Apocrypals
@apocrypals.bsky.social
The podcast where Chris Sims and Benito Cereno read Bible and Bible-adjacent literature and try not to be ding-dangs about it
https://apocrypals.libsyn.com/
https://apocrypals.dashery.com/
https://apocrypals.libsyn.com/
https://apocrypals.dashery.com/
I like the ones where Dan says a cuss
He says a few in this one, but still quite a few less than I would have for Mike Johnson
He says a few in this one, but still quite a few less than I would have for Mike Johnson
February 10, 2026 at 4:53 PM
I like the ones where Dan says a cuss
He says a few in this one, but still quite a few less than I would have for Mike Johnson
He says a few in this one, but still quite a few less than I would have for Mike Johnson
Reposted by Apocrypals
Y'all enjoy the big game. I'm parading tonight.
(Remember back when I would post a photo like this on that other app and all the trads would lose their minds? I miss that.)
(Remember back when I would post a photo like this on that other app and all the trads would lose their minds? I miss that.)
February 9, 2026 at 12:11 AM
Y'all enjoy the big game. I'm parading tonight.
(Remember back when I would post a photo like this on that other app and all the trads would lose their minds? I miss that.)
(Remember back when I would post a photo like this on that other app and all the trads would lose their minds? I miss that.)
Reposted by Apocrypals
Unfortunately, no. There is no way to convert heavy water into holy heavy water.
However, if you start with Holy Water, electrolyze it within a blessed Buchner flask, add Holy Peroxide, then freeze it in a reliquary and purge, the remainder will be Holy Heavy Water.
However, if you start with Holy Water, electrolyze it within a blessed Buchner flask, add Holy Peroxide, then freeze it in a reliquary and purge, the remainder will be Holy Heavy Water.
February 8, 2026 at 11:15 PM
Reposted by Apocrypals
Shalom friends! Enjoy this blog I wrote for Reboot, a case study in adapting tales from a deeply patriarchal tradition, shaped by male storytellers, into modern feminist Midrash…while STILL having each plot twist and character trait rooted in those same ancient texts!
rebooting.com/article/jewi...
rebooting.com/article/jewi...
Retelling Eden: Feminism, Folklore and Narrative Reclamation
As a formerly Orthodox, now secular, deeply online millennial woman who loves the incredible extended chain of shared imagination that makes up the Jewish people’s collective narrative world-building,...
rebooting.com
February 8, 2026 at 2:51 PM
Shalom friends! Enjoy this blog I wrote for Reboot, a case study in adapting tales from a deeply patriarchal tradition, shaped by male storytellers, into modern feminist Midrash…while STILL having each plot twist and character trait rooted in those same ancient texts!
rebooting.com/article/jewi...
rebooting.com/article/jewi...
Reposted by Apocrypals
Oof. The last thing I want to do is defend fucking St. Paul, but I forget how many people don’t realize a lot (sadly not all, but a lot) of the worst shit in his letters was forged by later, shittier people to give his authority to their shitty ideas.
February 8, 2026 at 2:49 PM
Oof. The last thing I want to do is defend fucking St. Paul, but I forget how many people don’t realize a lot (sadly not all, but a lot) of the worst shit in his letters was forged by later, shittier people to give his authority to their shitty ideas.
The Acts of Andrew
Invisible people, Wolverine-style crucifixions
apocrypals.libsyn.com/97-pretty-su...
Invisible people, Wolverine-style crucifixions
apocrypals.libsyn.com/97-pretty-su...
Apocrypals: 97: Pretty Sus, Lesbius (The Acts of Andrew)
Quick, Theophiloi! Name your favorite Apostle! Okay, good, now we know who among you cannot be trusted, because anyone who said Andrew is a liar. My dude is boring as all h*ck except for the part wher...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:57 PM
The Acts of Andrew
Invisible people, Wolverine-style crucifixions
apocrypals.libsyn.com/97-pretty-su...
Invisible people, Wolverine-style crucifixions
apocrypals.libsyn.com/97-pretty-su...
The Acts of Thomas and His Wonder-working Skin
Magic human skin, dudes flying on clouds
apocrypals.libsyn.com/66-jesus-wit...
