At the beginning of “Big Trouble in Little China,” Egg, the mage, shoots electricity between his hands.

I spend a few minutes of every day since I was a kid, willing power to my fingers. I slowly push my hands together, every muscle tight.

It never happens. This is very annoying.

Its okay, everyone. Dragons are shape changers. Donkey was never in any danger.

Just a reminder that AFAB men and women have a much higher pain tolerance than AMAB men and women. If she says its a 7, you would be on the floor in the fetal position.

The combined net worth of Trump's small circle of inauguration attendees yesterday is over $1 trillion.

Remember that when Trump said "I am your voice," this is who he was talking to.

fostering a dog and he just tried to eat my lasagna. you’re not a cat bro. that’s cultural appropriation

I keep thinking on the fact that little screens that emit light into ours eyes is a hack of how our eyes work.

The fact that my future self hasn't shown up with buckets of cash obviously means my grandkids are fucking awesome. That or socialist utopia ofc.

I see a lot of people wearing black at inauguration. It looks like a funeral.

I’m sad.

I occasionally go to Reddit and post incorrect answers in old dead threads so the person finally gets the correct answer from all the people telling me I'm stupid

Using that time tested tactic of claiming I left my EpiPen at the hotel so I can go poop with dignity.

Cookies are great but have you ever had a meaningful and impactful moment with a client in therapy that broke a years long log jam and allowed them to finally release those deeply repressed emotions and begin their healing process?

figuring out the right pithy statement brb

In a recent study, scientists identified microplastics in the testicles of every male subject studied, as well as discovering a complete Lego head in the urethra of one specific patient.

Here I am old enough that I'll likely survive okay in an apocalypse where we lose all technology but young enough to really wonder why I would want to.

Surging from the sea, Cthulhu grabs you with the smallest of his gargantuan tentacles, holds you to his hideously huge maw and whispers:

Its pronounced "Choo-Choo-Lou," cause I like trains.