Jon Tucker
@handicapper8.bsky.social
Highly suggestible
Montreal
Author of Flying Objects, Putz Of The Century.
Montreal
Author of Flying Objects, Putz Of The Century.
Pinned
Jon Tucker
@handicapper8.bsky.social
· Oct 16
Back when I was a kid, the scariest thing in literature was a footprint.
REPORTER: "If you were a muscle, which muscle would you be?"
JD VANCE: "I'm the sphincter!"
JD VANCE: "I'm the sphincter!"
January 10, 2026 at 11:50 PM
REPORTER: "If you were a muscle, which muscle would you be?"
JD VANCE: "I'm the sphincter!"
JD VANCE: "I'm the sphincter!"
If he wishes for your death, you're allowed to wish for his.
January 10, 2026 at 8:20 PM
If he wishes for your death, you're allowed to wish for his.
Reposted by Jon Tucker
Political cartoonists are not fuckin’ around this week. (thread)
1. Pat Bagley
1. Pat Bagley
January 9, 2026 at 1:35 PM
Political cartoonists are not fuckin’ around this week. (thread)
1. Pat Bagley
1. Pat Bagley
Is Judge Judy presiding in the Maduro case?
January 5, 2026 at 6:59 PM
Is Judge Judy presiding in the Maduro case?
If baritone isn't your favorite type of saxophone, we will never, ever be friends. Do not approach me.
January 4, 2026 at 7:08 PM
If baritone isn't your favorite type of saxophone, we will never, ever be friends. Do not approach me.
Another day, another war.
January 3, 2026 at 8:28 PM
Another day, another war.
January 3, 2026 at 8:08 PM
Reposted by Jon Tucker
Reposted by Jon Tucker
It’s as if the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing.
January 3, 2026 at 10:42 AM
It’s as if the FIFA Peace Prize means nothing.
Reposted by Jon Tucker
Stupid is very easy to feed. Stupid will eat anything.
June 1, 2025 at 11:27 PM
Stupid is very easy to feed. Stupid will eat anything.
New Year’s Eve has always been about finding my way home in the cold, broke, drunk, and alone.
December 31, 2025 at 11:14 PM
New Year’s Eve has always been about finding my way home in the cold, broke, drunk, and alone.
My natural musk is chicken broth.
December 28, 2025 at 8:34 PM
My natural musk is chicken broth.
If your recipe calls for celery, you're doing something wrong.
December 12, 2025 at 6:50 PM
If your recipe calls for celery, you're doing something wrong.
If I had children, they'd know how to cook for me by now.
December 6, 2025 at 9:21 PM
If I had children, they'd know how to cook for me by now.
Wanted an omelet this morning but made the mistake of spending $30.2 million on one Fabergé egg.
December 2, 2025 at 8:14 PM
Wanted an omelet this morning but made the mistake of spending $30.2 million on one Fabergé egg.
Don't forget to kiss your middle fingers before sending them out.
December 2, 2025 at 5:09 PM
Don't forget to kiss your middle fingers before sending them out.
Reposted by Jon Tucker
CDC website altered at Robert F. Kennedy's behest to reflect his belief that "all events depicted in the film Ghostbusters really happened."
November 26, 2025 at 6:10 PM
CDC website altered at Robert F. Kennedy's behest to reflect his belief that "all events depicted in the film Ghostbusters really happened."
Is it wrong for me to set a love story in 1985? Asking for a friend.
November 18, 2025 at 7:46 PM
Is it wrong for me to set a love story in 1985? Asking for a friend.
Doesn't matter where I am, I clap at the end of every song.
November 15, 2025 at 8:42 PM
Doesn't matter where I am, I clap at the end of every song.
Physically, I could make 90. Mentally and emotionally, no way.
November 13, 2025 at 9:16 PM
Physically, I could make 90. Mentally and emotionally, no way.
No Memory November. When I forget everyone's birthdays.
November 11, 2025 at 5:12 PM
No Memory November. When I forget everyone's birthdays.
Unlike most people, my b.o. is delicious. Sausage and peppers, mustard and onions, and sometimes I emit the aroma of banana.
November 11, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Unlike most people, my b.o. is delicious. Sausage and peppers, mustard and onions, and sometimes I emit the aroma of banana.
If I traveled back in time, I'd probably just go shopping. Past era prices, man!
November 9, 2025 at 9:40 PM
If I traveled back in time, I'd probably just go shopping. Past era prices, man!
I've been finding out for 20 years. Can't even remember the last time I fucked around.
November 6, 2025 at 5:08 PM
I've been finding out for 20 years. Can't even remember the last time I fucked around.