When I said I would do anything for my family and my country I only meant stuff I already like doing, like shooting guns for instance. If I have to do something annoying like conserve resources then obviously I'm not willing to do that

Fear not: for, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all people.

9yo: "wait dad, you're older than memes!?"

Walking out of the blue medical tent and going into an even larger and bluer medical tent.

Another day in hell

The defibrillator I got on Temu came with a bite stick

@jessefarrar.bsky.social hope y'all are safe over there

As much as I hate it when my therapist hits the "buzzer" noise on her sound board, it's all worth it when she hits "ding ding ding" while I'm talking shit on my family

the lord has risen indeed

KOKO THE GORILLA: Koko birkin bag. Practical Koko possession bag
RESEARCHER: No, Koko. You can’t have a Birkin bag.
KOKO: Good Birkin good Koko give beautiful Koko deserve gorilla
RESEARCHER: Koko, we simply can’t afford a Birkin bag. It is an unjustifiable expense.
KOKO: jealousy professor

got kicked out for seductively laying nude on a bear skin rug

Fed’s dead baby.

I'm here to kick ass and chew bubble gum, and I still have 3 or 4 packs of bubble gum to get through before I can kick some ass.