SkyBlueSky
@skybluesky22.bsky.social
“With a sky bluesky, this rotten time, wouldn’t seem so bad to me now. Oh, I didn’t die. I should be satisfied. I survived. That’s good enough for now.” Also, disc golf.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Charli XCX Does Line Of Coke With 11-Year-Old Make-A-Wish Fan https://theonion.com/charli-xcx-does-line-of-coke-with-11-year-old-make-a-wish-fan/
December 23, 2025 at 5:00 PM
Charli XCX Does Line Of Coke With 11-Year-Old Make-A-Wish Fan https://theonion.com/charli-xcx-does-line-of-coke-with-11-year-old-make-a-wish-fan/
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
BALTHAZAR: We come bearing gifts for the newborn king, O Holy Ones.
MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.
MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.
Three Kings White Elephant Gift Exchange
A great star shines over a stable in Bethlehem. The Three Kings arrive and kneel before the Holy Family. BALTHAZAR: We come bearing gifts for the n...
buff.ly
December 23, 2025 at 2:20 AM
BALTHAZAR: We come bearing gifts for the newborn king, O Holy Ones.
MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.
MARY: Just put them on the table. We’re doing a white elephant thing this year.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"We recently identified a breach of our North Pole Magic Systems (NPMS) that may have compromised your personal data—namely, the thousands of hours of footage we have of when you are sleeping, as well as when you are awake."
The North Pole Has Suffered a Data Breach
Dear Valued Child, This letter was slipped into your stocking to inform you that we recently identified a breach of our North Pole Magic Systems (N...
buff.ly
December 22, 2025 at 7:28 PM
"We recently identified a breach of our North Pole Magic Systems (NPMS) that may have compromised your personal data—namely, the thousands of hours of footage we have of when you are sleeping, as well as when you are awake."
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance https://theonion.com/fox-bleeps-out-entire-kendrick-lamar-performance/
December 22, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Fox Bleeps Out Entire Kendrick Lamar Performance https://theonion.com/fox-bleeps-out-entire-kendrick-lamar-performance/
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
sometimes i’ll suggest to my wife that we stay up past eleven and watch one more episode because i want her to know there’s still a little of the bad boy in me
December 22, 2025 at 9:14 PM
sometimes i’ll suggest to my wife that we stay up past eleven and watch one more episode because i want her to know there’s still a little of the bad boy in me
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"It would be easy for me to dismiss my ignorance as a result of my youth. I was only 16 going on 17 when the relationship in question occurred, and up until that point, the men in my life —namely my father and significant others — insisted on infantilizing me."
I Am Liesl von Trapp and I Owe the Resistance an Apology
A few months ago, I was caught on camera during an intimate moment with a male companion in my family’s gazebo. At the time, my primary concern was...
buff.ly
December 22, 2025 at 3:00 AM
"It would be easy for me to dismiss my ignorance as a result of my youth. I was only 16 going on 17 when the relationship in question occurred, and up until that point, the men in my life —namely my father and significant others — insisted on infantilizing me."
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Nick Sirianni To Eagles Fans: ‘I Hate All Of You, Fuck You’ https://theonion.com/nick-sirianni-to-eagles-fans-i-hate-all-of-you-fuck-you/
December 22, 2025 at 9:30 PM
Nick Sirianni To Eagles Fans: ‘I Hate All Of You, Fuck You’ https://theonion.com/nick-sirianni-to-eagles-fans-i-hate-all-of-you-fuck-you/
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
“Know what I got for Hanukkah?”
“What?”
“A new vacuum cleaner.”
“Well, that sounds nice!”
“Eh, it’ll probably just gather dust.”
“Haha! Good one, Morty!”
“Thanks, Irving.”
“You should go tell Saul that one.”
“Good idea! Be right back.”
“What?”
“A new vacuum cleaner.”
“Well, that sounds nice!”
“Eh, it’ll probably just gather dust.”
“Haha! Good one, Morty!”
“Thanks, Irving.”
“You should go tell Saul that one.”
“Good idea! Be right back.”
December 21, 2025 at 6:53 PM
“Know what I got for Hanukkah?”
“What?”
“A new vacuum cleaner.”
“Well, that sounds nice!”
“Eh, it’ll probably just gather dust.”
“Haha! Good one, Morty!”
“Thanks, Irving.”
“You should go tell Saul that one.”
“Good idea! Be right back.”
“What?”
“A new vacuum cleaner.”
“Well, that sounds nice!”
“Eh, it’ll probably just gather dust.”
“Haha! Good one, Morty!”
“Thanks, Irving.”
“You should go tell Saul that one.”
“Good idea! Be right back.”
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Joe Flacco’s Wife Dresses As Giant Football To Spice Things Up In Bedroom
Joe Flacco’s Wife Dresses As Giant Football To Spice Things Up In Bedroom
CINCINNATI—Saying she thought it might be fun if they tried something a little different, Dana Grady, wife of Bengals quarterback Joe Flacco, reportedly dressed in a giant football costume Tuesday nig...
theonion.com
December 21, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Joe Flacco’s Wife Dresses As Giant Football To Spice Things Up In Bedroom
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex
Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex
TORONTO—Accusing the HBO drama of egregiously misrepresenting their experiences off the ice, the National Hockey League Players’ Association blasted Heated Rivalry Friday for what it described as incr...
theonion.com
December 20, 2025 at 11:00 PM
Hockey Players Blast ‘Heated Rivalry’ For Unrealistic Depiction Of Anal Sex
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
ICYMI: We've updated our list of Trump's cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes. He's up to 580 atrocities. #LestWeForget
Lest We Forget the Horrors: An Unending Catalog of Trump’s Cruelties, Collusions, Corruptions, and Crimes: November 2025: Atrocities 530-580
Early in President Trump’s first term, McSweeney’s editors began to catalog the head-spinning number of misdeeds coming from his administration. We...
buff.ly
December 20, 2025 at 4:31 PM
ICYMI: We've updated our list of Trump's cruelties, collusions, corruptions, and crimes. He's up to 580 atrocities. #LestWeForget
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"He took in her handsome visage. Elizabeth’s face was more than adequate, possessing two eyes and a mouth in the places one should find them. Her body was not displeasing, nor was her heaving bosom not unample, filled with a not undue amount of not un-horniness."
The Deleted Sex Scene from Pride and Prejudice
Dancing was the first step to falling in love, and falling in love was the first step to lying down in tandem. Not soon after Elizabeth had persuad...
buff.ly
December 18, 2025 at 3:00 AM
"He took in her handsome visage. Elizabeth’s face was more than adequate, possessing two eyes and a mouth in the places one should find them. Her body was not displeasing, nor was her heaving bosom not unample, filled with a not undue amount of not un-horniness."
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
KEVIN: Two guys in a Cybertruck just drove by. I don’t recognize them, Mom. What if they break in?
MOM: We have a palm recognition door, honey. Calm down. Plus, I know that truck. It’s the Wet Bandits. They deliver my reverse-osmosis water each week.
MOM: We have a palm recognition door, honey. Calm down. Plus, I know that truck. It’s the Wet Bandits. They deliver my reverse-osmosis water each week.
Home Alone, Updated for the Age of Surveillance
Kate McCallister realizes that her son Kevin didn’t make it with them to the airport on their way to Paris for the holidays. She frantically pulls ...
buff.ly
December 18, 2025 at 7:27 PM
KEVIN: Two guys in a Cybertruck just drove by. I don’t recognize them, Mom. What if they break in?
MOM: We have a palm recognition door, honey. Calm down. Plus, I know that truck. It’s the Wet Bandits. They deliver my reverse-osmosis water each week.
MOM: We have a palm recognition door, honey. Calm down. Plus, I know that truck. It’s the Wet Bandits. They deliver my reverse-osmosis water each week.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money
December 18, 2025 at 7:00 PM
Trump Assures Struggling Nation He Has Plenty Of Money
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
“Of course, it doesn’t feel right to want IT to HAPPEN. And it’s obviously not okay to try to make IT HAPPEN. That’s not what this is ABOUT, just to make things CLEAR LEGALLY as far as VARIOUS AGENCIES are concerned.”
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/whe...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/whe...
When It Happens
It’s been so long, you sometimes forget that eventually, IT will HAPPEN.
It’s impossible to say when IT will HAPPEN. But it can’t be too long until...
www.mcsweeneys.net
December 18, 2025 at 3:12 AM
“Of course, it doesn’t feel right to want IT to HAPPEN. And it’s obviously not okay to try to make IT HAPPEN. That’s not what this is ABOUT, just to make things CLEAR LEGALLY as far as VARIOUS AGENCIES are concerned.”
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/whe...
www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/whe...
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
New Research Reveals Ancient Egyptians Received Significant Help From Parents While Building Pyramids https://theonion.com/new-research-reveals-ancient-egyptians-received-significant-help-from-parents-while-building-pyramids/
December 18, 2025 at 4:12 PM
New Research Reveals Ancient Egyptians Received Significant Help From Parents While Building Pyramids https://theonion.com/new-research-reveals-ancient-egyptians-received-significant-help-from-parents-while-building-pyramids/
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
ALBERT
Why does he look like that?
GALAXY
Because he's discovering that he gets sexual gratification from seeing people unexpectedly fall into water.
ALBERT
Ew. I don't like him.
GALAXY
Yes. He's kind of a creep.
Why does he look like that?
GALAXY
Because he's discovering that he gets sexual gratification from seeing people unexpectedly fall into water.
ALBERT
Ew. I don't like him.
GALAXY
Yes. He's kind of a creep.
It’s a Wonderful Life, Guy from It’s a Wonderful Life, Who Convinces Another Guy to Open the Gym Floor So Everyone Falls in the Pool
EXT. — THE VASTNESS OF SPACE A star, representing the angel ALBERT, shoots across the sky. It stops at a distant GALAXY. As the heavenly bodies tal...
buff.ly
December 18, 2025 at 4:20 PM
ALBERT
Why does he look like that?
GALAXY
Because he's discovering that he gets sexual gratification from seeing people unexpectedly fall into water.
ALBERT
Ew. I don't like him.
GALAXY
Yes. He's kind of a creep.
Why does he look like that?
GALAXY
Because he's discovering that he gets sexual gratification from seeing people unexpectedly fall into water.
ALBERT
Ew. I don't like him.
GALAXY
Yes. He's kind of a creep.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Pros And Cons Of War With Venezuela
Pros And Cons Of War With Venezuela
Tensions between the United States and Venezuela are escalating, with President Trump stating that land strikes on drug traffickers could come “very soon.” The Onion examines the pros and cons of ente...
theonion.com
December 17, 2025 at 9:00 PM
Pros And Cons Of War With Venezuela
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
RED FLAG: He went to Harvard Business School and brings it up in conversation a lot.
GREEN FLAG: He went to North Pole University and majored in Gingerbread House Design.
GREEN FLAG: He went to North Pole University and majored in Gingerbread House Design.
Red and Green Flags, According to Protagonists of Hallmark Christmas Movies
RED FLAG: He sometimes has to work late and Q4 is his busy season. GREEN FLAG: His full-time job is directing the local middle school Christmas pag...
buff.ly
December 16, 2025 at 7:27 PM
RED FLAG: He went to Harvard Business School and brings it up in conversation a lot.
GREEN FLAG: He went to North Pole University and majored in Gingerbread House Design.
