Sooz Kempner
@soozuk.bsky.social
"Comedian". Doom in Doctor Who. Host @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social & Long Distance, Bit Weird (https://longdistancebitweird.podbean.com)
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Pinned
LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL!
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I have told a few MPs this. I genuinely feel a lot of adults hate the existence and needs of young people. Then they act surprised/bewildered that these kids are anxious/depressed.
Kids can't hang out in parks. They can't hang out at the mall. They don't have 3rd spaces because no one wants kids around and then we are surprised when they rely on SM for connection.
If you take that away, what do they have left?
If you take that away, what do they have left?
www.theguardian.com/australia-ne...
The impacts of locking under 16 yos from their social media networks are now beginning to bite for those young people who relied on them for social connection
The impacts of locking under 16 yos from their social media networks are now beginning to bite for those young people who relied on them for social connection
February 8, 2026 at 9:37 AM
I have told a few MPs this. I genuinely feel a lot of adults hate the existence and needs of young people. Then they act surprised/bewildered that these kids are anxious/depressed.
People currently spluttering that you can't criticise Starmer for things Peter Mandelson did are the same people who spent several years treating antisemitic tweets from anonymous 50-follower accounts like they were press releases direct from Labour head office.
February 8, 2026 at 9:24 AM
People currently spluttering that you can't criticise Starmer for things Peter Mandelson did are the same people who spent several years treating antisemitic tweets from anonymous 50-follower accounts like they were press releases direct from Labour head office.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
This is centrism in microcosm.
Starmer can't possible support a genocide because his job title says Good Guy. New Labour can't be in Epstein's circle because of reasons. The status quo can't possible be rotten its just temporarily damaged by one guy.
Starmer can't possible support a genocide because his job title says Good Guy. New Labour can't be in Epstein's circle because of reasons. The status quo can't possible be rotten its just temporarily damaged by one guy.
A human rights lawyer supports genocide? 🙄
Besties with a Nazi paedo?🙄
Listen to yourself.
Mate, he inherited an unmitigated disaster, and they’ve been in power less than 18 months. Most of which has been globally tumultuous due to the 800Ib gorilla in the room sucking up all the oxygen.
Besties with a Nazi paedo?🙄
Listen to yourself.
Mate, he inherited an unmitigated disaster, and they’ve been in power less than 18 months. Most of which has been globally tumultuous due to the 800Ib gorilla in the room sucking up all the oxygen.
February 8, 2026 at 8:34 AM
This is centrism in microcosm.
Starmer can't possible support a genocide because his job title says Good Guy. New Labour can't be in Epstein's circle because of reasons. The status quo can't possible be rotten its just temporarily damaged by one guy.
Starmer can't possible support a genocide because his job title says Good Guy. New Labour can't be in Epstein's circle because of reasons. The status quo can't possible be rotten its just temporarily damaged by one guy.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
i don't get people because why would you criticise someone for being a 'porn model' when you're so clearly a dedicated enjoyer of her work?
You must have missed the porn flicks she was in girl on girl. Just google it. It's been there for decades.
February 7, 2026 at 9:14 PM
i don't get people because why would you criticise someone for being a 'porn model' when you're so clearly a dedicated enjoyer of her work?
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
ill bet it sucks and is really embarrassing if youre Dr. Frankenstein and you're on a first date and your monster runs up yelling like "why did you make me!?" and "build me a wife!" and stuff
February 7, 2026 at 8:55 PM
ill bet it sucks and is really embarrassing if youre Dr. Frankenstein and you're on a first date and your monster runs up yelling like "why did you make me!?" and "build me a wife!" and stuff
Live footage of the Big Air at the Winter Olympics.
February 7, 2026 at 7:46 PM
Live footage of the Big Air at the Winter Olympics.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
It would help if every centrist who says they’d love to abolish ICE or end a genocide or protect trans people or get to universal healthcare but “you have to think about elections” would admit they just don’t want to do any of those things and are quietly fine with fascism if it doesn’t touch them.
February 7, 2026 at 7:09 PM
It would help if every centrist who says they’d love to abolish ICE or end a genocide or protect trans people or get to universal healthcare but “you have to think about elections” would admit they just don’t want to do any of those things and are quietly fine with fascism if it doesn’t touch them.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
As recently as the summer of 2024 the Labour Party were flat-out denying that Peter Mandelson was even vaguely advising them and it was so obviously BOLLOCKS....but why were they denying it? Is it coz he's a catastrophically problematic, unpopular figure who was best pals with a famous pedo?
September 12, 2025 at 12:06 PM
As recently as the summer of 2024 the Labour Party were flat-out denying that Peter Mandelson was even vaguely advising them and it was so obviously BOLLOCKS....but why were they denying it? Is it coz he's a catastrophically problematic, unpopular figure who was best pals with a famous pedo?
