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Sorrowscopes

@sorrowscopes.bsky.social

23K followers 110 following 1.5K posts

Things are terrible (we follow our contributors)

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · Nov 14

A lot of very funny and talented people have written for Sorrowscopes over the years- here they are!
bsky.app/starter-pack...

41 190 700

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Mary Gillis @marygillis.bsky.social · 3d

The plot of the next Simpsons movie should be the kids at Springfield Elementary digging up a time capsule that was buried 40 years ago and realizing they're the same children who buried it because their world hasn't aged in 4 decades.

22 210 1.2K

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Hi, it's Abby. Yep. @itsabbyyep.bsky.social · 1d

Got kicked out of my work’s holiday party planning committee for suggesting the theme be “man’s inhumanity to man”

32 150 960

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Viktor Winetrout @viktorwinetrout.bsky.social · Sep 26

[buying a pumpkin] One scary watermelon, please

2 170 610

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Garth Marenghi's Catbus @hayao.lol · 1d

friends, did you know that for as little as $1/mo you can help feed and clothe a political cartoonist?

Brian McFadden | Patreon

creating Comics

www.patreon.com

2 13 48

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

lanyardigan @lanyardigan.bsky.social · Mar 7

On the bright side, we are living in a time of incredible stain-fighting technology

12 190 950

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

𝕂𝕏ℕ𝔾 ♠️ @kxngspade.bsky.social · Dec 24

Never forget Scrappy Doo worked directly with Reagan to distribute crack cocaine into the inner cities of America.

16 320 1.1K

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ceej @ceej.online · 1d

damn. hoping it at least signifies something

William Shakespeare @shakespeare.lol · 1d

It is a tale
Told by an idiot

55 760 3.7K

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · May 12

I ordered some hobby knickknacks on Etsy and they offered me the option to personalize the carrying case

Small green plastic case that says HUMAN EYES

16 120 790

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jul 21

Really getting into stupid bullshit recently. Have you guys heard about stupid bullshit

6 120 310

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jul 25

People like to shit on tradition, but I think it's a real time-saver. I glad I don't have to figure out what I'm supposed to do about God's birthday every year. Trees and candy, done. He loves it.

2 25 130

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jun 30

Watching a "family friendly" nature documentary. The narrator says "He's asking her on a date!" over footage of a male spraying piss near a female and screaming HWONK HWONK

4 8 65

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · May 27

Kinda BS that nobody cares if I call myself a "cat mom" but they act weird when I call myself a "cat MILF"

10 76 450

Reposted by Sorrowscopes

Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · Nov 14

A lot of very funny and talented people have written for Sorrowscopes over the years- here they are!
bsky.app/starter-pack...

41 190 700

Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Aries: Somebody gross loves you.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Taurus: Give yourself a little credit. Not everyone could screw up so badly in such a variety of ways.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Gemini: Sorry you didn’t get raptured. Jesus was going to bring you until 10,000 people signed a petition against it.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Cancer: You will be the worst possible version of yourself today, but no one will notice the difference.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Leo: Psychologists say self-hatred is better than emotional numbness, but why settle for one when you can have both for free!

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Virgo: This is the week to follow your dreams. When the clown beckons, go with him to the stream of blood. Your second grade teacher is waiting to roughly bathe you until you dissolve and become mist.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Libra: You will smell it, but not having dealt it, remain silent.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Scorpio: An old friend you haven’t seen for a long time could come to visit today. Avoid them at all costs—they’re serving you a subpoena.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Sagittarius: Stay alert to what's going on around you this week. You might find new love, or avoid being mowed down by a guy trying to shave while driving.

1 35 180

Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Capricorn: Messages from the stars are often garbled and confusing, so hopefully ferret problems, vanishing bones, and soup disaster make sense to you.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Aquarius: Some good old fashioned rest and relaxation would do a world of good for your physical and mental well-being. Oh well.

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Sorrowscopes @sorrowscopes.bsky.social · 6d

Pisces: Joy, love, hope, and prosperity are just some of the words that are foreign to you.

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