Emily Dalton
@emilydalton.bsky.social
I'm getting really fucking sick of people holding me accountable for the things I do when I'm drunk and ovulating. Get out of my face
December 18, 2025 at 9:57 PM
I'm getting really fucking sick of people holding me accountable for the things I do when I'm drunk and ovulating. Get out of my face
I can't believe this weekend is only 2 days long
December 6, 2025 at 8:26 AM
I can't believe this weekend is only 2 days long
I don't mind if Republicans stop taking Tylenol, more for me
September 25, 2025 at 1:12 AM
I don't mind if Republicans stop taking Tylenol, more for me
Reposted by Emily Dalton
Ohh "America First" was a hit list
April 3, 2025 at 6:43 PM
Ohh "America First" was a hit list
I asked a guy I'm dating if he wanted me to die and he said "only if you want to!" What a supportive king
March 24, 2025 at 2:27 AM
I asked a guy I'm dating if he wanted me to die and he said "only if you want to!" What a supportive king
Reposted by Emily Dalton
The red hot chili peppers should change it up and start writing all their songs about rhode island
March 12, 2025 at 5:10 AM
The red hot chili peppers should change it up and start writing all their songs about rhode island
Reposted by Emily Dalton
republicans: fyi we are bombing france for being too gay and lead poisoning is now mandatory
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
March 6, 2025 at 4:25 PM
republicans: fyi we are bombing france for being too gay and lead poisoning is now mandatory
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
democrats: yeah? well prepare yourselves for several strongly worded haikus
This reboot of The Apprentice is kind of dark
February 27, 2025 at 7:11 PM
This reboot of The Apprentice is kind of dark
Stop fighting with brainwashed strangers on the internet, conserve your energy for the water wars
February 6, 2025 at 4:31 PM
Stop fighting with brainwashed strangers on the internet, conserve your energy for the water wars
Reposted by Emily Dalton
“waahhhh egg prices are too high” just lay the eggs yourself you lazy prick
January 24, 2025 at 2:11 AM
“waahhhh egg prices are too high” just lay the eggs yourself you lazy prick
Reposted by Emily Dalton
Stop being ableist. You can be autistic AND a N*zi
January 22, 2025 at 5:24 PM
Stop being ableist. You can be autistic AND a N*zi
The "us" in "It Ends with Us" is Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni, the "it" is my ability to discern who is doing a smear campaign against who
January 4, 2025 at 4:22 AM
The "us" in "It Ends with Us" is Blake Lively and Justin Baldoni, the "it" is my ability to discern who is doing a smear campaign against who
Reposted by Emily Dalton
got into a huge fight with the wife but she apologized by buying me a cybertruck and a brand new life insurance policy
January 2, 2025 at 1:03 PM
got into a huge fight with the wife but she apologized by buying me a cybertruck and a brand new life insurance policy
Reposted by Emily Dalton
unpopular take but muppet christmas carol made a mistake, Tiny Tim is supposed to die so that he can come back in the sequel as a stronger, more challenging antagonist to Scrooge, Large Tim
December 25, 2024 at 10:24 PM
unpopular take but muppet christmas carol made a mistake, Tiny Tim is supposed to die so that he can come back in the sequel as a stronger, more challenging antagonist to Scrooge, Large Tim
Reposted by Emily Dalton
Last christmas I gave you my heart and you put it in a blender
December 20, 2024 at 8:46 PM
Last christmas I gave you my heart and you put it in a blender
Wow I just realized I don't want a baby and never did, I just want *to be* a baby. Make my life someone else's problem
December 16, 2024 at 4:27 PM
Wow I just realized I don't want a baby and never did, I just want *to be* a baby. Make my life someone else's problem
Sometimes my niece tells me "you can't do that, Grandpa has to do it for you." I think she thinks I'm also 9??
December 12, 2024 at 6:27 PM
Sometimes my niece tells me "you can't do that, Grandpa has to do it for you." I think she thinks I'm also 9??
Reposted by Emily Dalton
his pen is too small, he looks like he's being raised for veal
December 8, 2024 at 4:11 PM
his pen is too small, he looks like he's being raised for veal
When I invite a romantic interest to 90s Night and he doesn't want to go, he gets blocked. I just don't find myself sexually attracted to anyone who doesn't want to go to 90s Night
December 7, 2024 at 7:38 PM
When I invite a romantic interest to 90s Night and he doesn't want to go, he gets blocked. I just don't find myself sexually attracted to anyone who doesn't want to go to 90s Night
When someone asks what's wrong with me: (to the tune of Purple Rain) 🎵 Broken brain, broken brain 🎵
December 4, 2024 at 7:30 PM
When someone asks what's wrong with me: (to the tune of Purple Rain) 🎵 Broken brain, broken brain 🎵
Reposted by Emily Dalton
In an alternate universe there’s only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with john travolta
December 2, 2024 at 3:08 AM
In an alternate universe there’s only one movie about falling in love, but thousands about swapping faces with john travolta
Happy thanksgiving, my mom keeps mentioning I need to dye my eyebrows. I am not holding space for that
November 28, 2024 at 4:53 PM
Happy thanksgiving, my mom keeps mentioning I need to dye my eyebrows. I am not holding space for that
Reposted by Emily Dalton
Let’s run the government like a business, drive the car like a bicycle, and play the guitar like a piano
November 25, 2024 at 11:41 AM
Let’s run the government like a business, drive the car like a bicycle, and play the guitar like a piano