Reposted by Seamus
Reposted by Seamus
2 in 3 of Nigel Farage’s current and former partners do not speak English as their first language.
December 3, 2025 at 11:03 PM
2 in 3 of Nigel Farage’s current and former partners do not speak English as their first language.
I renamed my dog 'Goodboy' and now he doesn't know when I'm telling him off.
December 3, 2025 at 1:47 PM
I renamed my dog 'Goodboy' and now he doesn't know when I'm telling him off.
PRETEND you are a worm by sticking your head out of your chimney when it rains.
December 3, 2025 at 1:08 PM
PRETEND you are a worm by sticking your head out of your chimney when it rains.
Experience 90% of Christmas by flicking the big light on and off whilst drunk until your partner shouts at you.
December 1, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Experience 90% of Christmas by flicking the big light on and off whilst drunk until your partner shouts at you.
Reposted by Seamus
If you give blood 50 times they give you a trophy and access to the secret biscuits
November 26, 2025 at 1:56 PM
If you give blood 50 times they give you a trophy and access to the secret biscuits
hope they don't tax onions because I've got loads of 'em.
November 26, 2025 at 2:17 PM
hope they don't tax onions because I've got loads of 'em.
I have the image of James Brown shouting MEAT PIE ! stuck in my head.
November 21, 2025 at 1:00 PM
I have the image of James Brown shouting MEAT PIE ! stuck in my head.
Sheep in the carpark.
November 18, 2025 at 2:45 PM
Sheep in the carpark.
My dad once did a mime of a blind man washing an elephant (in front of 80 people).
November 12, 2025 at 3:34 PM
My dad once did a mime of a blind man washing an elephant (in front of 80 people).
I wouldn't like to be a bird.
Flying along on a windy day and suddenly... *rain face*
Flying along on a windy day and suddenly... *rain face*
October 31, 2025 at 1:32 PM
I wouldn't like to be a bird.
Flying along on a windy day and suddenly... *rain face*
Flying along on a windy day and suddenly... *rain face*
Reposted by Seamus
I had a mate who looked a lot like Beryl Reid.
October 27, 2025 at 2:13 PM
I had a mate who looked a lot like Beryl Reid.
Reposted by Seamus
Residents of Dolgellau give thanks to the Gods as the clocks on their microwaves, car radios, ovens and VHS players all tell the correct time for the first time in 6 months.
October 26, 2025 at 7:02 PM
Residents of Dolgellau give thanks to the Gods as the clocks on their microwaves, car radios, ovens and VHS players all tell the correct time for the first time in 6 months.
I'm sorry I snapped all the spaghetti, it was crunchy and made me feel strong.
October 22, 2025 at 2:51 PM
I'm sorry I snapped all the spaghetti, it was crunchy and made me feel strong.
Reposted by Seamus
Reposted by Seamus
One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five to speak to customer services,
Six to return to the main menu,
Seven to hear those options again
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five to speak to customer services,
Six to return to the main menu,
Seven to hear those options again
November 25, 2024 at 5:12 PM
One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five to speak to customer services,
Six to return to the main menu,
Seven to hear those options again
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five to speak to customer services,
Six to return to the main menu,
Seven to hear those options again
Reposted by Seamus
And this painting is *also* now on display, and on sale, at The Yard Gallery in Sheffield. You can go in and look and buy it and everything. Hours of fun.
Good morning. Here's a new painting called:
'Well, well, well, if it isn't the universe'
'Well, well, well, if it isn't the universe'
October 11, 2025 at 5:44 PM
And this painting is *also* now on display, and on sale, at The Yard Gallery in Sheffield. You can go in and look and buy it and everything. Hours of fun.
Reposted by Seamus
If you would like to know a bit more about my art, my website is the best place to start:
www.paulgarrard.com
www.paulgarrard.com
Paul Garrard
Paul Garrard multimedia artist
www.paulgarrard.com
October 26, 2024 at 4:49 PM
If you would like to know a bit more about my art, my website is the best place to start:
www.paulgarrard.com
www.paulgarrard.com
Reposted by Seamus
Bollocks, I Shrunk the Kids
October 5, 2025 at 6:45 PM
Bollocks, I Shrunk the Kids
Bollocks to the Future.
Bollocks, I Shrunk the Kids
October 5, 2025 at 8:00 PM
Bollocks to the Future.
Reposted by Seamus
[campfire story]
"—then HE said…"
*everybody leans forward*
"Gary, you leaned too far, your moustache's on fire"
Everybody: huh?
Gary: ARGH!
"—then HE said…"
*everybody leans forward*
"Gary, you leaned too far, your moustache's on fire"
Everybody: huh?
Gary: ARGH!
October 4, 2025 at 9:43 AM
[campfire story]
"—then HE said…"
*everybody leans forward*
"Gary, you leaned too far, your moustache's on fire"
Everybody: huh?
Gary: ARGH!
"—then HE said…"
*everybody leans forward*
"Gary, you leaned too far, your moustache's on fire"
Everybody: huh?
Gary: ARGH!
Much wind here.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
October 3, 2025 at 12:33 PM
Much wind here.
Pardon me.
Pardon me.
Reposted by Seamus
[First day as a taxi driver]
Base on radio: “What’s your ETA?”
Me, stammers: “Erm, an egg and cress sandwich and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, B”
Base on radio: “What’s your ETA?”
Me, stammers: “Erm, an egg and cress sandwich and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, B”
October 2, 2025 at 5:07 PM
[First day as a taxi driver]
Base on radio: “What’s your ETA?”
Me, stammers: “Erm, an egg and cress sandwich and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, B”
Base on radio: “What’s your ETA?”
Me, stammers: “Erm, an egg and cress sandwich and a bag of cheese and onion crisps, B”