@davidmascorro.bsky.social
“I’m addicted to TRUE CRIME” - Target Shoplifter
May 29, 2025 at 4:41 AM
“I’m addicted to TRUE CRIME” - Target Shoplifter
“Do you like Sunny D?” - Arizona Nudist
May 22, 2025 at 9:11 PM
“Do you like Sunny D?” - Arizona Nudist
Reposted
I just wrote something musical about a duvet, it’s my first cover song.
May 14, 2025 at 9:42 PM
I just wrote something musical about a duvet, it’s my first cover song.
Man, what a Robert Frost-esque moment.
April 29, 2025 at 12:12 AM
Man, what a Robert Frost-esque moment.
“I’m a Sandwich Sh-Artist” - Me with Diarrhea at Subway
April 6, 2025 at 12:09 AM
“I’m a Sandwich Sh-Artist” - Me with Diarrhea at Subway
I’m going to invent an AI for incels called “CHAD GPT”
March 24, 2025 at 4:56 PM
I’m going to invent an AI for incels called “CHAD GPT”
Why is my nickname “Breakfast in Bed” well it’s because…
March 22, 2025 at 9:13 PM
Why is my nickname “Breakfast in Bed” well it’s because…
“You ever stream Peacock?” - Me talking to myself at a urinal.
March 19, 2025 at 7:45 PM
“You ever stream Peacock?” - Me talking to myself at a urinal.
Watching Paris Texas for the first time.
Harry Dean Stanton was such a unique talent.
Harry Dean Stanton was such a unique talent.
March 4, 2025 at 12:09 AM
Watching Paris Texas for the first time.
Harry Dean Stanton was such a unique talent.
Harry Dean Stanton was such a unique talent.
Me, checking my nose hairs in the mirror.
February 24, 2025 at 4:35 PM
Me, checking my nose hairs in the mirror.
“Oh shit, that’s today” - 33% of you right now
February 14, 2025 at 7:07 PM
“Oh shit, that’s today” - 33% of you right now
T.G.I.F. - me, for 14 more days this month.
February 14, 2025 at 3:31 PM
T.G.I.F. - me, for 14 more days this month.
My back hurts, I blame my front.
February 12, 2025 at 5:53 PM
My back hurts, I blame my front.
“Happy SuperBowl Monday” - Me justifying eating 20 leftover wings from my party on Sunday
February 11, 2025 at 4:04 AM
“Happy SuperBowl Monday” - Me justifying eating 20 leftover wings from my party on Sunday
Reposted
It Only Tuesday
theonion.com/it-only...
theonion.com/it-only...
February 4, 2025 at 3:00 PM
It Only Tuesday
theonion.com/it-only...
theonion.com/it-only...
Reposted
No writer is a failure until they are dead. Full stop. A career in writing is built over decades. It's built like a house, brick by brick, book by book. Not published yet? Emphasis on YET. Book not selling? It's not selling YET. You're only done when you quit.
And I don't think you're ready to quit
And I don't think you're ready to quit
February 4, 2025 at 12:56 AM
No writer is a failure until they are dead. Full stop. A career in writing is built over decades. It's built like a house, brick by brick, book by book. Not published yet? Emphasis on YET. Book not selling? It's not selling YET. You're only done when you quit.
And I don't think you're ready to quit
And I don't think you're ready to quit
Books are like Sports Trophies for Smart People.
January 30, 2025 at 5:42 PM
Books are like Sports Trophies for Smart People.
Some days you’re the premise other days you’re the punchline. Either way it’s nice to be talked about.
January 29, 2025 at 5:43 AM
Some days you’re the premise other days you’re the punchline. Either way it’s nice to be talked about.
I’m going to write a Murder Mystery book with a Pregnant Protagonist turned Private Investigator & the title will be “9 months to Kill”.
January 28, 2025 at 4:30 AM
I’m going to write a Murder Mystery book with a Pregnant Protagonist turned Private Investigator & the title will be “9 months to Kill”.
"They all float here”- Pennywise & The Dead Sea
January 27, 2025 at 8:06 PM
"They all float here”- Pennywise & The Dead Sea
Reposted
Loads of spelling mistakes in this.
January 23, 2025 at 4:52 PM
Loads of spelling mistakes in this.
I heard that people are celebrating “half birthdays”.
That’s fine for you amateurs but I don’t need an excuse to polish off 50% of a birthday cake for no reason whatsoever.
That’s fine for you amateurs but I don’t need an excuse to polish off 50% of a birthday cake for no reason whatsoever.
January 23, 2025 at 6:39 PM
I heard that people are celebrating “half birthdays”.
That’s fine for you amateurs but I don’t need an excuse to polish off 50% of a birthday cake for no reason whatsoever.
That’s fine for you amateurs but I don’t need an excuse to polish off 50% of a birthday cake for no reason whatsoever.
My recent missed calls:
SPAM LIKELY: 54 times this week
My Mexican Mom: 55 times this week
You almost love me as much scammers, nice effort though.
SPAM LIKELY: 54 times this week
My Mexican Mom: 55 times this week
You almost love me as much scammers, nice effort though.
January 9, 2025 at 8:35 PM
My recent missed calls:
SPAM LIKELY: 54 times this week
My Mexican Mom: 55 times this week
You almost love me as much scammers, nice effort though.
SPAM LIKELY: 54 times this week
My Mexican Mom: 55 times this week
You almost love me as much scammers, nice effort though.