Unnecessarily Sexy Statues
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overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Unnecessarily Sexy Statues
@overlysexystatues.bsky.social
36 followers 25 following 170 posts
Bringing you oversexed sculpture since art began. Slightly spicy. All about the alt-text. Pronouns are whatever you want them to be.
(Fine art images mostly semi-nude; however, this feed is sometimes NSFW, and will come with a warning.)
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overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Unnecessarily Sexy Statues @overlysexystatues.bsky.social · Sep 27
Tell your mom I said hey.
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I might occasionally also post Unnecessarily Awkward Statues. That just seems fair. Call it comic relief.
October 17, 2025 at 5:58 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Folks, I try to stick to statuary and avoid politics or current events on this feed, but sometimes I lose track of which account I'm logged into. Bygones!
October 16, 2025 at 2:22 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
So did someone report this for the extra (sexually suggestive) label, or was it my alt-text?
overlysexystatues.bsky.social Unnecessarily Sexy Statues @overlysexystatues.bsky.social · Oct 13
"Please pass the, ummm...."

(NSFW)
The Saliera; gold, vitreous enamel, ebony and ivory; 1543; Benvenuto Cellini. Created for King Francis I of France, who – quelle surprise – was a playboy who kept multiple mistresses openly at court. Hammered rather than cast from a mold, Cellini's Salt Cellar features a man and woman (Neptune and Tellus) seated opposite each other on an oval base. The open hull of an oval ship sits to Neptune's right and was for holding salt. A temple to Tellus's right has a tiny naked woman reclining on its roof and held pepper. Neptune sits with his legs boldly spread apart. He holds a trident in his extended right hand and a cluster of grapes against his hip with his left. Opposite him, Tellus pinches the nipple of her breast between the thumb and fingers of her left hand; her right hand holds a horn of plenty and rests on the ground between her hip and the temple that held the pepper. She is daring Neptune to make his move, and caresses one of his calves with her bare foot. Seashells, fish, and seahorses (literally horses with fins instead of hooves) fill out the scene. 10/10, IT IS FRIGGING HOT IN HERE WHO TURNED THE HEAT ON The Saliera from Neptune's side. His face and body language say he's about 3 minutes away from the angriest sex he's ever had. The Saliera from a slightly raised angle, toward Tellus. The expression on her face is enigmatic but slightly teasing. She knows Neptune is seething; she's counting on it. The Saliera from Tellus's side, the Temple of Pepper in the foreground. The base of the cellar can also be seen more clearly. It is festooned with cherub-like figures representing certain times of the day and the cardinal directions of the primary winds.
October 14, 2025 at 8:21 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
It makes a movie appearance in Wes Anderson's The Phoenician Scheme! You might be able to get a limited edition replica from Old World Wonders, if you have $6k burning a hole in your pocket.

oldworldwonders.com/blogs/news/r...
October 14, 2025 at 6:47 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
@jmshghtwr.bsky.social good news! A replica WAS made, by Morpier Argenteria in the 1970’s, out of gilt silver, enamel, resin and wood! It last sold for just under 6$k; way below the $60M valuation of the original!

oldworldwonders.com/products/rar...
October 14, 2025 at 6:41 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
"Please pass the, ummm...."

