I hear the UK armed forces is starting a submariner regiment comprised entirely of guinea pigs. What is this, the Royal Cavy!?

#lunchpun

Unsolicited Picnic

😂
I found a suspicious fibre in a tub of margarine. My wife thinks it could be off someone's head, but I can't believe it's not butthair...

🤣🤣🤣

I tried putting margarine in the rain pipe to slick it up but the foliage just got more stuck to it and now I can't de-leaf this blocked gutter. #lunchpun

whats Pinocchio's favorite pizza. "Dominose." (the crowd applauds weakly but with an awareness that i have consolidated power and begun my invasion of the Low Countries)

Katherine had always felt that she'd been predestined to enjoy Taylor Swifts' tour.

K's Eras era? Whatever will be will be.

#LunchPun

People don't believe me when I tell them I always bump into Tom Jones on my morning commute, but it's not unusual, it happens everyday, no matter what you say. #lunchpun

My mate says his pet rodent is so well behaved that he could trust him with the most valuable work from his collection of French Impressionist paintings. I bet him £100 that he couldn't. It's time for him to put his Monet where his mouse is.

At the restaurant I was served a bowl of leafs, sprouts, cucumbers, cherry tomatoes and a balsamic dressing. The presentation was terrible!

How could they mess this up? It's not exactly rocket salad!

Aww thanks Paul! 😊

I'll never forget that night in waitressing when I served Cher the wrong dish. I could feel something inside me say I really don't think it's Stroganoff

Wasn't expecting Bonnie Tyler to be employed as a spokesperson for a workwear company, but I guess it's the locutorships of Carhartt