Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 6h

Mascots Who Fuck having another glorious moment in the sun will be the stabilising force in Bluesky's fortunes, and the Ozymandias wasteland of X will finally collapse into dust

1 2

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 6h

The Honey Monster, Hofmeister Bear and Mr Tayto would definitely have gone on an 18-30 to Magaluf together and not even needed a 'do not disturb if a sock's on the doorknob' system because they would've all been at it non-stop

RRRMMM @strongmisgiving.bsky.social · 7h

The Honey Monster is a Fuck Machine and Rose is/was right to say it

Rose Ruane @regretteruane.bsky.social · 11h

Someone had a right go at me because I said the Honey Monster definitely fucks and would be an attentive and enthusiastic lover with a willingness to experiment

2 6

Reposted by Alan Burns

Rob Palk @robpalk.bsky.social · 6h

I don't know if I told you and @regretteruane.bsky.social this at the time but my sources once informed me that the 1980s honeymonster and the 1980s guy who played Mr Muscle were (and maybe still are) a couple

1 1 3

Reposted by Alan Burns

RRRMMM @strongmisgiving.bsky.social · 7h

The Honey Monster is a Fuck Machine and Rose is/was right to say it

Rose Ruane @regretteruane.bsky.social · 11h

Someone had a right go at me because I said the Honey Monster definitely fucks and would be an attentive and enthusiastic lover with a willingness to experiment

2 3 13

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 6h

"my sources", says Rob, thumbing through a filofax, numerous notebooks and some curled post-its representing the sum of human knowledge of mascots who fuck *and* fucked in real life

1 3

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 7h

This is entirely correct (greatest lyricist) and Hearts & Bones is the greatest song ever written; I will die on these two hills

Jeremy Allen @jeres.bsky.social · 8h

Nobody ever says Paul Simon but the answer is actually Paul Simon.

Emily, a Two-Shoes-Gooder @rebelmusicteach.bsky.social · 3d

I also need to know: I am fairly middle-of-the-road on Taylor Swift but someone I know called her the Greatest Living Lyricist. She is not.

Who is yours? Either the greatest or your favorite?

3

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 14h

It does! It's definitely something utterly life-altering and I love how it could either be the last vestiges of a blue funk the right person snaps them out of, or it might be a slowly-dying lament of 'I have wasted my life'.

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 15h

I remember (think it was) Bjorn saying you can actually work out the denouement from everything that's in the song, but not sure if he was serious / just trolling. I'd rather never know, it's an utter genius riddle for the ages. Was listening to More Gold in Tesco recently and got chills when it hit

1 1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 16h

The reverb that gradually renders him incomprehensible is just an incredible production touch to put on a country track, I love it

1 1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 17h

Wagoner I only know from one song, and it's this terrifying dirge that has haunted my nightmares ever since someone wrote an entire magazine article about it 30 years ago

1 4

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 18h

Enjoying the second-greatest Mancunian guitarist ever while ignoring the foghorn twat gurning over the top like I've always done, but with Julia Roberts gently explaining to me that Britain First are bad, actually

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 18h

Now playing: I'm going to have to get the complete & properly remastered version from last year, aren't I; this goes so hard

CD cover of A Night At The "Village Vanguard", Volume 1 by Sonny Rollins [Blue Note, 1957; 80s CD version]

1 1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 19h

I've dipped a toe into Sensation's Fix, also Italian: their discography is a massive ballache for a CD buyer like me, but there's a good recent-ish compilation out there. The main guy was a big Fripp-head, to the point of putting little admiring messages to 'Robert' on albums.

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 19h

Franco Battiato is my favourite from that first list: an accurate-ish description that I've seen is to imagine Scott Walker's career in reverse, the batshit avant-garde stuff comes first, then by the 80s he's an album-oriented superstar, basically the Italian version of similar era Peter Gabriel

2

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 19h

Another one from Saturday's pile: Lovano & DeJohnette in the lineup particularly caught my eye on this one, and both are off to a flying start. This is the first XtraWatt release I've bought, most of its output seems to be Swallow/Bley/extended family projects

CD cover of Real Book by Steve Swallow with Joe Lovano, Tom Harrell, Mulgrew Miller and Jack DeJohnette [XtraWatt, 1994]

1 2

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 20h

Now playing: waking up shredding

CD cover of Grace Under Pressure by John Scofield with Bill Frisell, Charlie Haden and Joey Baron [Blue Note, 1992]

1 1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 20h

Mr Pastry, the Hofmeister Bear, Bond eating scrambled eggs and Vexations

1 1 2

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 21h

Is it still going round your head, like a phantom pattern

1 1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 21h

It's what he would've wanted (in between teaching Tricolore books to bored tweens/teenagers)

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

Oh they were stunners. I used to gaze in the window of our local hifi dealer like a dog at a butcher's shop when I was wee, dreaming of a life beyond the Tandy shoebox tape recorder I owned...

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

Ooft that Hitachi Opus 1 (here's a higher res pic of one that's going on ebay) is a gorgeous piece of design, CD deck & the two tape decks all in a neat row- it's like 70s top-load configuration reimagined in an 80s design; and the control panel on the right is giving video editor vibes! No. Notes.

A long, flat tabletop midi hifi with a top-loading CD deck at left, and two tape decks to the right of it, and a nice panel of big dials at furthest right, it is pure sex and I want one

2 1 11

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

I'm sure after a while she was checking a full rotation of it before each class to avoid any further embarrassment, as was the halitosis-afflicted computer science teacher who'd had one two many crude drawings of a toothbrush and toothpaste lurking at the back of his board

1

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

The never-confirmed (but widely suspected) rumour of a male French teacher and female English teacher having an affair. Due to notorious dental hygiene, his nickname was "Hairy Teeth", and the number of times she spun round her blackboard to find "SHAVE HIS TEETH" scrawled on it became legendary

The Fence @thefence.bsky.social · 1d

Fence #26 will be a special on all things print, and in tribute to the storied history of the UK gutter press, our letters page wants your GOSSIP & SCANDAL.

So, we're asking you all: what was the most scandalous (true or false) bit of gossip that dominated your school or neighbourhood growing up?

A photo of assembled paparazzi waiting to snap your shame for the scandal sheets.

2 7

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

Bet if you wound back time by fifty-odd Newport Folk Festivals this would be a gathering of the hippest sexiest motherfuckers on the planet

Jake Grumbach @jakemgrumbach.bsky.social · 1d

Shoutout to the Boomers, really showing everybody else up in 2025

3 11

Alan Burns @alanburns.bsky.social · 1d

Looked up the pianist, was not disappointed by the man behind a 14-hour Vexations having a vibe of 'absolutely fucks'

Alessandro Deljavan's Discogs page, image 1: come and look into my shiny piano, ladies

Alessandro Deljavan's Discogs page, image 2: form an orderly queue, signoras

1 1 3