Jack Walsh
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jackwaltimore.bsky.social
Jack Walsh
@jackwaltimore.bsky.social
Despair would be appropriate in principle, but it is pointless in practice.

All quotations are fraudulent and/or actionably libelous (unless otherwise indicated by the context).
At no point during that entire movie does it even come across that he is in charge of anything.
December 4, 2025 at 3:34 PM
"Judge him not for the millions who died for his vainglorious pursuit of European domination, but for his losercuckdom"
December 4, 2025 at 3:31 PM
Yeah, he was a freak by virtue of how singularly extraordinary he was, but that does mean that he wasn't pathetic, and portraying him as such is disserving the material and wasting the audience's time.
December 4, 2025 at 7:59 AM
It made my forehead look fucking incredible.
December 4, 2025 at 7:41 AM
So Novichok is basically like GHB where it's kinda fun in small doses that fall short of its actual intent?
December 4, 2025 at 7:37 AM
Not trying to pursue it, but is the "Soviet research chemical" bit actually true? Like I always figured that was a sort of stand-in joke.
December 4, 2025 at 7:33 AM
*scenes
December 4, 2025 at 7:29 AM
Perhaps if could have included some screens that depicted him as powerful in any way at any point...
December 4, 2025 at 7:27 AM
It's not that strong of a drug unless you do a lot of it or find some baking soda.
December 4, 2025 at 7:11 AM
He conquered Europe.
December 4, 2025 at 7:09 AM
It could have easily contained as many Asians as the book. That was eminently doable.

Mindy Park... COME ON
December 4, 2025 at 7:09 AM
"The most competent man who ever lived was a punk bitch" is the thesis of that movie.

Like, congratulations on being English, dude.
December 4, 2025 at 7:08 AM
I try to block that one out. Robin Hood was one of the biggest pieces of shit I've ever seen. The Martian was certainly watchable but one of the most whitewashed movies ever made.
December 4, 2025 at 7:05 AM
Yes, Adam Driver's version is obviously very different, I meant the last two.
December 4, 2025 at 7:03 AM
Did he have his blood replaced, though?
December 4, 2025 at 6:58 AM
The Last Duel is the Rashomon of heterosexuality, in that it shows you the exact same version twice except she's pissy about his attitude towards events they both agreed definitely happened.

He's so washed...
December 4, 2025 at 6:56 AM
This is basically the setting of my Sonic the Hedgehog adaptation, except Dr. Mobius was a furry who was forced to flee Earth for unspecified reasons related to the creation of the animal-people.
December 4, 2025 at 6:30 AM
Also, I really loved the scene with the officer bringing the news to the roundly-shitfaced British Admiralty who are all singing Anacreon in Heaven while celebrating Napoleon's first defeat, and one of the admirals just starts shouting "HORATIO" while bawling uncontrollably.
December 4, 2025 at 5:47 AM
I've written seven versions of the Battle of Baltimore and six of them started with the attack on DC being retaliation for the American blockade of Britain, which started 3 weeks before the Chesapeake campaign.

I only stopped doing that because the opening naval battle was pointlessly expensive.
December 4, 2025 at 5:45 AM