Clare Blackwood
@clareblackwood.bsky.social
Actor/comedian/writer. Words in The Beaverton, CBC Comedy, McSweeney’s, etc. Pierre Poilievre's personal assistant Mandy. she/her [email protected] https://buymeacoffee.com/clareblackwood
Pinned
Listening to radio ads right now is like "Canadians are strong. Canadians are tough. Canadians never back down. Canadians deserve the best. That's why at Bob's Lube Garage, we know your tire lube should smell like poutine and Lake Erie fish,"
I really try to make jokes and find fun ways to spin terrible news on here, but I read this and the only thing I have to say about it is that Doug Ford is a piece of shit who shouldn't be running an Arby's, let alone a province. Fuck you, Doug. share.google/gPPqvtiuqD0O...
Ford tells protesters to 'go find a job' as controversial housing bill passes at Queen's Park | CBC News
Shouts and chants rained down upon politicians at the Ontario legislature Monday as the government passed a housing bill that critics say makes it easier for landlords to evict tenants.
share.google
November 25, 2025 at 2:56 AM
I really try to make jokes and find fun ways to spin terrible news on here, but I read this and the only thing I have to say about it is that Doug Ford is a piece of shit who shouldn't be running an Arby's, let alone a province. Fuck you, Doug. share.google/gPPqvtiuqD0O...
The Doug Ford government hates poor people and they should not be allowed to enter any business that employs minimum wage workers without being driven out by the staff in shame, and yes I am so serious about this. share.google/uziYkHKA57ob...
Ford government's controversial Bill 60 passes in Ontario legislature
A controversial housing bill by Premier Doug Ford's government is coming up for a final vote in the Ontario legislature on Monday.
share.google
November 24, 2025 at 7:59 PM
The Doug Ford government hates poor people and they should not be allowed to enter any business that employs minimum wage workers without being driven out by the staff in shame, and yes I am so serious about this. share.google/uziYkHKA57ob...
I think I'm singing Dog Days Are Over by Florence in this picture, but it really looks like I'm in the middle of a terrible stand-up bit about how the pitch clock rule is woke
November 24, 2025 at 12:05 AM
I think I'm singing Dog Days Are Over by Florence in this picture, but it really looks like I'm in the middle of a terrible stand-up bit about how the pitch clock rule is woke
As much as I loathe to draw attention to the National Post, I think it's important to keep an eye on what they're up to. In this case, it's writing a piece that can be summed up with, "The stupid libs keep fear mongering about their bodily rights being taken away. Here's why we should do that."
November 23, 2025 at 9:23 PM
As much as I loathe to draw attention to the National Post, I think it's important to keep an eye on what they're up to. In this case, it's writing a piece that can be summed up with, "The stupid libs keep fear mongering about their bodily rights being taken away. Here's why we should do that."
I got to make the entire karaoke crowd sing "Okay Blue Jays" with me last night at a charity media event, so we can tick that one off the ol' bucket list!
November 23, 2025 at 3:40 PM
I got to make the entire karaoke crowd sing "Okay Blue Jays" with me last night at a charity media event, so we can tick that one off the ol' bucket list!
Reposted by Clare Blackwood
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round
GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE
GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE
November 23, 2025 at 3:39 AM
Fat bottomed girls you make the rockin’ world go round
GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE
GET ON YOUR BIKES AND RIDE
It astounds me that after over two years of recognized genocide, large media outlets are still publishing headlines like this. I don't know what else to say except I hope one day there is a reckoning for it.
BREAKING: At least 24 people are dead and 54 wounded after Israeli airstrikes in Gaza, testing the ceasefire that began in October, officials say.
Israel launches strikes in Gaza ceasefire's latest test as hospitals say 20 killed
Israel's military says it has launched new airstrikes against Hamas militants in Gaza, testing the ceasefire that began on October 10.
bit.ly
November 22, 2025 at 7:11 PM
It astounds me that after over two years of recognized genocide, large media outlets are still publishing headlines like this. I don't know what else to say except I hope one day there is a reckoning for it.
I'm looking forward to performing at this tonight! Anyone who knows me knows that the only thing I love more than journalism succeeding in the face of an increasingly volatile and underfunded climate full of bad actors who slander the free press in order to further their own goals...is karaoke
It's mostly been bad news for journalists this year/decade/century, but here's some good news: Newzapalooza, the live-band karaoke charity party for journalists and media folks, is back on Nov 22 at The Duke (Queen St E, Toronto). Party for a good cause.
www.tixtree.com/e/newzapaloo...
www.tixtree.com/e/newzapaloo...
