Goal of the protagonist in:
French novel: "to fall in love"
British novel: "to get married"
Russian novel: "to become a great man"
American novel: "to kill that fuckin' whale, man. I want that GOD DAMN whale to die. FUCK, I hate whales so much!!"

the arc of the moral universe could be a bit shorter imo

This is NOT what America is about. America is about *opens history book*

uh oh

*Frantically starts flipping though pages*

uh oh. oh no. no no no. uh oh