I’m not sure which is worse: being in a tornado, or having to shelter in a bathroom while a stranger has explosive diarrhea. #blessed

“If you’re queer in a red state, you need to get out.”

I’m poor as shit in Missouri. The fuck am I doing to do on the coasts? Might as well say that if you’re homeless, you need to buy a house.

Be a part of the solution or sit all the way down.

Watching Dexter for first time because it matches the national vibe.

Imagine having enough money to fix every single one of our societal issues and STILL be the richest man alive, but choosing to be a little bitch over
Africa getting mosquito nets.

That man is a once-in-a-generation level of small.

Out of 510,000 NCAA athletes, less than 10 are transgender. They are literally writing an executive order to target less than a hundred people nationwide. Republicans spent over $110 million in anti-trans ads on a made up problem.

🍴

All the best journalists take their jobs very seriously, but also let utter, high school-bullying levels of contempt shine through when they have to refer to a government entity as “DOGE”. As it should be.

All US men’s sizes are in metric. Women’s are in imperial, written in broken crayons on the damp part of a
Macaroni grill paper tablecloth.

Ever wondered why walking around museums is weirdly tiring? At normal speed our legs act like pendulums, swinging forward from the hip & saving us a huge amount of energy. In "museum shuffle" our muscles must do ALL the work of constant readjustment. So cake in the cafe is scientifically justified 🥳

Someone desperately needs to play dopey tuba music over this, cartoon-style.

I’ve been sober over a year now and i’ve discovered that eating a fucked up meal at 4 AM is just a genuine interest of mine

If we agree that Heaven is above us & Hell is below us, then it makes sense that winter is caused by Hell freezing over (while it leaks up into the Earth) and summer occurs once Hell thaws out & warms back up again. Therefore, snowmen are actually demons. In this essay,

they’ll figure it out if they get hungry enough

apparently there is a really good thread somewhere on bluesky breaking down the johnny somali saga in Korea so I'll be brief: a super annoying American shock streamer desecrated a comfort women memorial and Koreans are now crowdfunding bail (+ rewards????) for anyone who punches him out in public

Today, like every day, Merrick Garland sat down with a cup of tea at precisely 11am. He then opened one email, composed a thoughtful response, saved it to drafts, and took a three-hour lunch. After he got back to the office, he opened the draft, fixed a typo, hit send. "Justice is done," he chuckled