Magic human skin, dudes flying on clouds
apocrypals.libsyn.com/66-jesus-wit...
Apocrypals: 66: JeSuS With Two Cool Ses (The Acts of Thomas and his Wonderworking Skin)
Pack your bags, Theophiloi, because we're going on a trip to India with Thomas, the Second Christ, who works hard and flays harder. Thanks to Dr. Tony Burke and his new book, New Testament Apocrypha V...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:54 PM
The Acts of Thomas and His Wonder-working Skin
Magic human skin, dudes flying on clouds
apocrypals.libsyn.com/66-jesus-wit...
Magic human skin, dudes flying on clouds
apocrypals.libsyn.com/66-jesus-wit...
The Acts of Andrew and Matthias
A city of cannibals, secret devils, an alive sphinx, various murders
apocrypals.libsyn.com/59-joses-cru...
A city of cannibals, secret devils, an alive sphinx, various murders
apocrypals.libsyn.com/59-joses-cru...
Apocrypals: 60: Joses Crust (The Acts of Andrew and Matthias)
We're all having an extremely normal time right now, Theophiloi, but it always pays to remember that it could be worse. You could, for example, be Andrew, first called to be a disciple of the Lord Jes...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:51 PM
The Acts of Andrew and Matthias
A city of cannibals, secret devils, an alive sphinx, various murders
apocrypals.libsyn.com/59-joses-cru...
A city of cannibals, secret devils, an alive sphinx, various murders
apocrypals.libsyn.com/59-joses-cru...
The Acts of John
Sapient bedbugs, attempted poisonings, hologram Jesus
apocrypals.libsyn.com/46-ctrl-z-on...
Sapient bedbugs, attempted poisonings, hologram Jesus
apocrypals.libsyn.com/46-ctrl-z-on...
Apocrypals: 46: CTRL-Z On A Murder (The Acts of John)
Listen at your own risk, Theophiloi, for this is our most curséd episode yet! We lost our first recording, our second only made it six minutes in, and our third... Well, at this point we're just hopin...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:47 PM
The Acts of John
Sapient bedbugs, attempted poisonings, hologram Jesus
apocrypals.libsyn.com/46-ctrl-z-on...
Sapient bedbugs, attempted poisonings, hologram Jesus
apocrypals.libsyn.com/46-ctrl-z-on...
The Acts of Paul and Thecla
Killer seals, talking lion, milk blood
apocrypals.libsyn.com/21-biblerell...
Killer seals, talking lion, milk blood
apocrypals.libsyn.com/21-biblerell...
Apocrypals: 21: Biblerella (The Acts of Paul and Thecla)
Watch out, Theophiloi -- we've got some high voltage coming your way as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Paul and Thecla. For the first time, we have a real female protagonist who has agency... to ...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:46 PM
The Acts of Paul and Thecla
Killer seals, talking lion, milk blood
apocrypals.libsyn.com/21-biblerell...
Killer seals, talking lion, milk blood
apocrypals.libsyn.com/21-biblerell...
The Acts of Peter and the Acts of Peter and Paul
Wizard battle, talking dog, flying dude, exploding dude
apocrypals.libsyn.com/3-various-he...
Wizard battle, talking dog, flying dude, exploding dude
apocrypals.libsyn.com/3-various-he...
Apocrypals: 3: Various Heresies (The Acts of Peter and Paul)
"Go, say unto Simon: Peter, because of whom thou fleddest out of Judaea, waiteth for thee at the door." -- The Acts of Peter, Chapter IV Join us this week as we dive into the apocryphal Acts of Peter ...
apocrypals.libsyn.com
February 4, 2026 at 8:45 PM
The Acts of Peter and the Acts of Peter and Paul
Wizard battle, talking dog, flying dude, exploding dude
apocrypals.libsyn.com/3-various-he...
Wizard battle, talking dog, flying dude, exploding dude
apocrypals.libsyn.com/3-various-he...
