Moorepheme
@moorepheme.bsky.social
So is there someone who'll tell you you're insane or do you have to, like, eat people first?
Pinned
On my murder spree I'm going to be sure to use an interesting murder weapon like a pie server or a harpoon.
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
We should send this into space with no context and see who shows up.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsGj... #ET #80s
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsGj... #ET #80s
Taco - Puttin' On The Ritz (Official Video)
YouTube video by Taco
www.youtube.com
January 10, 2026 at 5:06 PM
We should send this into space with no context and see who shows up.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsGj... #ET #80s
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsGj... #ET #80s
Why do we still make plates and glasses out of easily breakable materials when we can build a car for the president with windows I can't smash through with a hammer?
January 8, 2026 at 12:55 PM
Why do we still make plates and glasses out of easily breakable materials when we can build a car for the president with windows I can't smash through with a hammer?
At the party:
Guy: Whoa! You're cute!
Me: Oh yeah? (Oh no.)
Guy YAH... what's your name, baby?
Me: Edith (Ugh. Am I going to have to taze this guy?)
Guy: So, what iz upp?
Me: Not much. (Sigh. Yes, I am.)
Guy: So how about we-GZZRKK!
Me: Hm. (He's kind of cute when he's unconscious.)
#dating
Guy: Whoa! You're cute!
Me: Oh yeah? (Oh no.)
Guy YAH... what's your name, baby?
Me: Edith (Ugh. Am I going to have to taze this guy?)
Guy: So, what iz upp?
Me: Not much. (Sigh. Yes, I am.)
Guy: So how about we-GZZRKK!
Me: Hm. (He's kind of cute when he's unconscious.)
#dating
January 7, 2026 at 1:09 PM
At the party:
Guy: Whoa! You're cute!
Me: Oh yeah? (Oh no.)
Guy YAH... what's your name, baby?
Me: Edith (Ugh. Am I going to have to taze this guy?)
Guy: So, what iz upp?
Me: Not much. (Sigh. Yes, I am.)
Guy: So how about we-GZZRKK!
Me: Hm. (He's kind of cute when he's unconscious.)
#dating
Guy: Whoa! You're cute!
Me: Oh yeah? (Oh no.)
Guy YAH... what's your name, baby?
Me: Edith (Ugh. Am I going to have to taze this guy?)
Guy: So, what iz upp?
Me: Not much. (Sigh. Yes, I am.)
Guy: So how about we-GZZRKK!
Me: Hm. (He's kind of cute when he's unconscious.)
#dating
I have a question: how many times did your forefathers go through Ellis Island to get the extra 'r'?
"You?? Again!?"
"Watevair do you means?"
We told you, it's a myth: we don't change names!"
"Pleaze, sirs. Think of my family..."
#immigration
"You?? Again!?"
"Watevair do you means?"
We told you, it's a myth: we don't change names!"
"Pleaze, sirs. Think of my family..."
#immigration
January 7, 2026 at 2:45 AM
I have a question: how many times did your forefathers go through Ellis Island to get the extra 'r'?
"You?? Again!?"
"Watevair do you means?"
We told you, it's a myth: we don't change names!"
"Pleaze, sirs. Think of my family..."
#immigration
"You?? Again!?"
"Watevair do you means?"
We told you, it's a myth: we don't change names!"
"Pleaze, sirs. Think of my family..."
#immigration
Is it a law that new apartments can't have more than one drawer? Is there a tariff on storage or something?
January 6, 2026 at 1:02 PM
Is it a law that new apartments can't have more than one drawer? Is there a tariff on storage or something?
On my murder spree I'm going to be sure to use an interesting murder weapon like a pie server or a harpoon.
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
January 6, 2026 at 3:27 AM
On my murder spree I'm going to be sure to use an interesting murder weapon like a pie server or a harpoon.
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
Grizzled Cop: "Yeah, Doc but what kind of blade makes wounds like this?"
Grizzled Medical Examiner: "I don't know, Schmidt. But I feel like I've seen cuts like this before..."
#truecrime
Reposted by Moorepheme
Am I having a panic attack or do I just live in America
January 4, 2026 at 12:55 PM
Am I having a panic attack or do I just live in America
Why isn't the opposite of fiction, faction?
January 5, 2026 at 12:54 PM
Why isn't the opposite of fiction, faction?
Have you ever noticed how strange all the holiday traditions feel in the days after Christmas? I bet this is how people feel after orgies, too.
#happyholidays
#happyholidays
December 31, 2025 at 1:41 PM
Have you ever noticed how strange all the holiday traditions feel in the days after Christmas? I bet this is how people feel after orgies, too.
#happyholidays
#happyholidays
December 31, 2025 at 1:18 PM
This is by far the best year-in-review television show. 😂
My favorite screengrab (00:54):
My favorite screengrab (00:54):
December 30, 2025 at 2:16 AM
This is by far the best year-in-review television show. 😂
My favorite screengrab (00:54):
My favorite screengrab (00:54):
Why do the days after Christmas feel like the morning after a one-night stand?
"Ughhh what was I thinking? Those clothes and the music and those weird people? All for one night? Plus, I don't even want to think about the things I put in my mouth. Hopefully there's no pictures."