I suppose because the Westminster lot only seem to hang out with each other (I'm talking the politicians themselves, their staff, the political journalists) it makes sense that they'd think all of this was fine for the past decade or so. The rest of us are like:
February 7, 2026 at 2:41 PM
I suppose because the Westminster lot only seem to hang out with each other (I'm talking the politicians themselves, their staff, the political journalists) it makes sense that they'd think all of this was fine for the past decade or so. The rest of us are like:
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
From the little I know about newspaper deadlines, this will have gone to the printers on Wednesday afternoon (the glossy supplements always take much longer to do), so, basically, at the exact moment he was being formally removed from the Privy Council.
GUYS YOU HAD SEVERAL DAYS TO PUT LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE ON THE FRONT OF THE MAGAZINE COME ON
February 7, 2026 at 11:54 AM
From the little I know about newspaper deadlines, this will have gone to the printers on Wednesday afternoon (the glossy supplements always take much longer to do), so, basically, at the exact moment he was being formally removed from the Privy Council.
The most irritating lib big brain bollocks and you see it ALL the time. Peter Mandelson was a man who lived his entire life bitter that he didn't have even more money. There would have been no salary high enough for the cunt. And he isn't an anomaly.
I’m seeing the argument that Mandelson’s corruption is evidence that MPs should be paid more. Because giving the greedy more, just like allowing fascists a little more racism, is a sure-fire way to stop them. Fucking idiots.
February 7, 2026 at 11:49 AM
The most irritating lib big brain bollocks and you see it ALL the time. Peter Mandelson was a man who lived his entire life bitter that he didn't have even more money. There would have been no salary high enough for the cunt. And he isn't an anomaly.
This is like when Vogue magazine printed that feature about Carrie Bradshaw getting married and she wore loads of different designer wedding dresses and they published it a week after Mr Big had left her at the altar.
Like almost everyone else, I thought this was a spoof - but no
February 7, 2026 at 11:30 AM
This is like when Vogue magazine printed that feature about Carrie Bradshaw getting married and she wore loads of different designer wedding dresses and they published it a week after Mr Big had left her at the altar.
I've never seen anyone look less like a guy who was once one of the greatest footballers on the planet. People say it about men like Wayne Rooney but 2026 Wayne Rooney looks way more like an ex-football legend than LOOK AT HIM FUCKING LOOK AT MICHAEL OWEN IN HIS AMERICAN BUFFOON ERA
Anyway the world is cursed, let us all instead reminisce on when Michael Owen had a range of clothes at Peacocks and did the worst modelling you can possibly imagine
February 7, 2026 at 11:12 AM
I've never seen anyone look less like a guy who was once one of the greatest footballers on the planet. People say it about men like Wayne Rooney but 2026 Wayne Rooney looks way more like an ex-football legend than LOOK AT HIM FUCKING LOOK AT MICHAEL OWEN IN HIS AMERICAN BUFFOON ERA
GUYS YOU HAD SEVERAL DAYS TO PUT LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE ON THE FRONT OF THE MAGAZINE COME ON
February 7, 2026 at 10:42 AM
GUYS YOU HAD SEVERAL DAYS TO PUT LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE ON THE FRONT OF THE MAGAZINE COME ON
"I thought he was only friends with the convicted paedophile a bit but then I found out he was actually friends with the convicted paedophile SO MUCH! When I thought he was only friends with the convicted paedophile a bit I liked him and gave him a job. So angry rn!"
Labour MPs & party insiders tell me they’ve never seen Keir Starmer so angry as over Mandelson’s lies about Epstein links.
But those who know him well say that anger has now turned inwards. That Starmer is, above all else, a man of public service, and will be grappling with his conscious this w/e.
But those who know him well say that anger has now turned inwards. That Starmer is, above all else, a man of public service, and will be grappling with his conscious this w/e.
February 7, 2026 at 10:29 AM
"I thought he was only friends with the convicted paedophile a bit but then I found out he was actually friends with the convicted paedophile SO MUCH! When I thought he was only friends with the convicted paedophile a bit I liked him and gave him a job. So angry rn!"
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I really hope people advocating to ban kids from SM read this. Some kids are isolated by disabilities or circumstances. Furthermore, some kids grow up in abusive households. “Ideally, a child’s exposure to online worlds should be moderated by their parents” isn’t a reassuring sentiment for everyone
www.theguardian.com/australia-ne...