(NSFW)
The Saliera; gold, vitreous enamel, ebony and ivory; 1543; Benvenuto Cellini. Created for King Francis I of France, who – quelle surprise – was a playboy who kept multiple mistresses openly at court. Hammered rather than cast from a mold, Cellini's Salt Cellar features a man and woman (Neptune and Tellus) seated opposite each other on an oval base. The open hull of an oval ship sits to Neptune's right and was for holding salt. A temple to Tellus's right has a tiny naked woman reclining on its roof and held pepper. Neptune sits with his legs boldly spread apart. He holds a trident in his extended right hand and a cluster of grapes against his hip with his left. Opposite him, Tellus pinches the nipple of her breast between the thumb and fingers of her left hand; her right hand holds a horn of plenty and rests on the ground between her hip and the temple that held the pepper. She is daring Neptune to make his move, and caresses one of his calves with her bare foot. Seashells, fish, and seahorses (literally horses with fins instead of hooves) fill out the scene. 10/10, IT IS FRIGGING HOT IN HERE WHO TURNED THE HEAT ON The Saliera from Neptune's side. His face and body language say he's about 3 minutes away from the angriest sex he's ever had. The Saliera from a slightly raised angle, toward Tellus. The expression on her face is enigmatic but slightly teasing. She knows Neptune is seething; she's counting on it. The Saliera from Tellus's side, the Temple of Pepper in the foreground. The base of the cellar can also be seen more clearly. It is festooned with cherub-like figures representing certain times of the day and the cardinal directions of the primary winds.
October 13, 2025 at 8:11 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I tried to censor the next statue, but I can't find a way to do it. It's just straight up unnecessarily sexy in like, the most unnecessary way for something that sat on the table during dinner, unless what you were eating was entirely compromised of aphrodisiacs, and orgy was on the menu...
October 13, 2025 at 7:20 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Tell your mom this account uses alt-text. To view the text, tap the tiny square that says ALT in a corner of the image. Then tap the image to open the alt-text and display the first few lines, and tap the text to open it the rest of the way to read all of it. You might need to scroll.
October 11, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Reposted by Unnecessarily Sexy Statues
jmshghtwr.bsky.social
@overlysexystatues.bsky.social
October 9, 2025 at 11:58 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I mean, it's not "Unnecessarily Awkward Statues" for a reason. This is awful. Alt-text is probably NSFW if you are using a reader and no headphones.
The fountain at The Americana at Grand outdoor mall in Glendale, California. It is a large gold-tone fountain at one end of the mall's water feature. It depicts a man "leaping" into the air, ostensibly from the water below, in the most awkward, contorted way ever. He is naked except for a short piece of sculpted cloth that mysteriously springs from his waist on one side to fall over (and hide) his gilded junk. His arms are spread wide, one arm curved straight up over his head, the other held back and to the side, bent slightly at the elbow. Both hands are cupped, and he looks upward, at the hand held over his head. His legs and feet are pressed tightly together, toes pointed, was if he has just sprung from the high dive. Though fit and toned, his body and face are not well sculpted. Behind him is also what is apparently a representation of a small gold wave that looks a lot more like a vibrator than it does a wave. I can't believe not a single person pointed that out during this monstrosity's design or creation. The whole thing is far more awkward than graceful. Esther Williams would NEVER. 0/10, not on your life. The fountain at The Americana at Grand outdoor mall in Glendale, California, seen from behind. The tiny wave looks slightly better from this angle and slightly less like a vibrator. SLIGHTLY. Frankly, the only "sexy" part of this thing is that disturbingly phallic freaking wave. Please note, I use the term "sexy" EXCEEDINGLY loosely. But seriously, WHY. Another view of the fountain. Description in the first image alt-text. Closer view of the fountain. Description in the first image alt-text.
October 9, 2025 at 6:57 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
"Somewhere in between, you’ll find anodyne Italian and New American restaurants that serve chardonnay in very large glasses. None of it feels particularly like LA..."

It is exactly like LA, in my opinion. Perfectly encapsulated.
cmonstah.bsky.social Carolina A. Miranda @cmonstah.bsky.social · Oct 9
"It’s a stunning vision of our inequitable, climate-challenged future: Wander around the area today and you’ll find a neighborhood reduced to ashes as Lululemon still stands."

