Sooz Kempner
@soozuk.bsky.social
"Comedian". DOOM in @bbcdoctorwho. Host @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social
Acting: The Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries and brand partnerships – [email protected]
she/her
www.soozkempner.co.uk/gigs
Acting: The Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries and brand partnerships – [email protected]
she/her
www.soozkempner.co.uk/gigs
Pinned
TL;DR....Friday 30th January 2026 @ Royal Vauxhall Tavern
An Evening with Sooz Kempner. All funds go towards lead-up and recovery from an operation on my damn larynx.
£10 TICKETS: www.outsavvy.com/event/31688/...
An Evening with Sooz Kempner. All funds go towards lead-up and recovery from an operation on my damn larynx.
£10 TICKETS: www.outsavvy.com/event/31688/...
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
The fucking "errrrrrrrmmmmm" chorus pipes up every time I post anything here.
November 29, 2025 at 6:16 PM
The fucking "errrrrrrrmmmmm" chorus pipes up every time I post anything here.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
blueskyism is when people scold you for using the wrong link rather than just take the book recommendation and move on
November 29, 2025 at 4:16 PM
blueskyism is when people scold you for using the wrong link rather than just take the book recommendation and move on
The New Yorker interview with Louis CK is rubbish. The article manages to make him sound like an absolutely shit hack comedian and then keeps saying "but he is HILARIOUS, more than ever!" PS His book sounds genuinely terrible and the bit where he said he didn't have a wank for months was bullshit.
November 29, 2025 at 2:21 PM
The New Yorker interview with Louis CK is rubbish. The article manages to make him sound like an absolutely shit hack comedian and then keeps saying "but he is HILARIOUS, more than ever!" PS His book sounds genuinely terrible and the bit where he said he didn't have a wank for months was bullshit.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
If @nintendousa.bsky.social is so great, why don’t they have Blast Processing?
November 29, 2025 at 1:59 PM
If @nintendousa.bsky.social is so great, why don’t they have Blast Processing?
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Bluesky repliers really can manage to be annoying about anything
November 29, 2025 at 1:47 PM
Bluesky repliers really can manage to be annoying about anything
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Bong Joon Ho hit me up for the squad you legend deadline.com/2025/11/bong...
November 29, 2025 at 12:49 PM
Bong Joon Ho hit me up for the squad you legend deadline.com/2025/11/bong...
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Idea: whining about your taxes in the press comes with a *free* wallet inspection from HMRC just to make sure you're not over paying
November 29, 2025 at 12:32 PM
Idea: whining about your taxes in the press comes with a *free* wallet inspection from HMRC just to make sure you're not over paying
Three years since a fantastic World Cup exchange.
November 29, 2025 at 12:03 PM
Three years since a fantastic World Cup exchange.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
A controversial opinion in the UK: having a standard emails job then sitting in a house you bought for a song and watching it rise exponentially in value due to political choices that have nothing to do with you is not it fact “working very hard to get what you have”
November 29, 2025 at 10:34 AM
A controversial opinion in the UK: having a standard emails job then sitting in a house you bought for a song and watching it rise exponentially in value due to political choices that have nothing to do with you is not it fact “working very hard to get what you have”
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
New Year's Eve is a BITCH. It's a fortune to get a cab or get in to a pub and things get CRAZY. Since 2022 I've turned down any NYE gigs offered coz who can be arsed to travel when I can just do it from my own bastard bedroom. Join me with your fave bevvy this NYE! FREE!
twitch.tv/soozkempner
twitch.tv/soozkempner
November 24, 2025 at 12:32 PM
New Year's Eve is a BITCH. It's a fortune to get a cab or get in to a pub and things get CRAZY. Since 2022 I've turned down any NYE gigs offered coz who can be arsed to travel when I can just do it from my own bastard bedroom. Join me with your fave bevvy this NYE! FREE!
twitch.tv/soozkempner
twitch.tv/soozkempner
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
it’s funny how when people who own big houses are alive they had nothing to do with its value, but when they die their kids shouldn’t have to pay any inheritance tax because they worked VERY hard all their lives for it
November 29, 2025 at 10:12 AM
it’s funny how when people who own big houses are alive they had nothing to do with its value, but when they die their kids shouldn’t have to pay any inheritance tax because they worked VERY hard all their lives for it
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
We could be herpes, just for one day
November 28, 2025 at 10:31 PM
We could be herpes, just for one day
I think the first time I saw an American think they’d smashed it by pointing out I put “comedian” in quotes in my bio was in 2019, during Trump’s first term (they’ve elected him twice you see). What an original little guy!
