigoted.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Like: if we are treating “putting the financial interests of your rich friends above the wellbeing and lives of the people of Britain” as a criminal matter, then - say - Boris Johnson will absolutely need sending to HMP Wandsworth toot fucking sweet.
February 3, 2026 at 5:15 PM
Like: if we are treating “putting the financial interests of your rich friends above the wellbeing and lives of the people of Britain” as a criminal matter, then - say - Boris Johnson will absolutely need sending to HMP Wandsworth toot fucking sweet.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
It was always dubious to hear claims that Epstein was some sort of Renaissance Man but with the fuller picture of how dull he was it's now indisputable that the sole reason anyone interacted with him was because he was a pedophile and they thought that was cool and intriguing and wanted in on it.
February 3, 2026 at 4:57 PM
It was always dubious to hear claims that Epstein was some sort of Renaissance Man but with the fuller picture of how dull he was it's now indisputable that the sole reason anyone interacted with him was because he was a pedophile and they thought that was cool and intriguing and wanted in on it.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
If nothing else, the Epstein files prove that people who email too much are dangerous sociopaths.
February 3, 2026 at 4:55 PM
If nothing else, the Epstein files prove that people who email too much are dangerous sociopaths.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
It's amazing what a good case study Jeffrey Epstein is into why one person having billions of pounds is automatically a bad thing.
February 3, 2026 at 4:17 PM
It's amazing what a good case study Jeffrey Epstein is into why one person having billions of pounds is automatically a bad thing.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
whatever rowling is trying to hide it's something that would look even worse than how it looks to delete your entire yacht location history immediately after someone noticing your signoff turning up in the epstein files
February 3, 2026 at 3:02 PM
whatever rowling is trying to hide it's something that would look even worse than how it looks to delete your entire yacht location history immediately after someone noticing your signoff turning up in the epstein files
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Please fill this out and get it back to us whenever you have a chance.
February 3, 2026 at 3:21 PM
Please fill this out and get it back to us whenever you have a chance.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
It’s so funny that this guy’s entire thing is “Oh are you triggered by what I have to say about marginalized people” but he loses it when someone more well-liked than he will ever be talks about an actual injustice
Ricky Gervais calls out Grammy winners for making political acceptance speeches: "You're in no position to lecture the public about anything"
Ricky Gervais calls out Grammy winners for making political acceptance speeches: "You're in no position to lecture the public about anything"
Gervais cited his own 2020 Golden Globes monologue, in which he urged winners not to use their acceptance speeches "as a platform to make a political speech."
decider.com
February 3, 2026 at 2:20 AM
It’s so funny that this guy’s entire thing is “Oh are you triggered by what I have to say about marginalized people” but he loses it when someone more well-liked than he will ever be talks about an actual injustice
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL!
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
February 2, 2026 at 2:26 PM
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
February 3, 2026 at 1:21 PM
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Got reunited with these today
February 3, 2026 at 2:52 PM
Got reunited with these today
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
A lot of people are choosing to miss the point here which is not “Every problem is super easy to solve and democrats refuse to do it” but that when there *is* a simple solution they will insist it’s much more complicated and the simple solution is impossible.
Dem leadership: changing this is a difficult process, you fool. You rube. You utter infant. Give us between $5 and $50
Mamdani, wiping grease off his hands: So it turns out there's a switch on this machine that puts it into either orphan-shredding mode or free school lunch mode. Just had to flip it
Mamdani, wiping grease off his hands: So it turns out there's a switch on this machine that puts it into either orphan-shredding mode or free school lunch mode. Just had to flip it
February 3, 2026 at 5:26 AM
A lot of people are choosing to miss the point here which is not “Every problem is super easy to solve and democrats refuse to do it” but that when there *is* a simple solution they will insist it’s much more complicated and the simple solution is impossible.
Fuuuuuuuuck he's all out of titles and now there's nothing more to do but be arrested like one of us plebs.
BREAKING: Andrew Mountbatten-Windsor has been formally reported to the police over allegations he was involved in the trafficking of a woman to the UK for sex in 2010
February 3, 2026 at 2:32 PM
Fuuuuuuuuck he's all out of titles and now there's nothing more to do but be arrested like one of us plebs.
Basically Peter Mandelson was like "Lads, I'm good at two things: having countless links to peadophiles and destroying the left. And I'm all out the left!" so this was the only thing left to do.
February 3, 2026 at 2:26 PM
Basically Peter Mandelson was like "Lads, I'm good at two things: having countless links to peadophiles and destroying the left. And I'm all out the left!" so this was the only thing left to do.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
This is what I post from
The Accuratus Mouse Phone was an optical mouse that doubled as a Skype phone
February 3, 2026 at 2:16 PM
This is what I post from
Landlords cannot wait to tell you that being a landlord is actually one of the worst ways to make money and that they can barely make ends meet. It makes you wonder why they're so keen to be landlords in the first place tbh.
You might want to know that many landlords are like myself: work full-time, and rent out house bought as investment for income. Bank loan gotta get paid along with the rest of expenses. Corporations, sure, I agree. But COVID moratorium screwed me very badly, more debt. So might want to keep in mind.
February 3, 2026 at 2:14 PM
Landlords cannot wait to tell you that being a landlord is actually one of the worst ways to make money and that they can barely make ends meet. It makes you wonder why they're so keen to be landlords in the first place tbh.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Wasn't there a guy who tried that, and literally everyone in the party and the media (including the New Statesman) screamed at full volume until that brief aberration was resolved, putting the shockingly corrupt Sensible Moderates back in charge?
Labour needs to bake morality into how it campaigns and governs.
My @newstatesman1913.bsky.social column on the Epstein-Mandelson story, and the hangover of a post-ideological age:
My @newstatesman1913.bsky.social column on the Epstein-Mandelson story, and the hangover of a post-ideological age:
The Epstein files expose the rot of Mandelson's Britain
New Labour’s dead-end of pragmatism over everything else – including morality
www.newstatesman.com
February 3, 2026 at 12:52 PM
Wasn't there a guy who tried that, and literally everyone in the party and the media (including the New Statesman) screamed at full volume until that brief aberration was resolved, putting the shockingly corrupt Sensible Moderates back in charge?
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Making it make sense: Epstein wasn't a global mastermind. He did not orchestrate a vast conspiracy that led us to today.
He was a very rich man with connections to other very rich men. The shared culture of these men is that they have a right to dominate and abuse others without consequence.
He was a very rich man with connections to other very rich men. The shared culture of these men is that they have a right to dominate and abuse others without consequence.
February 3, 2026 at 10:44 AM
Making it make sense: Epstein wasn't a global mastermind. He did not orchestrate a vast conspiracy that led us to today.
He was a very rich man with connections to other very rich men. The shared culture of these men is that they have a right to dominate and abuse others without consequence.
He was a very rich man with connections to other very rich men. The shared culture of these men is that they have a right to dominate and abuse others without consequence.
So many men named in the Epstein files say "I was only emailing him for financial advice, something I now hugely regret of course" and then the email is "hi j-dawg, loved partying with you and the naughty little girls this weekend, same again soon, bestie?" and Epstein replying "me am sayy yse . !1"
February 3, 2026 at 12:04 PM
So many men named in the Epstein files say "I was only emailing him for financial advice, something I now hugely regret of course" and then the email is "hi j-dawg, loved partying with you and the naughty little girls this weekend, same again soon, bestie?" and Epstein replying "me am sayy yse . !1"