GREEN FLAG: He went to North Pole University and majored in Gingerbread House Design.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"It’s easy to slip a fifty between the covers of a book without sacrificing the tradition of physical gifts. (You can even put the money near the end of the book if you want to be slightly evil—which, as an aunt, you should be, if you possibly can.)"
This Holiday, Give the Auntly Gift of Books
Young nieces and nephews may not thrill to them—but there is virtually no better way of inviting them into the world of your own childhood imagination.
lnk.thebulwark.com
December 17, 2025 at 6:00 PM
"It’s easy to slip a fifty between the covers of a book without sacrificing the tradition of physical gifts. (You can even put the money near the end of the book if you want to be slightly evil—which, as an aunt, you should be, if you possibly can.)"
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"The dire need for this Infrastructure Week cannot be overstated. Mr. President, despite our corporate policy to sugarcoat most things, we are not going to sugarcoat this statement: The Polar Express endangers the lives of every child who boards it."
We’re the Board of Directors for The Polar Express and We’re Begging the President: Get to Infrastructure Week Already
On behalf of the Board of Directors for Polar Express Railways (PER), we would like to formally implore the current president to put aside any dist...
buff.ly
December 17, 2025 at 6:20 PM
"The dire need for this Infrastructure Week cannot be overstated. Mr. President, despite our corporate policy to sugarcoat most things, we are not going to sugarcoat this statement: The Polar Express endangers the lives of every child who boards it."
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
I stumbled from my bedroom to discover that I shared this tiny, squalid apartment with a person named Thad who claimed to be a part-time barista and a full-time experimental sound artist. Thad offered me a sip from his can of Red Bull and played some of his latest sound art for me.
My Name Is Gregor Samsa, and This Time I Woke Up as a Grad Student at Cal State San Bernardino
You’ve probably heard about the first time this happened to me. You know: guy goes to sleep, wakes up as a giant bug, freaks out his family, worrie...
buff.ly
December 17, 2025 at 2:40 AM
I stumbled from my bedroom to discover that I shared this tiny, squalid apartment with a person named Thad who claimed to be a part-time barista and a full-time experimental sound artist. Thad offered me a sip from his can of Red Bull and played some of his latest sound art for me.
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
Campbell’s Unveils New Line Of Self-Defense Soups https://theonion.com/campbells-unveils-new-line-of-self-defense-soups/
December 17, 2025 at 5:01 PM
Campbell’s Unveils New Line Of Self-Defense Soups https://theonion.com/campbells-unveils-new-line-of-self-defense-soups/
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"I went to bed on my cozy bug’s nest of straw and wood shavings, and I woke up on a third-hand Ikea futon being propped up with a copy of Judith Butler’s 'Gender Trouble.'"
My Name Is Gregor Samsa, and This Time I Woke Up as a Grad Student at Cal State San Bernardino
You’ve probably heard about the first time this happened to me. You know: guy goes to sleep, wakes up as a giant bug, freaks out his family, worrie...
buff.ly
December 15, 2025 at 7:28 PM
"I went to bed on my cozy bug’s nest of straw and wood shavings, and I woke up on a third-hand Ikea futon being propped up with a copy of Judith Butler’s 'Gender Trouble.'"
Reposted by SkyBlueSky
"Check out how dry my skin looks. It's because my body is telling me that I'm suffering and need to put on more layers. But as a thirteen-year-old boy in the suburbs, FASHION is more important to me than BASIC BODILY NEEDS."
I’m a Middle School Boy, and I Refuse to Wear Anything but Basketball Shorts in the Winter
Suck it, pants. I don’t care that it’s snowing; I refuse to wear anything but basketball shorts. I’m growing these ALMOST MAN LEGS and am workshopp...
buff.ly
December 15, 2025 at 6:27 PM
"Check out how dry my skin looks. It's because my body is telling me that I'm suffering and need to put on more layers. But as a thirteen-year-old boy in the suburbs, FASHION is more important to me than BASIC BODILY NEEDS."