“Comedian” is apt
November 28, 2025 at 10:04 PM
I think the first time I saw an American think they’d smashed it by pointing out I put “comedian” in quotes in my bio was in 2019, during Trump’s first term (they’ve elected him twice you see). What an original little guy!
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Americans literally need to sit down and STFU in this moment because we literally can't even avoid voting for an obvious fascist. You're posturing over a goddamn colonizer holiday meal that most likely was poorly seasoned so please be serious.
November 28, 2025 at 9:55 PM
Americans literally need to sit down and STFU in this moment because we literally can't even avoid voting for an obvious fascist. You're posturing over a goddamn colonizer holiday meal that most likely was poorly seasoned so please be serious.
I genuinely didn’t
you said that british people invented meals
November 28, 2025 at 9:40 PM
I genuinely didn’t
This exchange is astounding.
And school shootings
November 28, 2025 at 9:35 PM
This exchange is astounding.
It doesn’t stop making shit up
November 28, 2025 at 9:20 PM
It doesn’t stop making shit up
WEYYYYY they’re doing “so-called comedian”. Oh no hope your Nan doesn’t LOOK at me.
November 28, 2025 at 9:12 PM
WEYYYYY they’re doing “so-called comedian”. Oh no hope your Nan doesn’t LOOK at me.
This is fucking bollocks Julie
November 28, 2025 at 9:11 PM
This is fucking bollocks Julie
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
The guy shot two random people with a gun, I don't think you can say he wasn't assimilating into our culture
Stephen Miller is now arguing that assimilation is fundamentally impossible and that certain cultures are not compatible with Western civilization
November 28, 2025 at 3:23 PM
The guy shot two random people with a gun, I don't think you can say he wasn't assimilating into our culture
Anyway, congrats on your Thanksgiving dinner, America. In Britain we have that every weekend but crack on.
November 28, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Anyway, congrats on your Thanksgiving dinner, America. In Britain we have that every weekend but crack on.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Watched Bladerunner again last night. Would have been so much better if they had gone with the original idea, that instead of origami unicorns, Edward James Olmos’ character had made balloon animals.
“It’s too bad she won’t live;
but then again
SQUEEEK-SQUEEEK-SQUEEEEEEK-SQUEEEEK
Who does?”
“It’s too bad she won’t live;
but then again
SQUEEEK-SQUEEEK-SQUEEEEEEK-SQUEEEEK
Who does?”
November 28, 2025 at 1:19 PM
Watched Bladerunner again last night. Would have been so much better if they had gone with the original idea, that instead of origami unicorns, Edward James Olmos’ character had made balloon animals.
“It’s too bad she won’t live;
but then again
SQUEEEK-SQUEEEK-SQUEEEEEEK-SQUEEEEK
Who does?”
“It’s too bad she won’t live;
but then again
SQUEEEK-SQUEEEK-SQUEEEEEEK-SQUEEEEK
Who does?”
hahahaha not that Elon Musk is desperate to make fetch happen or anything but he's currently offering Twitter Premium for $1 in Canada which is about 0.0003p.
November 28, 2025 at 1:38 PM
hahahaha not that Elon Musk is desperate to make fetch happen or anything but he's currently offering Twitter Premium for $1 in Canada which is about 0.0003p.
I see it’s “the entire mainstream media is against Labour!” time again even though the people saying that didn’t think that 2015-2019. Eat up.
November 28, 2025 at 1:26 PM
I see it’s “the entire mainstream media is against Labour!” time again even though the people saying that didn’t think that 2015-2019. Eat up.
"Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace"
November 28, 2025 at 12:52 PM
"Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace"