Bill Melots
@wanksy.bsky.social
None of these views are that of my employer or myself. These are the views of the goblin that lives in the bathroom at the skatepark. He is so wise and funny. I love him.
Pinned
Bill Melots
@wanksy.bsky.social
· Oct 30
Why do you want me to piss in a cup for work? I already pissed in all the other cups at work.
Just saw a video that started with “can this illegal flashlight shine through a watermelon?” and then I thought about the hundreds of times I’ve needed to do that.
December 10, 2025 at 8:28 AM
Just saw a video that started with “can this illegal flashlight shine through a watermelon?” and then I thought about the hundreds of times I’ve needed to do that.
I like to call this piece Poopin Blue
December 6, 2025 at 6:44 PM
I like to call this piece Poopin Blue
For the love of god
Make the Jakob’s Castle guy the lead singer on all sublime tracks.
Make the Jakob’s Castle guy the lead singer on all sublime tracks.
December 4, 2025 at 6:37 AM
For the love of god
Make the Jakob’s Castle guy the lead singer on all sublime tracks.
Make the Jakob’s Castle guy the lead singer on all sublime tracks.
I like that the plot of Troll 2 is that there’s a bigger Troll than the first one.
December 2, 2025 at 7:33 AM
I like that the plot of Troll 2 is that there’s a bigger Troll than the first one.
If fennel is a digestif and is the primary ingredient in this candy, then eating the whole bag will make me feel good. If you’re a doctor, please weigh in and validate my theory.
November 30, 2025 at 6:56 AM
If fennel is a digestif and is the primary ingredient in this candy, then eating the whole bag will make me feel good. If you’re a doctor, please weigh in and validate my theory.
Happy Fight a Pilgrim Day! (Or eat turkey or whatever YOUR tradition is)
November 27, 2025 at 7:33 PM
Happy Fight a Pilgrim Day! (Or eat turkey or whatever YOUR tradition is)
How today goes for you. open.spotify.com/track/1otnUu...
Be Nice 'Cause
open.spotify.com
November 27, 2025 at 10:00 AM
How today goes for you. open.spotify.com/track/1otnUu...
1990s : I’m up at 1AM because I’m building software that will make me a billionaire. I am powered by expensive illegal drugs.
Today: I am up at 1AM because I ran out of Claude tokens and I don’t want to spend $20. I have had 2 glasses of Chardonnay and need to go to bed.
Today: I am up at 1AM because I ran out of Claude tokens and I don’t want to spend $20. I have had 2 glasses of Chardonnay and need to go to bed.
November 27, 2025 at 9:08 AM
1990s : I’m up at 1AM because I’m building software that will make me a billionaire. I am powered by expensive illegal drugs.
Today: I am up at 1AM because I ran out of Claude tokens and I don’t want to spend $20. I have had 2 glasses of Chardonnay and need to go to bed.
Today: I am up at 1AM because I ran out of Claude tokens and I don’t want to spend $20. I have had 2 glasses of Chardonnay and need to go to bed.
I’m gonna drunk vibe code a sexy lady like those dudes in weird science now. My wife seems very anxious about the bra on my head. We may have to postpone this.
November 27, 2025 at 6:54 AM
I’m gonna drunk vibe code a sexy lady like those dudes in weird science now. My wife seems very anxious about the bra on my head. We may have to postpone this.
Reposted by Bill Melots
Face down, ass up... that's how I look for the last good pen I have that just rolled under my desk and now my back hurts, but it's really the last decent pen in the building
November 24, 2025 at 3:41 PM
Face down, ass up... that's how I look for the last good pen I have that just rolled under my desk and now my back hurts, but it's really the last decent pen in the building
Trying to figure out how to vibe code my job as “everyone’s therapist” away.
November 27, 2025 at 6:45 AM
Trying to figure out how to vibe code my job as “everyone’s therapist” away.
How I’m rolling up to Thanksgiving
November 26, 2025 at 7:07 AM
How I’m rolling up to Thanksgiving
Powdered sugar, baking soda, corn starch, flour, and cocaine should really look different from one another BUT THESE COOKIES ARE FUCKING AMAZING
November 22, 2025 at 2:10 AM
Powdered sugar, baking soda, corn starch, flour, and cocaine should really look different from one another BUT THESE COOKIES ARE FUCKING AMAZING
Reposted by Bill Melots
You are what your booking photo says you are, so smile.
November 20, 2025 at 8:32 AM
You are what your booking photo says you are, so smile.
Age old movie theory - spouse died but is not really dead. Shows up again, post new marriage. Unexplored area - polyamory. The movie is called “befreesome”
November 20, 2025 at 8:24 AM
Age old movie theory - spouse died but is not really dead. Shows up again, post new marriage. Unexplored area - polyamory. The movie is called “befreesome”
My kid broke his arm today. At first I was bunned but after talking to the doctor, I found out he broke it in two places and I was like fuck yeah overachiever.
November 20, 2025 at 7:27 AM
My kid broke his arm today. At first I was bunned but after talking to the doctor, I found out he broke it in two places and I was like fuck yeah overachiever.
Or long until drinking and vibe coding is illegal. Too late I just made an app that steals souls. Oops.
November 20, 2025 at 6:43 AM
Or long until drinking and vibe coding is illegal. Too late I just made an app that steals souls. Oops.
Beef is stupid expensive so my master plan is to meet a cow person and then be like hello please sell me some of your cow. I did however make a very nice flank tonight with homemade chimichurri.
November 20, 2025 at 3:11 AM
Beef is stupid expensive so my master plan is to meet a cow person and then be like hello please sell me some of your cow. I did however make a very nice flank tonight with homemade chimichurri.
It’s raining here motherfuckerers
November 18, 2025 at 9:30 AM
It’s raining here motherfuckerers
I’ve noticed this interesting trend here - when I try to change lanes, the person in the other lane speeds up as if to hit me. Well sir, I wish you the best of luck because my scribes hath filled my bumper with concrete. And, a good day to you and your insurance adjuster sir *bow*
November 18, 2025 at 4:58 AM
I’ve noticed this interesting trend here - when I try to change lanes, the person in the other lane speeds up as if to hit me. Well sir, I wish you the best of luck because my scribes hath filled my bumper with concrete. And, a good day to you and your insurance adjuster sir *bow*
Once the cost of ai video gen goes through the floor, I’m writing a script to take my entire photo gallery and make everyone in it say “I shit my pants” and then another script will stitch together all of them in a single video, and I will win Cannes.
November 17, 2025 at 3:25 AM
Once the cost of ai video gen goes through the floor, I’m writing a script to take my entire photo gallery and make everyone in it say “I shit my pants” and then another script will stitch together all of them in a single video, and I will win Cannes.
Reposted by Bill Melots
babe are you ok you’ve barely touched your electrolyte soup supplement with immune booster
November 16, 2025 at 4:33 PM
babe are you ok you’ve barely touched your electrolyte soup supplement with immune booster
The Hollywood narrative that you can’t go to the hospital if you have a gunshot wound that was acquired whilst doing something illicit is nonsense. I’ve done this a whole bunch and they’re always like “how did you get shot” and I’m like “toddler had a rifle.”
November 15, 2025 at 4:27 AM
The Hollywood narrative that you can’t go to the hospital if you have a gunshot wound that was acquired whilst doing something illicit is nonsense. I’ve done this a whole bunch and they’re always like “how did you get shot” and I’m like “toddler had a rifle.”