#afterchristmas
"Ughhh what was I thinking? Those clothes and the music and those weird people? All for one night? Plus, I don't even want to think about the things I put in my mouth. Hopefully there's no pictures."
#afterchristmas
December 27, 2025 at 1:50 PM
Why do the days after Christmas feel like the morning after a one-night stand?
"Ughhh what was I thinking? Those clothes and the music and those weird people? All for one night? Plus, I don't even want to think about the things I put in my mouth. Hopefully there's no pictures."
#afterchristmas
"Ughhh what was I thinking? Those clothes and the music and those weird people? All for one night? Plus, I don't even want to think about the things I put in my mouth. Hopefully there's no pictures."
#afterchristmas
What a nice holiday and I'm so glad we finally had a chance to recognize the christian faith in this country. Felt overdue.
December 26, 2025 at 11:13 PM
What a nice holiday and I'm so glad we finally had a chance to recognize the christian faith in this country. Felt overdue.
Visiting your relative's house for the holidays:
"And here's your room, Hon!"
"Thanks. ...isn't it a little cold?"
"Oh, don't worry. This part of the house just takes a while to warm up on account of existing in a separate spacetime, so it may take a few months for the heat to kick-in."
#relatives
"And here's your room, Hon!"
"Thanks. ...isn't it a little cold?"
"Oh, don't worry. This part of the house just takes a while to warm up on account of existing in a separate spacetime, so it may take a few months for the heat to kick-in."
#relatives
December 24, 2025 at 1:25 PM
Visiting your relative's house for the holidays:
"And here's your room, Hon!"
"Thanks. ...isn't it a little cold?"
"Oh, don't worry. This part of the house just takes a while to warm up on account of existing in a separate spacetime, so it may take a few months for the heat to kick-in."
#relatives
"And here's your room, Hon!"
"Thanks. ...isn't it a little cold?"
"Oh, don't worry. This part of the house just takes a while to warm up on account of existing in a separate spacetime, so it may take a few months for the heat to kick-in."
#relatives
Around this time of year, I find myself reminiscing back to when tech companies convinced everyone tablets were the future.
Nicest coaster I've ever owned.
#giftideas #tech
Nicest coaster I've ever owned.
#giftideas #tech
December 23, 2025 at 1:00 PM
Around this time of year, I find myself reminiscing back to when tech companies convinced everyone tablets were the future.
Nicest coaster I've ever owned.
#giftideas #tech
Nicest coaster I've ever owned.
#giftideas #tech
December 22, 2025 at 12:43 PM
December 20, 2025 at 2:04 AM
WHAT THE HELL, HASBRO!?
December 18, 2025 at 1:11 PM
WHAT THE HELL, HASBRO!?
Packagers: "Now that we don't have milkmen, let's design containers to make it easy to carry milk home from the store and keep it in the fridge."
Humans: "And make it easy to pour, right?"
Packagers: "What?"
Humans: "And make it easy to pour, right?"
Packagers: "What?"
December 16, 2025 at 12:57 PM
Packagers: "Now that we don't have milkmen, let's design containers to make it easy to carry milk home from the store and keep it in the fridge."
Humans: "And make it easy to pour, right?"
Packagers: "What?"
Humans: "And make it easy to pour, right?"
Packagers: "What?"
December 15, 2025 at 2:30 AM
I got carded twice last night -- once while I was in the bar after I couldn't get up on their 🤬 high barstools. I hate being short! I'M MOVING TO MADAGASCAR! 😠
December 13, 2025 at 2:06 PM
I got carded twice last night -- once while I was in the bar after I couldn't get up on their 🤬 high barstools. I hate being short! I'M MOVING TO MADAGASCAR! 😠
5 Warning Signs of Fake Scallops:
1. Visible Spalding Logo.
2. Tastes like Scotchguard.
3. Too many bones.
4. The custodian is berating the manager in another language while holding a sponge mop with holes in it.
5. Waiter borrows one to erase specials from chalkboard.
www.mashed.com/2042248/sign...
1. Visible Spalding Logo.
2. Tastes like Scotchguard.
3. Too many bones.
4. The custodian is berating the manager in another language while holding a sponge mop with holes in it.
5. Waiter borrows one to erase specials from chalkboard.
www.mashed.com/2042248/sign...
Are Your Scallops Fake? Here Are 5 Warning Signs To Watch For - Mashed
Scallops are often not what they seem. Avoid substitutes and counterfeits made of surimi by noting the shape, texture, color, taste, and price point.
www.mashed.com
December 13, 2025 at 3:25 AM
5 Warning Signs of Fake Scallops:
1. Visible Spalding Logo.
2. Tastes like Scotchguard.
3. Too many bones.
4. The custodian is berating the manager in another language while holding a sponge mop with holes in it.
5. Waiter borrows one to erase specials from chalkboard.
www.mashed.com/2042248/sign...
1. Visible Spalding Logo.
2. Tastes like Scotchguard.
3. Too many bones.
4. The custodian is berating the manager in another language while holding a sponge mop with holes in it.
5. Waiter borrows one to erase specials from chalkboard.
www.mashed.com/2042248/sign...