I spent the summer hanging out at Rick Caruso's malls as he allegedly mulls a gubernatorial run:
nyra.nyc/articles/mal...
A color photograph shows a fountain with bronze female figure atop a pedastal before anodyne chain stores like Blue Mercury and Planet Beauty.
October 9, 2025 at 6:21 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I just--💦
Fontana del Tritone (Triton Fountain), travertine, 1642-43, Gian Lorenzo Bernini A direct frontal view of the fountain. "At its centre rises a larger than lifesize muscular Triton, a minor sea god of ancient Greco-Roman legend, depicted as a merman kneeling on a large shell, from which the Triton rises. His head is thrown back and his arms raise a conch to his lips; from it a jet of water spurts, formerly rising dramatically higher than it does today. The fountain has a base of four dolphins[b] that entwine the papal tiara with crossed keys and the heraldic Barberini bees in their scaly tails." It is rather titillating, the triton/merman rippling with muscles, a stream of water ejaculating from the conch he holds to his lips, and he having a split tail, the two sections of his tail spread wide, and the two games of the scalloped shell joining just in front of his crotch. The scalloped shell on which he kneels is balanced on the tails of the four dolphins representing the binding of sea creatures (which the triton certainly is) and mythological power. 10/10 would get jiggy with it. Fontana del Tritone (Triton Fountain), travertine, 1642-43, Gian Lorenzo Bernini The fountain from it's right, showing the powerful tail curled beneath the triton, muscles upon muscles standing out in his torso. Bro has never skipped a gym day in his life. There is clearly a lot of protein in the sea. Damn. The fountain from its left, full view, water from the conch soaking down to hide his privates. (Doing kid a kidder; you and I both know what you're here for.) 😉 The fountain from the rear, the triton in display from the waist toward. He has a muscular back and longer hair, his head tipped back to blow the conch. Would definitely like to see more of him.
October 8, 2025 at 10:44 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Vultures are metal.
October 5, 2025 at 9:40 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Sorry, not sorry. 😉
A bust of Fitzwilliam Darcy for the 2005 film adaptation of Pride and Prejudice, modeled on actor Matthew Macfadyen. This is a joke. 🙂
October 5, 2025 at 1:05 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Damn it. I forgot one. Probably not any of the ones you think. The pornographic salt cellar I had planned for tomorrow will have to wait a day.
overlysexystatues.bsky.social Unnecessarily Sexy Statues @overlysexystatues.bsky.social · Oct 3
Thus endeth the Bernini sequence.
October 5, 2025 at 12:15 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
This is a lot. Just--it's a lot.

You've got Neptune, you've got satyrs, tritons, putti, fauns, dolphins, horses, & mortals. Neptune's features were modeled after Cosimo I de' Medici, who commissioned it, the original sculptor died before he could start it, and the next guy kept at it for decades.
The Fountain of Neptune, white marble & mischio, 1560-74, Bartolomeo Ammannati from a design by Baccio Bandinelli (who died before work could begin). Ammannati continued adding to the fountain for another decade after the marble was installed, and I assume the bronze elements were added spring that time. The bronze satyrs were cast by Vincenzo de' Rossi. Several other artists also contributed to the massive work. Neptune stands at the center, in a scalloped shell-shaped chariot drawn by 4 horses, the outer 2 of which are carved from mischio, a colored marble. He is wearing a bronze crown and holding a lash in his right hand, making him more human king than god, a direct tribute to Cosimo I de' Medici, who commissioned the work. Around Neptune's legs are 3 putti. A bronze satyr sits at the corner of the fountain, a young man and dolphin nearby. (The horses are barely visible in the background, as they are on the other side of the fountain.) Neptune stands atop the center of the fountain, looking to his left. He is in static pose and wears a crown. He is holding a lash in his right hand. All of these elements were meant to portray him as more akin to a human ruler than Roman god. I will explain more about the carving of him in the next post, because it's kind of interesting. The front view of the Fountain of Neptune. Neptune stands at the center, in a scalloped shell-shaped chariot drawn by 4 horses, the outer 2 of which are carved from mischio, a colored marble. He looks too his left and is wearing a bronze crown and holding a lash in his right hand, making him more human king than god, a direct tribute to Cosimo I de' Medici, who commissioned the work. Around Neptune's legs are 3 putti. Bronze satyrs, fauns, humans and mermen (tritons) are scattered about the edges of the fountain.
October 5, 2025 at 9:05 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
www.history.com/articles/anc...
Why Did Ancient Greeks Wear Togas?
Ancient Greeks and Romans deliberately avoided wearing pants.
www.history.com
October 4, 2025 at 11:09 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Folks, I will always use a sticker of some sort to cover genitalia in this account and provide alt-text descriptions containing background for any sculpture I post – title, date, material & artist at bare minimum.
October 4, 2025 at 4:56 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I mean,if you can't die in ecstacy what even is your life, right, Gian Lorenzo?
Blessed Ludovica Albertoni, white- and red- marbles, completed in 1674, Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Sculpted 19 years after the Ecstacy of Saint Teresa, the reclining figure of Ludovica Albertoni is presented in a dramatic, sensual moment of mystical communion with God. The folds of her habit reflect her state of turmoil, and her head is thrown back onto an embroidered pillow supported by a headrest. Her body is somewhat arched, and she has one hand on her breast, the other pressed to her abdomen. Beneath her is a deeply crumpled sculpted cloth above a red-marble sarcophagus, where Ludovica is interred. The panel behind her is carved with pomegranates, two of which are bursting open. The oversize sculpture sits atop the saint's sarcophagus in the Altieri chapel of the Church of San Francesco a Ripa, in Rome. 8/10, not a bad way to go. A close up of Ludovica's head and shoulders as she dies as she "communes" with God, one hand on her breast. Her head is thrown back, exposing the curve of her neck. Her eyes are slightly open and her lips are parted.
October 3, 2025 at 6:15 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Who's ready for another Bernini?
October 3, 2025 at 4:59 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Next up in our Bernini sequence, the Ecstacy of Saint Teresa, which is really just a little too spicy for a church, but that's where it lives, which poses the eternal question, "REALLY CATHOLICS, WTF???"
The Ecstacy of Saint Teresa, white marble, 1647-52, Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Commissioned by Cardinal Federico Cornaro, and once described as “the most astounding peep show in art,” this sculpture is actually the center part of a grouped work. It sits in an elevated aedicule above the altar of Cornaro Chapel of the church of Santa Maria della Vittoria in Rome. Bernini also designed the setting, which prominently features gilded stucco forming the golden rays of God's love, intensified in the daytime by natural light entering through a skylight above the artwork. Bernini stated that he based his sculpture on the saint's own words, depicting her at the climax of her holy communion with God: "The pain was so great, that it made me moan; and yet so surpassing was the sweetness of this excessive pain, that I could not wish to be rid of it. The soul is satisfied now with nothing less than God...It is a caressing of love so sweet which now takes place between the soul and God, that I pray God of His goodness to make him experience it who may think that I am lying." She is posed semi-recumbent on a cloud, her head tossed back, eyes closed, and lips parted in what looks to most observers like an orgasm. She is completely covered in her robes, only her face, left foot, and left hand and forearm uncovered. An angel stands over her, its head tilted, smiling, an arrow or spear held in its right hand, either having plunged it into the saint, or just about to. This sculpture caused quite a stir when it was installed in the chapel. It is framed on either side by its accompanying pieces, two galleries of men (the Cornaro men and their whales) watching the saint's climax. 9/10 – voyeurs and virgins, take note. A close up of the saint's face in her ecstacy. Her head is thrown back, eyes half-closed and lips parted as one assumes she cries out at the moment of "perfect communion." The entire grouping and setting in the Cornaro Chapel. The ecstatic saint and angel are in the center, above the altar. They are framed on each side by galleries of men seated in what appear to be theatre boxes. These galleries are "life-size high-relief donor portraits of male members of the Cornaro family, such as Cardinal Federico Cornaro and Doge Giovanni I Cornaro, [who are] present and shown discussing the event in boxes as if at the theatre." Art historian Simon Schama once called the piece, "the most astounding peep show in art."
October 2, 2025 at 6:38 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
BRB. Gotta go slay a giant in the nude. Like you do.
David, marble, 1623-24, Gian Lorenzo Bernini. Commissioned by Cardinal Scipione Borghese for his villa. Today, it remains part of the Galleria Borghese. The work depicts the biblical shepherd David, ready to launch the stone that will bring down the Philistine "giant" Goliath. David stands with his feet wide apart, about to sling his stone at Goliath, an expression of determination creasing his brow, biting his lower lip as he concentrates. He is an extremely fit young man, every muscle very much in evidence. He wears the most useless of togas, knotted at his shoulder and billowing around his back until it is little more than a twist of cloth wrapping over one upper thigh and across his manhood, leaving a small part of his pubic hair exposed. A fur pouch hangs at his left-side waist. Behind him is the armor given him by King Saul for the battle. David's harp lies on the ground between his feet. He's young, he's hot, he's an excellent shot. 10/10, would tap. A mid-length view of Bernini's David from the statue's right side. David is twisted to his right, shoulders square with the camera. His hair is a riotous mass of curls. His brow is furled, and he has caught his bottom lip between his teeth. Bernini really captured the concentration and determination. He didn't do a bad job on the body, either. Hubba. A close-up of David's face.
October 1, 2025 at 2:05 PM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
Bernini sequence incoming.
October 1, 2025 at 11:41 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
If you are into Pouty Spartacus, I hate to do this to you, but I figured out who he reminds me of, and if I have to suffer with it, so do you.
A side -by-side of Pouty Spartacus and Sir Peter Ustinov at 30 years old, playing Nero in the 1951 film Quo Vadis, for which he won the Golden Globe for Best Supporting Actor. Both men have similar facial features: the same nose and pouty lips lacking much of a cupid's bow. Both have curly hair and fill faces, and were of about the same build back in 1951.
October 1, 2025 at 11:17 AM
overlysexystatues.bsky.social
I give you...Spartacus. And the immortal observation of @karidru.bsky.social:

