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Audrey Porne

@audreyporne.bsky.social

3.6K followers 270 following 99 posts

Your goth cousin's friend. Standup comedian in NZ. Ngāi tahu.

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · Jul 14

[first glass of wine]
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz

[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

Nate Patrin @natepatrin.bsky.social · 20h

things bullets say

Ian @brocktoon.bsky.social · 20h

Almost every time I go thru JFK something weird happens.

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · Jul 14

*listens to Lana Del Rey one time*

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

Ernest Borgten @nonseriousstuff.bsky.social · 2d

It's like meeting the Ant-Man of your dreams, then meeting his beautiful Wasp

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 2d

My cat has gone for a wander, I was calling out for him when I received a text message and for a brief moment I genuinely expected it to be him messaging me

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 2d

met someone who told me that they don't like "female comedians" because all we do is talk about sex. and honestly, it made me SO horny and flexible

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 21d

my friend in another city got a q-tip stuck inside his ear and I'm just supposed to go to work tomorrow like nothing happened? Okay

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 22d

Thanks for letting me know you don't find it funny. If you have time, can you go through each of my posts and let me know if you find them funny or not? I'd appreciate it. X

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

🕸Nye🐇 comms open! @nigelgraz.bsky.social · 23d

Posting art is so embarrassing. Like here's what's in my psyche i guess. Jesus christ

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 24d

The pilot just got on the intercom and said "Death is just a door"

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Octopus/Caveman @octopuscaveman.bsky.social · 24d

Painting my feelings

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Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · 27d

My girlfriend cut my brake lines she’s such a Scorpio

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

friends who grew up in a stable homes are always saying shit like "do you wanna watch a youtube compilation of Phil and Claire's funniest interview moments?"

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

Fuck sake.

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

Thanks!

Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

a Johovah Witness mother is dragging her 12yo daughter around my neighbourhood, door-knocking on a Saturday morning :( she should be at the club.

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Reposted by Audrey Porne

Sara Ghaleb @saraghaleb.bsky.social · 24d

It is fucked up what they did to the headphone jack

erika @yeeeerika.bsky.social · Jan 13

i don't want to hear your most boomer complaint. what's your most millennial complaint?

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

Are you guys on Letterboxd? I'm audponz

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

everyone is bisexual until they prove otherwise (plot hole: it's kind of impossible to prove otherwise)

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

i love halloween wydm youre the seven hotdogs from Weapons that was a tribute from Zach Cregger to Trevor Moore

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

It's cool that some celebrities are finally saying that killing innocent children is bad.

Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

Main character energy? Local woman smiles politely at unfriendly medical receptionists

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 24d

Strong winds in Chch tonight. To the friends who've told me they have trampolines: please secure them.

And to the friends who have trampolines but have told me they don't because they don't want me coming over unannounced to do flips and hang out: I hope your belongings fly away. Liars.

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 27d

Video chat with @nonseriousstuff.bsky.social. Just two normal, approachable, down to earth people.

Reposted by Audrey Porne

Dan Sheehan @dansheehan.bsky.social · 27d

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

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Audrey Porne @audreyporne.bsky.social · 27d

YouTube knows me. She's really that bitch ✨️