November 22, 2025 at 3:27 PM
I'm looking forward to performing at this tonight! Anyone who knows me knows that the only thing I love more than journalism succeeding in the face of an increasingly volatile and underfunded climate full of bad actors who slander the free press in order to further their own goals...is karaoke
I just watched a local Toronto orchestra play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture and when the bells started ringing at the end it full-on brought tears to my eyes. Classical music, as the kids say these days, slaps.
November 22, 2025 at 3:26 AM
I just watched a local Toronto orchestra play Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture and when the bells started ringing at the end it full-on brought tears to my eyes. Classical music, as the kids say these days, slaps.
My "Trump Does Not Want to Execute Members of Congress" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt etc etc
November 21, 2025 at 11:57 PM
My "Trump Does Not Want to Execute Members of Congress" T-shirt has people asking a lot of questions already answered by my shirt etc etc
The many faces of a totally normal Patreon video
November 21, 2025 at 10:24 PM
The many faces of a totally normal Patreon video
I feel like this delightful shout-out to my latest Doug Ford @thebeaverton.com article makes me a real journalist (very untrue, extreme untrue)
Marit Stiles was ejected from Queens Park for calling Doug Ford corrupt. While we know he is literally a criminal and under investigation, as well as very openly corrupt, you cannot say so in Parliament. #ontario #onpoli #dougford #frankdomenic🍁
November 21, 2025 at 3:01 AM
I feel like this delightful shout-out to my latest Doug Ford @thebeaverton.com article makes me a real journalist (very untrue, extreme untrue)
As a writer for The Beaverton, I realize that it's easy to read the headlines and move on, but this piece by my boss slash colleague Luke is very very funny and I highly endorse it.
Q - Why, given all the terrible things happening in the world, do people care about this?
A - Micro-analysis: They see it as an example of government overreach and bureaucratic cruelty towards an independent farm. Macro-analysis: The world is getting dumber every day.
A - Micro-analysis: They see it as an example of government overreach and bureaucratic cruelty towards an independent farm. Macro-analysis: The world is getting dumber every day.
Answering your questions about the Ostrich story your uncle won't stop posting about
You have probably seen your right wing family and friends post a lot about ostriches lately. And, since you don’t follow Rebel News and a lot of twitter accounts with fucktrudeau and fringeminorty in ...
www.thebeaverton.com
November 21, 2025 at 2:18 AM
As a writer for The Beaverton, I realize that it's easy to read the headlines and move on, but this piece by my boss slash colleague Luke is very very funny and I highly endorse it.
I'm spending tomorrow making the video for my Patreon, and the amount of wig content it involves is impressive, even by my standards. As someone who doesn't know if she'll be employed past 2025, wigs are top priority even if my accountant doesn't understand.
November 20, 2025 at 11:46 PM
I'm spending tomorrow making the video for my Patreon, and the amount of wig content it involves is impressive, even by my standards. As someone who doesn't know if she'll be employed past 2025, wigs are top priority even if my accountant doesn't understand.
Things the Republican party will also say cause autism within the year based on this trajectory:
-women working during pregnancy
-women having right to vote (bad!)
-not having Jesus in your life
-current age of consent (too high!)
-windmills, somehow
-women working during pregnancy
-women having right to vote (bad!)
-not having Jesus in your life
-current age of consent (too high!)
-windmills, somehow
A CDC webpage that previously made the case that vaccines don’t cause autism now says they might.
CDC Changes Webpage to Say Vaccines May Cause Autism, Revising Prior Language
The text on vaccines had been a focal point for both vaccine skeptics, who criticized it, and public health advocates, who wondered how far RFK Jr. would go to change it.
on.wsj.com
November 20, 2025 at 2:44 PM
Things the Republican party will also say cause autism within the year based on this trajectory:
-women working during pregnancy
-women having right to vote (bad!)
-not having Jesus in your life
-current age of consent (too high!)
-windmills, somehow
-women working during pregnancy
-women having right to vote (bad!)
-not having Jesus in your life
-current age of consent (too high!)
-windmills, somehow
etsy (email): you have a package :) click here to visit our website to track your package :) :)
me: *clicks here to visit website*
etsy (email): DID YOU JUST TRY TO VISIT OUR WEBSITE OH MY GOD WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT ALERT ALERT HOLY SHI-
me: *clicks here to visit website*
etsy (email): DID YOU JUST TRY TO VISIT OUR WEBSITE OH MY GOD WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT ALERT ALERT HOLY SHI-
November 20, 2025 at 2:52 AM
etsy (email): you have a package :) click here to visit our website to track your package :) :)
me: *clicks here to visit website*
etsy (email): DID YOU JUST TRY TO VISIT OUR WEBSITE OH MY GOD WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT ALERT ALERT HOLY SHI-
me: *clicks here to visit website*
etsy (email): DID YOU JUST TRY TO VISIT OUR WEBSITE OH MY GOD WHO THE FUCK WAS THAT ALERT ALERT HOLY SHI-
BREAKING: US Ambassador to Canada accuses Canada of meddling in US elections, states “Only we're allowed to do that shit.”