Dan mentions that these broader traditions about the apostles are rejected by almost all Christians, but not that it's because they're full of talking animals, flying dudes, cannibals, and so on
If you'd like to know more about the apocryphal acts of the apostles, have I got a podcast for you
If you'd like to know more about the apocryphal acts of the apostles, have I got a podcast for you
February 4, 2026 at 8:44 PM
Dan mentions that these broader traditions about the apostles are rejected by almost all Christians, but not that it's because they're full of talking animals, flying dudes, cannibals, and so on
If you'd like to know more about the apocryphal acts of the apostles, have I got a podcast for you
If you'd like to know more about the apocryphal acts of the apostles, have I got a podcast for you
Reposted by Apocrypals
CHOTINER: So it was just you and your brother.
CAIN: And our parents, yes.
CHOTINER: They were with each other that day, is that correct?
CAIN: As it turned out.
CHOTINER: So naturally they wouldnt suspect anyone else.
CAIN: Well no, but—
CHOTINER: What made you think you'd get away with it?
CAIN: And our parents, yes.
CHOTINER: They were with each other that day, is that correct?
CAIN: As it turned out.
CHOTINER: So naturally they wouldnt suspect anyone else.
CAIN: Well no, but—
CHOTINER: What made you think you'd get away with it?
February 3, 2026 at 3:26 AM
Reposted by Apocrypals
I love seeing Christians’ first reactions to the Hebrew text of the Torah. Today, my Catholic classmate learned for the very first time that Moses split the “Reed Sea,” not the “Red Sea.” It blew her mind! #Jewish
January 29, 2026 at 10:09 AM
Reposted by Apocrypals
I gave a Paul tutorial yesterday and made reference to Paul Foster’s informal survey of BNTC attendees on questions of authorship of the epistles; and remembered that Bruce Longenecker supervised a more recent, slightly more detailed such survey. Here are Foster’s and Longenecker/Hess’s results:
January 28, 2026 at 3:57 PM
I think you’re onto something
January 28, 2026 at 6:10 AM
I think you’re onto something
Reposted by Apocrypals
In the 2025 video game Hollow Knight: Silksong, the hero and player character Hornet descends into the deepest reaches of an ancient prison to free from captivity and slumber a character named First Sinner, clearly evocative of the Harrowing of Hell and Original Sin.
In this essay, I will...
In this essay, I will...
January 27, 2026 at 11:50 PM
In the 2025 video game Hollow Knight: Silksong, the hero and player character Hornet descends into the deepest reaches of an ancient prison to free from captivity and slumber a character named First Sinner, clearly evocative of the Harrowing of Hell and Original Sin.
In this essay, I will...
In this essay, I will...
It’s more than a t-shirt, it’s a Weltanschauung
January 27, 2026 at 5:01 PM
It’s more than a t-shirt, it’s a Weltanschauung
Reposted by Apocrypals
Reposted by Apocrypals
@apocrypals.bsky.social These made me think if you guys! www.instagram.com/reel/DRa0CoY...
hampton_ on Instagram: "You leave for 5 seconds and miss EVERYTHINGView all 246 comments"
You leave for 5 seconds and miss EVERYTHING
www.instagram.com
January 20, 2026 at 9:20 PM
@apocrypals.bsky.social These made me think if you guys! www.instagram.com/reel/DRa0CoY...
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It’s like they’re not even aware how many Mormons can’t stand me.
January 19, 2026 at 7:14 AM
It’s like they’re not even aware how many Mormons can’t stand me.
It always cracks me up when people attribute the motivation for Dan’s scholarship to some oblique Mormon conspiracy
You know, that thing Mormons are always going on about? How the Pentateuch is a literary redaction of multiple sources composed with differing rhetorical goals?
You know, that thing Mormons are always going on about? How the Pentateuch is a literary redaction of multiple sources composed with differing rhetorical goals?
January 18, 2026 at 10:17 PM
It always cracks me up when people attribute the motivation for Dan’s scholarship to some oblique Mormon conspiracy
You know, that thing Mormons are always going on about? How the Pentateuch is a literary redaction of multiple sources composed with differing rhetorical goals?
You know, that thing Mormons are always going on about? How the Pentateuch is a literary redaction of multiple sources composed with differing rhetorical goals?
Reposted by Apocrypals
January 17, 2026 at 3:30 PM