Audrey Porne
@audreyporne.bsky.social
Your goth cousin's friend. Standup comedian in NZ. I 🖤 horror movies. Ngāi tahu.
Pinned
Audrey Porne
@audreyporne.bsky.social
· Jul 14
[first glass of wine]
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
mmm nice. let's listen to jazz
[second glass of wine]
*struggling to remove my sweatshirt* we should fuck on the roof
Performing standup next week, first time since June due my ongoing back injury.
Might be kinda hard to perform standup when I can't currently stand up.
Might be kinda hard to perform standup when I can't currently stand up.
December 5, 2025 at 10:28 AM
Performing standup next week, first time since June due my ongoing back injury.
Might be kinda hard to perform standup when I can't currently stand up.
Might be kinda hard to perform standup when I can't currently stand up.
Reposted by Audrey Porne
It takes a big man to admit that he’s wrong. It takes a small man to squeeze through the dog door
December 2, 2025 at 4:15 PM
It takes a big man to admit that he’s wrong. It takes a small man to squeeze through the dog door
I can only say things like "a guillotine couldn't take away the head I'd give him" in front of friend group A.
Friend group B gets "yeah, he's really lovely".
Friend group B gets "yeah, he's really lovely".
December 5, 2025 at 4:45 AM
I can only say things like "a guillotine couldn't take away the head I'd give him" in front of friend group A.
Friend group B gets "yeah, he's really lovely".
Friend group B gets "yeah, he's really lovely".
*messages you at 10.50am* U up? 🫦
December 5, 2025 at 4:43 AM
*messages you at 10.50am* U up? 🫦
Reposted by Audrey Porne
I can really relate to Rebecca and Diane from cheers.
Ted Danson is just constantly trying to fuck me
Ted Danson is just constantly trying to fuck me
December 4, 2025 at 1:32 AM
I can really relate to Rebecca and Diane from cheers.
Ted Danson is just constantly trying to fuck me
Ted Danson is just constantly trying to fuck me
Reposted by Audrey Porne
Easter is too commercialized now adays. I liked it better when it was just about killing a dude and hiding the body in a cave
December 3, 2025 at 6:48 AM
Easter is too commercialized now adays. I liked it better when it was just about killing a dude and hiding the body in a cave
Reposted by Audrey Porne
‘You boy! How do I unsubscribe from all these Black Friday emails?’
December 1, 2025 at 7:42 AM
‘You boy! How do I unsubscribe from all these Black Friday emails?’
You won't commission an Etsy witch cause "it's silly", but you'll decorate a dead tree inside your house with lights and ornamental animals? Okay. Guess you hate women in the workforce.
December 1, 2025 at 7:11 AM
You won't commission an Etsy witch cause "it's silly", but you'll decorate a dead tree inside your house with lights and ornamental animals? Okay. Guess you hate women in the workforce.
That cancelled TV show you'll never stop thinking about (is this not everyone's answer?)
December 1, 2025 at 7:05 AM
That cancelled TV show you'll never stop thinking about (is this not everyone's answer?)
Reposted by Audrey Porne
[me to my gay friends] so which one of you drives the car and which one points to the cows and says ‘cow’?
December 1, 2025 at 5:58 AM
[me to my gay friends] so which one of you drives the car and which one points to the cows and says ‘cow’?
Reposted by Audrey Porne
can bluesky please stop hiding replies just because they have bad words in them? i'm a grownup, i can read the word "fuck"
November 29, 2025 at 8:59 PM
can bluesky please stop hiding replies just because they have bad words in them? i'm a grownup, i can read the word "fuck"
Reposted by Audrey Porne
Commenting “obviously AI. Look how fucked up the hands are” on all my friends new baby pics
December 1, 2025 at 2:12 AM
Commenting “obviously AI. Look how fucked up the hands are” on all my friends new baby pics
Proud Samsung user, by the way
November 30, 2025 at 11:35 PM
Proud Samsung user, by the way
I'm on 6 pills a day right now for my back injury and I haven't seen the Hat Man yet, but every time I fall asleep, it feels like I'm slipping into the Backrooms
November 30, 2025 at 11:14 PM
I'm on 6 pills a day right now for my back injury and I haven't seen the Hat Man yet, but every time I fall asleep, it feels like I'm slipping into the Backrooms
Been friends with this girl for a few months, im about to call her "bitch" for the first time, in a friendly way. About to risk it all.
November 30, 2025 at 11:11 PM
Been friends with this girl for a few months, im about to call her "bitch" for the first time, in a friendly way. About to risk it all.
this happened to my cousin once
November 30, 2025 at 11:10 PM
this happened to my cousin once
the US needs a president who is goth
November 30, 2025 at 11:07 PM
the US needs a president who is goth
I hate how we have to be careful about what we say. Ariana acts like a toddler, and the crying and baby talk her and Cynthia do is pretentious and annoying. Get a grip
November 30, 2025 at 11:03 PM
I hate how we have to be careful about what we say. Ariana acts like a toddler, and the crying and baby talk her and Cynthia do is pretentious and annoying. Get a grip
Top 5 ppl i want to kiss
- Ricky from trailer park boys
- Darren Trumeter in drag
- Darren trumeter out of drag
- Julia Garner in anything
- the girl reading this
- Ricky from trailer park boys
- Darren Trumeter in drag
- Darren trumeter out of drag
- Julia Garner in anything
- the girl reading this
November 30, 2025 at 11:02 PM
Top 5 ppl i want to kiss
- Ricky from trailer park boys
- Darren Trumeter in drag
- Darren trumeter out of drag
- Julia Garner in anything
- the girl reading this
- Ricky from trailer park boys
- Darren Trumeter in drag
- Darren trumeter out of drag
- Julia Garner in anything
- the girl reading this
Reposted by Audrey Porne
Recently heard a 21-year-old asking whether older generations "know who Garfield is" and y'know what, maybe we don't, not truly
November 30, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Recently heard a 21-year-old asking whether older generations "know who Garfield is" and y'know what, maybe we don't, not truly
toaster isn't available. what are you putting in this bath?
November 30, 2025 at 10:00 PM
toaster isn't available. what are you putting in this bath?
People say it's cringe to be into astrology but I'm a Scorpio and that's the best one, so I will be partaking in the cringeness
November 30, 2025 at 1:03 AM
People say it's cringe to be into astrology but I'm a Scorpio and that's the best one, so I will be partaking in the cringeness
Getting yelled at by a customer for a decision out of my control decided by someone who makes more money than me
November 30, 2025 at 12:42 AM
Getting yelled at by a customer for a decision out of my control decided by someone who makes more money than me
I'm so lonely I've synced cycles with my washing machine.
November 30, 2025 at 12:21 AM
I'm so lonely I've synced cycles with my washing machine.
Leigh Whannell smoking a cigarette in Saw, you will always be famous. A vape could never look this hot.
November 28, 2025 at 11:03 AM
Leigh Whannell smoking a cigarette in Saw, you will always be famous. A vape could never look this hot.