My main two Kevin updates are that I tricked him into thinking his name was in the Epstein Files 600,000 times and I keep telling him I'm going to get him a BBL / Flowers for Algernon surgery combo

if i died in my sleep during the weekend i think it would take a few days for someone to call the police and my cat would've eaten my face by the time they found me

there's no right amount of milk for my needs

YES!

they keep bringing up the guy that was here before you, who they had to kick out after he bailed on the Nightmare Before Christmas and Settlers of Catan sex party where the dress code was kigurumi onesies

none of these people have even heard of the criterion channel. they all share the most expensive Disney Plus plan and they've never even opened the ESPN channel that came with it

we're taking one lucky bushwick poly person and we're dropping them in the middle of a weirdly straight polycule in des moines, iowa where everyone is really into board games and they have 14 children between them all

When me and my younger sibling were young we'd chant "retard hands" while watching our dad suck at Legend of Zelda. Anyways I spend a lot of time nowadays volunteering, donating to various causes, and being interpersonally kind

Meth is DIY. Crafty. You work hard to harvest copper or catalytic converters and then you go on down to Price Chopper and you get those batteries and cough syrup and drain cleaner and you make shit happen

say what you want about meth, but that's the drug of working class america. coke is cosmopolitan. imported from overseas. covered in the blood of the innocent. meth? the boys down the street used to make that in their free time until they blew their house up. & they only blew up their own house