Introduce yourself with some jobs you've done apart from what you do now:

- Shopping cart collector
- Warehouse storeman
- Menswear retailer
- Grocery store cleaner
- Gas station pump jockey
- Pizza delivery driver
- Liquor store sales
- Software tester

These guys

I actually do have a cold sore right now - first in ten years - so there you go, something a little topical for ya

Me [at the club talking to a nice girl (I clearly have a cold sore)]: how about we turn this herpes simplex into herpes duplex

I’m 47 and went for a run yesterday and now I’m 79 apparently so yeah time travel is real folks

Iggy Pop is short for Ignoble Poptart

A suggestive, concise intro to some word processing software is a forward four word foreword for Word.

*Me observing the devastating effects of global air travel on the environment*

More like The Wrong Brothers

"Where my girls at?" I call.

My dozens of daughters emerge from the woods. They have killed an elk to feed their father. This pleases me.

Starting to wonder if I’ll ever be the kinda G the little homies wanna be like

Squids who think they might be pregnant probably have an inkling

I love how everyone thinks they know what colour dinosaurs were

Co-worker via Teams: “…or hardly working amirite?”
My forced guffaw belies the fact I have indeed been hardly working for several years now. I’m just fucking good at it.

Rising to the challenge of feigning disappointment that my 8yo son’s 7:30am Saturday basketball game has been pushed out by a week.

Tour de France (men, and soon women) will be over soon. If any TV networks want to hire a chopper and just fly around France for the next three months while some guy with a slightly French accent narrates the scenery, and broadcast it live for a few hours each night, I’d watch the hell out of that.