tfw it’s your turn to be the Tory party leader but you already agreed to be Watford manager on that day

What do we want?
Motorbike noises.
When do we want it?
Nnnyyyyyowwww.

11 managers sacked since 2020. Ridiculous.

Interviewer: no, I meant do you have any questions about the job?

Me: so, what do you think of my time machine?

Jokes about Watford sacking their manager again etc etc

This country…

It’s a "crisis" when immigrants "take jobs away", but "innovation" when machines do. Funny.

I‘ve just realised what it is about Kemi Badenoch that I previously couldn’t quite put my finger on. She’s a dickwad.

A crisp £5 note to the first journalist to ask Kemi Badenoch if she has a humiliation kink

why don't they have pain-killers in the jungle?

because the parrots have eaten all of them

MAGICIAN: Is this your card?

ME: No

MAGICIAN: Is this your card?

ME: No

MAGICIAN: This one?

ME: No. When is our regular postman back from holiday?

The Greens requested an interview on the Laura Kuenssberg Show with Zack Polanski when he was elected leader, but were denied, with a promise to interview him during Green conference instead.

This was then scrapped citing the Manchester synagogue attack. Polanski is both Jewish and from Manchester

one day we're going to find an unexploded landmine or something and it'll be what my mother uses to hold the garden door open or something

Bit niche I think, but apparently this parking spot is reserved for female rock climbers.

And this is here with EmmyLou and Linda singing After The Gold Rush.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=o2Xc...

This is a great Dolly song.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=bflk...

Reform's brilliant DOGE team at Kent council found zero savings and now want to raise council tax. It's almost as if they were lying and haven't got a clue what they're doing.

Metal organic frameworks is a great album, tbf
bsky.app/profile/davi...

“It wasn’t really a debate; it was curated hatred. There were no voices from trans people on stage”

“It’s not just trans people, it’s immigrants, it’s asylum seekers, it looks like they’re going through a list of the most vulnerable people and blaming them for the problems of the world.” 😖

Pardon

I thought this was an Onion headline

If one of the most annoying white blokes in football gets it, it can’t be that hard. www.theguardian.com/football/202...