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Alicia Kraft

@aliciakraft.bsky.social

3.4K followers 350 following 1.7K posts

contributor at The Onion fatty at large (get it?) ✶✶Chicago✶✶

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · May 27

Kinda BS that nobody cares if I call myself a "cat mom" but they act weird when I call myself a "cat MILF"

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 12h

When I was a kid I thought crabapples were called crap-apples, because we had a huge crabapple tree in the backyard that would shed fruit in big piles that rotted and attracted flies. And I was right, it should be crap-apples because they don't taste anything like crab, trust me

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 1d

Busy World of Richard Scarry lookin ass (complimentary)

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 1d

Ayyy

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 4d

"Up to 100%" is every percent! That's all of them!! Fuck you!!!

Oral-b 3D white perfection toothpaste removes up to 100% of stains in 3 days

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · Jun 30

Watching a "family friendly" nature documentary. The narrator says "He's asking her on a date!" over footage of a male spraying piss near a female and screaming HWONK HWONK

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 5d

Post-credit scene for Aliens where Ripley and Newt wake up from cryo sleep in like 20 years or whatever and the giant xenomorph is sitting on a folding chair reading a magazine. "Oh hey you're awake! HISSSSSS"

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 6d

This week at work we got a handwritten fan letter to a comedy legend asking him to stop taking the Lord's name in vain on TV. We have no forwarding address so he's going to keep doing it and making this boomer sad.

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Ela Bambust 🏳️‍⚧️ @ela-bambust.bsky.social · 6d

good things still exist

hat that says: "cargo pants? uhhhh no buddy, car go beep beep, you feeling alright man?"

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 7d

I'm dying at Keanu walking around looking at spider-fingered carriage drivers and swirling blue pillars of fire like "Huh."

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 7d

I knew it was camp but I didn't realize Bram Stoker's Dracula would be this SILLY

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 7d

I knew it was camp but I didn't realize Bram Stoker's Dracula would be this SILLY

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 7d

Pompcorn

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 11d

When you see his performance you'll know

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 12d

enjoy Michigan or go fuck yourself

Two dumbfucks in love with Sleeping Bear Dunes in the background

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 14d

Found my first Charlevoix stone and I'm over the goddamn moon

Small gray piece of fossilized coral with honeycomb pattern visible

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 14d

Darla, Cindy, and Pete

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 14d

I fucking love ecosystems. Big ecosystems guy here

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 14d

We did it Joe

POV you are in a hammock in the woods with fragrant pine needles carpeting the forest floor

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

Brandon @bedubble.bsky.social · 16d

bow to your king 🎃

Top pumpkin producing states where Illinois is number 1

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 17d

Don't bring a goddamn baby to a comedy show

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 21d

viscacha

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 22d

More like stink tank
I said MORE LIKE STINK TANK

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 23d

The Everything Imam

Reposted by Alicia Kraft

josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99.bsky.social · 23d

Homer simpson has been fired from his job for saying "Change the channel Marge" at Frank Grimes' funeral

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Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 25d

Goodnight from God's favorite mistake

Proo the orange and white cat sleeping on his back with his hammy arm covering his little face

Alicia Kraft @aliciakraft.bsky.social · 25d

Them watching me in total darkness and silence, covered with pads and wires, on a strange bed, many hours before my usual bedtime: "this poor creature, she never sleeps"