Alan
@oraclecrank.bsky.social
chattanooga, tn | 🍞🏴🏳️🌈 | he/him
it's the one time of year straight people are allowed to say the f slur 🎄
December 23, 2025 at 8:04 PM
it's the one time of year straight people are allowed to say the f slur 🎄
my new year's resolutions are always too ambitious, this time my only one is to learn how to fold an origami unicorn like in blade runner
December 17, 2025 at 3:16 PM
my new year's resolutions are always too ambitious, this time my only one is to learn how to fold an origami unicorn like in blade runner
[muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
December 15, 2025 at 1:37 PM
[muffled sounds of gorilla violence]
posting my horrible AI art on pinterest as a video so nobody can right click it
December 14, 2025 at 4:33 PM
posting my horrible AI art on pinterest as a video so nobody can right click it
one day this hydrocortisone will start working and it'll be all over for you itches
December 14, 2025 at 4:32 PM
one day this hydrocortisone will start working and it'll be all over for you itches
have you guys ever noticed that rich people are soulless husks with no human value whatsoever
December 13, 2025 at 1:38 PM
have you guys ever noticed that rich people are soulless husks with no human value whatsoever
I was so hungover watching a matinee of Punisher: Warzone that I urped on myself, left the theater, went to Sears, bought and changed into a new outfit, came back to the movie, and fell asleep
Raising the always fun question: What are your most memorable theater-going experiences?
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
Mine also include The Matrix, Blair Witch, and being way too stoned in Belgium when Fellowship of the Ring was sold out so we sat in the back row for Mulholland Drive instead.
It was hands-down one of the most memorable theater-going experiences I can remember, a collective 30-minute butt-clench/armrest-grab for the final climb. And we knew he lived! Wild.
December 12, 2025 at 11:37 PM
I was so hungover watching a matinee of Punisher: Warzone that I urped on myself, left the theater, went to Sears, bought and changed into a new outfit, came back to the movie, and fell asleep
I want one of those jobs where you just stomp around in a room full of monitors yelling I NEED EYES ON THE TARGET PEOPLE,
December 12, 2025 at 6:09 PM
I want one of those jobs where you just stomp around in a room full of monitors yelling I NEED EYES ON THE TARGET PEOPLE,
Reposted by Alan
I'm sorry you seemingly don't have anyone you can trust to intervene and persuade you not to do things like this.
December 7, 2025 at 11:57 PM
I'm sorry you seemingly don't have anyone you can trust to intervene and persuade you not to do things like this.
partner is teaching a class this morning and the dog is pining
December 6, 2025 at 3:44 PM
partner is teaching a class this morning and the dog is pining
Reposted by Alan
That's so something the kwisatz haderach would say
December 3, 2025 at 9:35 PM
That's so something the kwisatz haderach would say
the one I would NOT like to attend is any of the parties in Eyes Wide Shut !!
What's a fictional holiday party you would love to attend?
My answers:
--the Christmas party from Fanny and Alexander
--the Yule feast in Nicola Griffith's Hild
--the Baileys' "welcome home" party for Harry in It's a Wonderful Life
--the office party in Die Hard; I'm sure nothing will go wrong
My answers:
--the Christmas party from Fanny and Alexander
--the Yule feast in Nicola Griffith's Hild
--the Baileys' "welcome home" party for Harry in It's a Wonderful Life
--the office party in Die Hard; I'm sure nothing will go wrong
December 6, 2025 at 10:31 AM
the one I would NOT like to attend is any of the parties in Eyes Wide Shut !!
'western civilization is collapsing because of unproductive useless eaters'
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
December 3, 2025 at 12:21 PM
'western civilization is collapsing because of unproductive useless eaters'
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
--guy whose job is to sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them to other guys who sell pieces of paper with made up numbers on them
it's crazy how dick cheney's corpse just burst open at his funeral and exploded rotting goo on everyone like william the conqueror's
November 20, 2025 at 7:34 PM
it's crazy how dick cheney's corpse just burst open at his funeral and exploded rotting goo on everyone like william the conqueror's
the epstein Hoax is now DEVASTATING darlings of the Far Left like Larry summers
November 19, 2025 at 3:34 PM
the epstein Hoax is now DEVASTATING darlings of the Far Left like Larry summers
this is what happens when you only sacrifice 999 psykers
November 4, 2025 at 4:22 PM
this is what happens when you only sacrifice 999 psykers
heaven has a new #Resistance angel 🙏
November 4, 2025 at 1:33 PM
heaven has a new #Resistance angel 🙏
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn't from "Star Wars," "Star Trek," "Dr. Who," or "Transformers.
November 3, 2025 at 7:20 PM
If you see this, quote with a robot that isn't from "Star Wars," "Star Trek," "Dr. Who," or "Transformers.
brutal lmao
This Washington Post article about MAGA people trying and failing to date in Washington is...really something
www.removepaywall.com/search?url=h...
www.removepaywall.com/search?url=h...
November 3, 2025 at 7:10 PM
brutal lmao
Reposted by Alan
How do I carry this weight around? Mostly on my Royal Cart, which is of Ixian manufacture.
October 27, 2025 at 3:42 AM
How do I carry this weight around? Mostly on my Royal Cart, which is of Ixian manufacture.
Reposted by Alan
The Giedi Prime investment has been written off.
October 26, 2025 at 9:55 PM
The Giedi Prime investment has been written off.
it's too late bro I've already depicted myself as the $99 fancy corn snake and you as the lowly $89 assorted corn snake
October 26, 2025 at 9:20 PM
it's too late bro I've already depicted myself as the $99 fancy corn snake and you as the lowly $89 assorted corn snake
boyfriend said I look really gay today??
October 25, 2025 at 6:20 PM
boyfriend said I look really gay today??
once again thinking about soviet bread
October 23, 2025 at 11:18 PM
once again thinking about soviet bread
gimme the treats boys
October 23, 2025 at 10:53 AM
gimme the treats boys