Wallace and Gromit robbed

beautiful cat with homophobia

my personal fave

Just got fired. I was the DEI Coordinator for your mom (ensuring diversity among her many many many sexual partners there were so many)

me: html holidays for $200
ken jennings: This spring holiday uses a play on words to celebrate a film franchise based in a galaxy far, far away.
me: trick or treat
ken jennings. No.
me: what is trick or treat
me: or i mean what is halloween
ken jennings. No.
me: i wish there were other contestants

The American healthcare system is perfect you can get speed and boner pills from doctors on FaceTime what more do you want

I’m a one issue voter and that issue is all long John silvers locations being required to produce some form of fish taco

Dyslexic guy named Stan: what the fuck

If the grinch really wanted to send a message he would’ve cut the town eggnog supply with antifreeze

Who exactly decides when NFL refs pick up a flag? That’s what I’d like to know

Me, after 2 domestic light beers:

Bombas but instead of socks and underwear they donate 4lokos and black n milds

Interviewer asking about a time I overcame hardship and I tell them about the time I accidentally swallowed a zyn and threw up at the movies

i think Drake’s only option at this point is try to appeal to Liz Cheney

It’s been so long since I deleted Twitter and got off socials the first time I read a post about something being ableist my eyes went black like the shark in finding Nemo when dory has a nosebleed

My girlfriend: I love you but I’m not sure youtube is a feasible career choice

Me, putting the finishing touches on my “CANDLES IN THE AIR FRYER FOR 10 HOURS PART 3” thumbnail: are you serious? After everything we’ve sacrificed?