Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
@cointelprostate.bsky.social
Local cryptid
Sorry I can’t make it to your party, I’m meeting a work colleague for a business pee
January 17, 2026 at 12:45 AM
Sorry I can’t make it to your party, I’m meeting a work colleague for a business pee
Getting the ick on a first date after watching him fumble to bring up his favorite horseshoe crab video
January 13, 2026 at 11:12 PM
Getting the ick on a first date after watching him fumble to bring up his favorite horseshoe crab video
Going to the plastic surgeon and asking for Peter griffin’s chin
January 12, 2026 at 10:17 PM
Going to the plastic surgeon and asking for Peter griffin’s chin
It doesn’t matter if you have a small dick. It matters why. Likely you sinned greatly in a past life
January 12, 2026 at 1:50 AM
It doesn’t matter if you have a small dick. It matters why. Likely you sinned greatly in a past life
Using /j to indicate that I’m jacking off (/suckin)
January 11, 2026 at 3:49 AM
Using /j to indicate that I’m jacking off (/suckin)
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee
December 4, 2025 at 1:44 AM
(living an unexamined life) yaaaaaay haha yay wheeeeee
Just took a severe blow to the head. Nothing a little shuteye won’t fix
January 7, 2026 at 3:52 AM
Just took a severe blow to the head. Nothing a little shuteye won’t fix
Going to the circumcision doctor and asking if he can do a fade
January 3, 2026 at 3:50 AM
Going to the circumcision doctor and asking if he can do a fade
I’d go meat for meat with Dracula he doesn’t scare me
January 2, 2026 at 2:39 AM
I’d go meat for meat with Dracula he doesn’t scare me
I wrote down on a job application that I’m gay and now they want me to “prove it”??
January 1, 2026 at 1:35 AM
I wrote down on a job application that I’m gay and now they want me to “prove it”??
Let’s get you milked, homie!
December 30, 2025 at 4:08 AM
Let’s get you milked, homie!
Pregaming at the bar before I go home to drink all the beer there
December 29, 2025 at 3:53 AM
Pregaming at the bar before I go home to drink all the beer there
Yea I’m asexual. A Sexual Guy! 😂 anyway thanks for letting me me stay in your basement the divorce is NOT going well
December 27, 2025 at 1:12 AM
Yea I’m asexual. A Sexual Guy! 😂 anyway thanks for letting me me stay in your basement the divorce is NOT going well
Hey my buddy The Sexual Acquaintance thinks you’re cute and wants to know your full address is that ok
December 25, 2025 at 11:29 PM
Hey my buddy The Sexual Acquaintance thinks you’re cute and wants to know your full address is that ok
Waiting on the grinch to try some shit
December 25, 2025 at 3:26 AM
Waiting on the grinch to try some shit
I don’t need a therapist, I have my mold spores
December 23, 2025 at 3:25 AM
I don’t need a therapist, I have my mold spores
Sorry I can’t hang out tonight I have to stay home and give names to all the floaters in my eyes
December 21, 2025 at 5:16 AM
Sorry I can’t hang out tonight I have to stay home and give names to all the floaters in my eyes
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
standing up in front of the american flag to read a list of penis facts i found online
December 19, 2025 at 1:20 AM
standing up in front of the american flag to read a list of penis facts i found online
I was just killed over a period of several years
December 19, 2025 at 1:36 AM
I was just killed over a period of several years
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
Many people’s main concern is whether or not they have heard a peep
December 18, 2025 at 3:56 AM
Many people’s main concern is whether or not they have heard a peep
Sorry, my balance is a little off from the surgery I just had to install this large dorsal fin
December 18, 2025 at 2:43 AM
Sorry, my balance is a little off from the surgery I just had to install this large dorsal fin
(My urologist sealing a ruler inside a plastic tube) we’ll send this off to the lab and your results will be back in a few days
December 17, 2025 at 1:56 AM
(My urologist sealing a ruler inside a plastic tube) we’ll send this off to the lab and your results will be back in a few days
Opening a strip club that only plays Grouper
December 15, 2025 at 10:53 PM
Opening a strip club that only plays Grouper
Are you seriously going to to talk to me like that when I’m clearly mommy’s special boy?
December 15, 2025 at 2:57 AM
Are you seriously going to to talk to me like that when I’m clearly mommy’s special boy?
Hey man just so you know when we shook hands earlier I could tell from your grip that your pineal gland is completely fucked
December 14, 2025 at 11:39 PM
Hey man just so you know when we shook hands earlier I could tell from your grip that your pineal gland is completely fucked