The impacts of locking under 16 yos from their social media networks are now beginning to bite for those young people who relied on them for social connection
The impacts of locking under 16 yos from their social media networks are now beginning to bite for those young people who relied on them for social connection
‘I’ve lost my friends’: advocacy groups warn Australia’s social media ban risks isolating kids with disabilities
Despite the ban’s aim to protect young people, experts are concerned that those in marginalised communities or living with disabilities could lose vital support networks
www.theguardian.com
February 7, 2026 at 8:06 AM
I really hope people advocating to ban kids from SM read this. Some kids are isolated by disabilities or circumstances. Furthermore, some kids grow up in abusive households. “Ideally, a child’s exposure to online worlds should be moderated by their parents” isn’t a reassuring sentiment for everyone
TIL that you can’t fly in the EU with less than three months on your passport. Currently waiting to be escorted out of the airport like I got caught with coke up my arse. Sorry, Netherlands, I really really wanted to gig in you.
February 7, 2026 at 7:57 AM
TIL that you can’t fly in the EU with less than three months on your passport. Currently waiting to be escorted out of the airport like I got caught with coke up my arse. Sorry, Netherlands, I really really wanted to gig in you.
Yeah the Bluesky Doomers who were kept posting “that’s the Epstein files successfully dead and buried then” when Trump kidnapped a foreign leader, threatened to take over Greenland and had his gestapo murder two citizens on camera in broad daylight look as stupid as they do ghoulish now.
So the whole being as racist as possible play didn't distract everyone from the child rape thing
February 7, 2026 at 6:25 AM
Yeah the Bluesky Doomers who were kept posting “that’s the Epstein files successfully dead and buried then” when Trump kidnapped a foreign leader, threatened to take over Greenland and had his gestapo murder two citizens on camera in broad daylight look as stupid as they do ghoulish now.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
GM: Charisma check.
Mamdani: [rolls natural 20]
GM: that’s a d6 how did you
Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊
Mamdani: [rolls natural 20]
GM: that’s a d6 how did you
Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊
February 7, 2026 at 5:01 AM
GM: Charisma check.
Mamdani: [rolls natural 20]
GM: that’s a d6 how did you
Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊
Mamdani: [rolls natural 20]
GM: that’s a d6 how did you
Mamdani: [direct to camera] Did you know you can check out board games at your local public library? 😊
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
normal friend still on twitter: i dunno about bluesky it seems like theres a lot of naive weirdos who get upset at the slightest provocation and fly off the handle
me, troll blood coursing through my veins: yea lol
me, troll blood coursing through my veins: yea lol
February 7, 2026 at 12:00 AM
normal friend still on twitter: i dunno about bluesky it seems like theres a lot of naive weirdos who get upset at the slightest provocation and fly off the handle
me, troll blood coursing through my veins: yea lol
me, troll blood coursing through my veins: yea lol
This is such a good palate cleanser after Trump's meltdown(s) and Starmer jibbering for his political life this weekn. Thank you again, World Mayor.
Reporter: Do any of you have a favorite animal?
Child: My favorite one is a gold snake that can move. It has gold eyes, and it has a super-duper tail…
Reporter: Mr. Mamdani, the second question for you.
Mamdani: Yes. It’s also the golden snake.
Child: My favorite one is a gold snake that can move. It has gold eyes, and it has a super-duper tail…
Reporter: Mr. Mamdani, the second question for you.
Mamdani: Yes. It’s also the golden snake.
February 6, 2026 at 11:59 PM
This is such a good palate cleanser after Trump's meltdown(s) and Starmer jibbering for his political life this weekn. Thank you again, World Mayor.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Finneas is better at political messaging than 99% of the Democratic consultants in DC.
February 6, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Finneas is better at political messaging than 99% of the Democratic consultants in DC.
hahahahahahahaha fucking hell you're not meant to get CAUGHT you silly cunts
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
Reform faces police investigation after distributing letters from ‘concerned neighbour’ in byelection campaign
Material did not have legally obligatory imprint clarifying that it was funded and distributed by political party
www.theguardian.com
February 6, 2026 at 7:48 PM
hahahahahahahaha fucking hell you're not meant to get CAUGHT you silly cunts
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
www.theguardian.com/politics/202...
thank FUCK for that
February 6, 2026 at 3:10 PM
thank FUCK for that
People keep saying "the only person who has gone to prison for any of this...is a woman" and yeah I know what you mean, all these abusive men in power continue to walk free. But Ghislaine Maxwell is ALSO a paedophile rapist sex trafficking monster and her life in prison is like being in a resort.
February 6, 2026 at 2:43 PM
People keep saying "the only person who has gone to prison for any of this...is a woman" and yeah I know what you mean, all these abusive men in power continue to walk free. But Ghislaine Maxwell is ALSO a paedophile rapist sex trafficking monster and her life in prison is like being in a resort.