Sooz Kempner
@soozuk.bsky.social
"Comedian". Doom in Doctor Who. Host @mysteryontherocks.bsky.social & Long Distance, Bit Weird (https://longdistancebitweird.podbean.com)
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Acting: Foundry Management VO: The Joneses
For all enquiries/brand partnerships: [email protected]
she/her
Pinned
LEICESTER COMEDY FESTIVAL!
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
This is not really the show advertised so if you saw it already you can totally come again. It's half what's listed, half a WIP for my new 2026 show about finding your voice, silencing trolls, and Princess Diana.
TICKETS: events.comedy-festival.co.uk/events/sooz-...
HOW ON EARTH IS THIS IN LESS THAN TWO WEEKS?!? Can’t wait to see you there, Leicester.
All Elon ever wanted was for people to think he was funny. He tried to buy that by buying Twitter. It didn't work. He made some half-arsed memes. That didn't work either. He went onstage with Dave Chapelle. People booed so much he had a breakdown.
Elon is sad because he isn't funny.
Elon is sad because he isn't funny.
February 5, 2026 at 3:06 AM
All Elon ever wanted was for people to think he was funny. He tried to buy that by buying Twitter. It didn't work. He made some half-arsed memes. That didn't work either. He went onstage with Dave Chapelle. People booed so much he had a breakdown.
Elon is sad because he isn't funny.
Elon is sad because he isn't funny.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
The way people quote posted me like I am stupid as fuck when I said the Dems were fucking us with their 2 week extension
"except in extraordinary and unusual circumstances" is a big enough loophole for a family of elephants to walk through. www.huffpost.com/entry/democr...
Democrats Ease Up On 1 Of Their Biggest ICE Demands
Masks might still be OK in "extraordinary and unusual circumstances," Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer said.
www.huffpost.com
February 5, 2026 at 2:34 AM
The way people quote posted me like I am stupid as fuck when I said the Dems were fucking us with their 2 week extension
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Really nuts how many men were like "Me Too went too far, and I need to email Jeffrey Epstein about it."
February 5, 2026 at 12:26 AM
Really nuts how many men were like "Me Too went too far, and I need to email Jeffrey Epstein about it."
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I genuinely saw someone praise Starmer for "getting ahead of this" and it's like praising an arsonist for putting out a fire they started just before it burns down the final room of a house.
February 4, 2026 at 11:05 PM
I genuinely saw someone praise Starmer for "getting ahead of this" and it's like praising an arsonist for putting out a fire they started just before it burns down the final room of a house.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
called it
There is zero reason to “tbf tho” with Peter Mandelson. None. He didn’t “help win Labour three elections”, he drove the vote down in Hartlepool a little more every time he stood there. He is a bit of old chewing gum stuck to a fetid desk.
February 4, 2026 at 10:36 PM
called it
made this and then got jealous of andrew's free flat
February 4, 2026 at 10:33 PM
made this and then got jealous of andrew's free flat
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I'm sad to announce that Lina's Law has claimed another victim
If Reform Ltd win it’ll be your fault. Not mine.
February 4, 2026 at 8:58 PM
I'm sad to announce that Lina's Law has claimed another victim
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
RFK, jr. is the worst person you ever met at a party in california, patel is the worst guy you ever encountered at the gym, bondi is the worst person you ever met at church, bessent is the worst person you have ever met at a conference, all these people are the worst versions of every stereotype
they made the entire administration out of the worst person you have ever known in every situation, vance is the worst person you ever met in college
February 4, 2026 at 6:11 PM
RFK, jr. is the worst person you ever met at a party in california, patel is the worst guy you ever encountered at the gym, bondi is the worst person you ever met at church, bessent is the worst person you have ever met at a conference, all these people are the worst versions of every stereotype
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
I got in SO MUCH trouble for this hugely viral tweet back in 2018 (from MAGA types mostly) but I stand by it (and in fact at the time the Auschwitz Museum defended me when people yelled at me that Auschwitz was a “death camp” not a concentration camp). My DENTIST congratulated me for this one
February 4, 2026 at 5:40 PM
I got in SO MUCH trouble for this hugely viral tweet back in 2018 (from MAGA types mostly) but I stand by it (and in fact at the time the Auschwitz Museum defended me when people yelled at me that Auschwitz was a “death camp” not a concentration camp). My DENTIST congratulated me for this one
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
That clip of Starmer saying “Yes it did” in response to Badenoch asking if the briefing on Mandelson mentioned his ongoing friendship with Epstein will never, ever go away
February 4, 2026 at 5:05 PM
That clip of Starmer saying “Yes it did” in response to Badenoch asking if the briefing on Mandelson mentioned his ongoing friendship with Epstein will never, ever go away
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
The behavior of our big beautiful billionaires over the past several decades is psychologically what I can only describe as "Crying out for consequences." They can't stop themselves and deep down they need to be stopped. They need it as much as we do
February 4, 2026 at 5:01 PM
The behavior of our big beautiful billionaires over the past several decades is psychologically what I can only describe as "Crying out for consequences." They can't stop themselves and deep down they need to be stopped. They need it as much as we do
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all
February 4, 2026 at 5:02 PM
After a lengthy appeals process and productive discussion with the Blue Sky safety team I will no loinger be sending George Thorogood lyrics to beautiful women on here via DM. Thank you all
boy gap
February 4, 2026 at 5:00 PM
boy gap
He can't even do cunty right. JD Vance is always in final boss uptight mode. He can claim he's a loosey-goosey shitpost dgaf legend but he will forever be the prefect even the other prefects want nothing to do with.
