Since Twitter wants to be down, I’ll just sit my fat ass over here.

Can't even go to God in prayer without $20 on you.

Not gonna lie this was the first good birthday in a while. I ALMOST let some bs mess it up but since I’m in my villain era now, it’s irrelevant now.

I just love immediate job rejection emails...

Ugh.

Trump: Imposes 25% tariff on Canadian goods

Canadian Government:

marvel rivals got me saying horrible things about spider-man like i’m j jonah jameson

being an adult is going to the laundromat to wash your duvet instead of using your own washer and dryer.

i don’t have time to be drying all damn day.

You would think that if you spend enough money at a store, they would stop following you around like you’re gonna steal something. No problem never coming here again though, I need to cut down on drinking anyway.

I would've enjoyed today more if I could've stopped myself from being nitpicky over the Mac and cheese. Especially when nothing was wrong with it.

for the next four years, operate in the ways karen walker taught:

grab a bottle. hunker down. and pray for daylight.

Little Caesar’s tastes like the cardboard box it comes in 🖤

You and me both, jukebox.

Is everyone staying over here for real this time?? Cause I’m not about to do no back and forth.