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Alice M. Phillips

@alicemphillips.bsky.social

3.1K followers 500 following 1.2K posts

Prone to falling down rabbit holes. Humor writer and comedian with work in Reductress, McSweeney's, Points in Case, The Belladonna, Slackjaw, and elsewhere. https://www.alicemphillips.com Prev.: Davidson, NYU Law, POTUS 44, and public defense in SC.

www.alicemphillips.com

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8h

That’s bonkers! We do at least have the treatment for it in the US, which should totally cure most if not all of the people. I was a public defender and we saw it every so often in our jail. (And my dad had to quit being a pd when he was diagnosed w/AIDS because his doc said he’d get TB from jail)

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 11h

Okay. I see why people don’t travel 3rd trimester. I say, with both legs asleep after 15 minutes at the gate, and acid reflux while sitting up.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 11h

We had a TB case a few months ago in Sumter, SC, too!

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 11h

Hope everything is ok 🙏🏻

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 12h

I can go one of 2 ways. Onion bagel with jalapeño cream cheese, or blueberry bagel with like a honey nut cream cheese.

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 12h

Tell me your bagel order and I will tell you *based on NYC cultural expectations* if you have won or lost your election for political office in NYC.

Erin Biba @erinbiba.bsky.social · 13h

One of my favorite things about NYC is whenever anyone runs for office here they are required to disclose their bagel order.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 12h

Ohhh what a dear she was hahaha - I love this text exchange. Thank you for sharing and resharing it with all of us. So sorry for your loss.

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 19h

Has anyone ever campaigned for a Nobel Peace Prize before?? Just ridiculous, the entitlement.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Chris Murphy @chrismurphyct.bsky.social · 1d

Just bone chilling. And when the imprisonment of critics is combined with his offer to enrich and immunize his loyalists, this is how democracies die fast.

But it's still our choice. Don't let him silence you.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 1d

Twelve tracks and the one that gets stuck in my head is “Wood” 😑

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 1d

Yeah Kevin!!!!!!!! @kevinlutz.bsky.social

www.mcsweeneys.net/articles/dan...
He’s back in @mcsweeneys.net with this fantastic homage to Grease!

Danny Zuko’s Internal Monologue as He Heads to Rydell High’s Thirtieth Reunion

Jacket? Check. Wallet? Check. Keys? Well, obviously, you’re driving, you big gavone. Okay, Danny, this is gonna be your night. They’re gonna be sho...

www.mcsweeneys.net

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 2d

Me, at Starbucks: I do NOT need a croissant
Me, arriving home, after Starbucks: ☹️ why I no buy croissant

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 3d

We were never able to even finish our 3 y/o’s original series. We did one at 6 mos, the next on schedule, and then pediatrician ran out and said they weren’t ordering more due to lack of demand. We couldn’t find one 150 mi in either direction. Gave up. Haven’t even bothered trying to find a booster.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Chris Murphy @chrismurphyct.bsky.social · 3d

This has nothing to do with crime. This is an attempt to crush political dissent.

Never before, in our entire 250 year history, has the military or immigration agents been used like this. It's dystopian, illegal, and it should stop.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 3d

Okay, maybe there’s something to advanced maternal age. Or maybe it’s the two littles. In my first pregnancy at like 33 weeks a colleague and I were gearing up to try a big burglary case and I was FIRED UP. I’m about to be 31 weeks right now and I am TIRED UP. Even typing this is effortful.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Preorder Read This When Things Fall Apart @mskellymhayes.bsky.social · 4d

I’m. So. Tired.

I don’t just want you to pay attention to Chicago because I want you to understand our plight. I want you to see how hard people are fighting and know wtf you’re made of. We’re not just fighting for this place. This is for all of us.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 4d

This one is 5!

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

(Honestly…iconic. Mrs. E living her best life.)

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

Today, my son and I were eating boiled peanuts in our driveway, when a sweet neighbor w/early Alzheimer’s wandered over. After 5 min of conversation, she picked up our bag of peanuts and said she’d see us later. My son politely asked if she’d plz leave the peanuts, but she declined and walked home 🤣

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 5d

I get that many childhood pleasures we outgrow, but who’s dumb idea was it to trade that delicious pink amoxicillin concoction for nasty bitter pills?

Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 7d

Sigh. As of yesterday, we have measles cases and (likely) community spread sufficient for the CDC to classify SC as in an outbreak. All cases so far have afflicted unvaccinated SC residents. What a timeline.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8d

Watching the South Carolina S.323 testimony yesterday and I am just blown away by the number of women and doctors who say if the bill passes they will no longer be able to live/practice here and they will leave. Same--that was the substance of my written testimony--but amazing how consistent it is.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8d

Last night I fell asleep reading an excellent book—woke up to the book falling out of my hands, put it on my nightstand, turned out the light and conked out. Going to work on making that a nightly thing. Delightful after years (😳) of passing out with my eyes strained from staring at my phone.

Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Aaron Reichlin-Melnick @reichlinmelnick.bsky.social · 8d

Surreal moment for America. Needless to say, if the normal police ever pulled something like this — pulling every single person out of an apartment building and handcuffing them to run warrant checks — they would be sued into oblivion.

Yet ICE is going to get away with it entirely.

"It was scary, because I had never had a gun in my face," Fisher said. "They asked my name and my date of birth and asked me, did I have any warrants? And I told them, 'No, 'Ididn't."
Fisher said she was handcuffed before being released around 3 a.m., and she was told that if anyone had any kind of warrant out for them, even if it was unrelated to immigration, they would not be released.

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Alice M. Phillips @alicemphillips.bsky.social · 8d

Not sure whether it’s Fort Jackson or a construction site but it’s way too early for all this loud banging about 😖

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Reposted by Alice M. Phillips

Chuck Schumer @schumer.senate.gov · 9d

Yes to ballrooms. No to healthcare for Americans. Got it.

A headline from People reads: “White House Will Continue Construction on 90,000-Square-Foot Ballroom During Government Shutdown”

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