US Ambassador "accuses Canada of meddling in U.S. politics, says restarting trade talks 'not going to be easy.' ... says Canada needs to 'seriously consider' its approach. www.cbc.ca/news/politic...
Hoekstra accuses Canada of meddling in U.S. politics, says restarting trade talks 'not going to be easy' | CBC News
U.S. Ambassador to Canada Pete Hoekstra continued to lash out against the ad campaign that infuriated his president and abruptly ended trade negotiations while on stage in Ottawa Wednesday, accusing C...
www.cbc.ca
November 20, 2025 at 1:39 AM
BREAKING: US Ambassador to Canada accuses Canada of meddling in US elections, states “Only we're allowed to do that shit.”
my goal is to one day become doug ford's sleep paralysis demon and I believe that goal becomes more real with every article I write about him.
Ontario NDP leader ejected from Question Period after incorrectly labelling Ford gov as "corrupt," not "evil"
Ontario NDP leader ejected from Question Period after incorrectly labelling Ford gov as "corrupt," not "evil"
QUEEN’S PARK - Ontario NDP leader Marit Stiles was kicked out of Question Period this morning after criticizing Doug Ford and incorrectly calling him and his entire government “corrupt,” instead of “t...
www.thebeaverton.com
November 19, 2025 at 9:55 PM
my goal is to one day become doug ford's sleep paralysis demon and I believe that goal becomes more real with every article I write about him.
Whenever people tell me I should get into politics, I should just send them stories like this to really cement the fact that I would never be present in the legislature because I would get perma banned on my first day
Opposition Leader Marit Stiles was ejected from the legislature at Queen’s Park Wednesday after accusing the government of being “corrupt” in a heated exchange over the Skills Development Fund.
NDP Leader Marit Stiles ejected from Ontario legislature after heated exchange over skills fund
Opposition Leader Marit Stiles was ejected from the legislature at Queen’s Park Wednesday after accusing the government of being “corrupt” in a heated exchange over the Skills Development Fund.
bit.ly
November 19, 2025 at 5:55 PM
Whenever people tell me I should get into politics, I should just send them stories like this to really cement the fact that I would never be present in the legislature because I would get perma banned on my first day
The concept of Andrew Scheer hiding behind the House chamber curtains during the entire budget vote yesterday is wildly funny. He was like the Wizard of Oz if the Wizard had been weirdly into milk products
November 19, 2025 at 1:44 AM
The concept of Andrew Scheer hiding behind the House chamber curtains during the entire budget vote yesterday is wildly funny. He was like the Wizard of Oz if the Wizard had been weirdly into milk products
The first sign of a good bill is when it is immediately protested by unions, shelters, and food banks! share.google/X85AIKHHmVFv...
More people will struggle to be housed in Ontario if Bill 60 is passed, open letter warns
A proposed bill by the Doug Ford government will worsen homelessness in the province by eroding essential tenant rights amid a rising cost of living and unstable job market, an open letter by a group ...
share.google
November 18, 2025 at 6:06 PM
The first sign of a good bill is when it is immediately protested by unions, shelters, and food banks! share.google/X85AIKHHmVFv...
hey Siri, play "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65
November 18, 2025 at 4:35 PM
hey Siri, play "Blue (Da Ba Dee)" by Eiffel 65
gotta say, the last thing I expected to see tonight were two official Toronto fire trucks driving past my apartment BLASTING Pitbull's "Fireball"
November 18, 2025 at 1:26 AM
gotta say, the last thing I expected to see tonight were two official Toronto fire trucks driving past my apartment BLASTING Pitbull's "Fireball"
Goddamnit but I've already written my Hallmark holiday election script about Pierre Poilievre learning the meaning of Christmas by being visited by three Ghost Carneys in a trenchcoat www.bbc.com/news/article...
Canada's parliament narrowly approves Prime Minister Carney's first federal budget
The approval of the fiscal plan - the second largest in Canada's history - allows the prime minister's minority government to avert an early election.
www.bbc.com
November 18, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Goddamnit but I've already written my Hallmark holiday election script about Pierre Poilievre learning the meaning of Christmas by being visited by three Ghost Carneys in a trenchcoat www.bbc.com/news/article...
I found out just now that my YouTube account had somehow subscribed itself to Tim Pool's channel, and I have so many questions, the chiefest among them being oh dear god please no
November 17, 2025 at 10:52 PM
I found out just now that my YouTube account had somehow subscribed itself to Tim Pool's channel, and I have so many questions, the chiefest among them being oh dear god please no