"Somebody needs a hug.

"Either that or somebody needs a towel and for you to knock next time."

😂🏆
Spartacus, Carrera marble, 1828-1831, Denis Foyatier. Originally installed in le Jardin des Tuileries in 1832, it moved to the Louvre in 1877. In this moodily lit frontal view, the famous gladiator is standing with his arms folded over his chest and holding a broken bit of shackle in his left hand. His right hand is still manacled but missing any chain, and he holds a dirk just tucked behind his left arm. (At some point in time, the blade of the knife was broken, so only about 5" of it remain.) The thick waves of his hair are swept swept back from his face and cut short, curling at the nape of his neck. He wears a brooding, saturnine expression of anger or disgust, his thick lips turned down in a sneer. Behind him is a short post with a robe and chains hanging from it. His body is generally well-toned, the muscles defined, and discolorations in the marble look like scars. He stands defiant. And really, really naked. Also pissed. Did I mention pissed? Homeboy is really unhappy. 8/10, needs to smile more. Spartacus, Carrera marble, 1828-1831, Denis Foyatier. Originally installed in le Jardin des Tuileries in 1832, it moved to the Louvre in 1877. In this moodily lit rear view, the muscles of the gladiator's back stand out, and his anger and defiance are greatly evident in his posture. He also had a pretty nice ass. Behind him is a short post with a robe and chains hanging from it. His body is generally well-toned, the muscles defined, and discolorations in the marble look like scars. 8/10, might tap. Spartacus, Carrera marble, 1828-1831, Denis Foyatier. Originally installed in le Jardin des Tuileries in 1832, it moved to the Louvre in 1877. In this moodily lit view from his waist up, we can really see the muscles and veins, as well as the marks of battle left on the gladiator's body. The striations in the marble add to the effect of wounds not yet healed. 8/10, unless moody Italian men are your thing, in which case, 9.5, get in there and get you some. Homeboy's kinda hot, if that's your thing.
October 1, 2025 at 1:57 AM