Reporter: Do you plan to apologize to the family of Alex Pretti?
Vance: For what?
Vance: For what?
February 4, 2026 at 4:54 PM
He can't even do cunty right. JD Vance is always in final boss uptight mode. He can claim he's a loosey-goosey shitpost dgaf legend but he will forever be the prefect even the other prefects want nothing to do with.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Sorry I don't think I'll ever get over the concept of "an Epstein-branded top", what do you MEAN that's a thing that exists???
losing my mind at this photo, it's literally the 'my t-shirt' meme
February 4, 2026 at 4:30 PM
Sorry I don't think I'll ever get over the concept of "an Epstein-branded top", what do you MEAN that's a thing that exists???
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Gonna posting this a lot over the coming weeks.
February 4, 2026 at 3:12 PM
Gonna posting this a lot over the coming weeks.
Emperor Tony Blair's a bit quiet.
February 4, 2026 at 12:55 PM
Emperor Tony Blair's a bit quiet.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
the cope coming from 20 follower starmer fans is going to be like manna from heaven
February 4, 2026 at 12:50 PM
the cope coming from 20 follower starmer fans is going to be like manna from heaven
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Guys guys, hear me out, what if it's just a comms issue?
February 4, 2026 at 12:47 PM
Guys guys, hear me out, what if it's just a comms issue?
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Wes Streeting saying on Today that Mandelson is ‘not the man we thought he was’ but the trouble is, he is exactly the man we thought, just on a much worse scale than almost anyone thought. And there is an alternative world where none of this is this govt’s problem, because they never gave him a job
February 4, 2026 at 8:16 AM
Wes Streeting saying on Today that Mandelson is ‘not the man we thought he was’ but the trouble is, he is exactly the man we thought, just on a much worse scale than almost anyone thought. And there is an alternative world where none of this is this govt’s problem, because they never gave him a job
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Guess he took a couple days off? labourlist.org/2017/02/mand...
February 4, 2026 at 12:33 PM
Guess he took a couple days off? labourlist.org/2017/02/mand...
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Instead he's conveniently utilising Mandelson as a lightning rod and scapegoat for the massive institutional corruption that enabled him. Just a bad apple, folks! Nothing to see here! Don't look at how rotten the barrel is!
If Starmer is serious (he's not, ofc) he'd introduce strict new anti-lobbying laws, bring in firewalls against revolving doors, and undertake a deep, unflinching investigation into financial and influence ties in politics, with criminal sanctions.
February 4, 2026 at 12:25 PM
Instead he's conveniently utilising Mandelson as a lightning rod and scapegoat for the massive institutional corruption that enabled him. Just a bad apple, folks! Nothing to see here! Don't look at how rotten the barrel is!
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
Starmer forced to admit he knew of Mandelson's continued relationship with Epstein after the first convicton when he appointed him ambassador. Eek this is a shocker.
Badenoch has nailed him on this.
Badenoch has nailed him on this.
February 4, 2026 at 12:15 PM
Starmer forced to admit he knew of Mandelson's continued relationship with Epstein after the first convicton when he appointed him ambassador. Eek this is a shocker.
Badenoch has nailed him on this.
Badenoch has nailed him on this.
Reposted by Sooz Kempner
This was in the papers in mid-2019
NEW: Keir Starmer has admitted that he knew Peter Mandelson had carried on a relationship with Jeffrey Epstein after his paedophilia conviction when he made him US ambassador
The admission came as Starmer confirmed a criminal investigation is taking place at Prime Minister's Questions
The admission came as Starmer confirmed a criminal investigation is taking place at Prime Minister's Questions
February 4, 2026 at 12:23 PM
This was in the papers in mid-2019