Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
@cointelprostate.bsky.social
Local cryptid
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
you ever have one of those farts that just so happens to go on so long as to generate the precise analog fax tones to send a resume to the CIA?
November 26, 2025 at 2:08 AM
you ever have one of those farts that just so happens to go on so long as to generate the precise analog fax tones to send a resume to the CIA?
(Completely unaware that I died for 3 full minutes in my sleep last night) I’ve been good today I deserve a diet coke
November 26, 2025 at 2:20 AM
(Completely unaware that I died for 3 full minutes in my sleep last night) I’ve been good today I deserve a diet coke
Please, Mr. Beverage Director was my father. call me Michael
November 24, 2025 at 11:58 PM
Please, Mr. Beverage Director was my father. call me Michael
I’m sorry miss jackson, I am four eels
November 24, 2025 at 9:52 PM
I’m sorry miss jackson, I am four eels
Texting my barber “looks great” in the middle of a haircut
November 24, 2025 at 12:52 AM
Texting my barber “looks great” in the middle of a haircut
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
strange methheads in the woods near you would love to borrow your phone
November 23, 2025 at 1:05 AM
strange methheads in the woods near you would love to borrow your phone
I’m outside of most of your homes right now
November 23, 2025 at 1:28 AM
I’m outside of most of your homes right now
I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to being shot with a beam that conveys me to shadow realm, but I don’t think it would be the best outcome in terms of my career advancement
November 21, 2025 at 11:31 PM
I wouldn’t necessarily be opposed to being shot with a beam that conveys me to shadow realm, but I don’t think it would be the best outcome in terms of my career advancement
I’m tossing around a little gnome from hand to hand like a hot potato and he’s loving it. Can’t stop laughing. I’m smacking his ass a little too
November 21, 2025 at 3:43 AM
I’m tossing around a little gnome from hand to hand like a hot potato and he’s loving it. Can’t stop laughing. I’m smacking his ass a little too
People keep talking about my new ass. They keep saying stuff like “wow look at that huge ass” but it’s the same ass I’ve always had. It’s just that the rest of my body is way smaller now (from the experiments the aliens did on me)
November 19, 2025 at 12:19 AM
People keep talking about my new ass. They keep saying stuff like “wow look at that huge ass” but it’s the same ass I’ve always had. It’s just that the rest of my body is way smaller now (from the experiments the aliens did on me)
Taking the pill that makes Bigfoot real
November 18, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Taking the pill that makes Bigfoot real
Gaming isn’t “cool.” Owning a sports car isn’t “cool.” Cutting a ghost in half with a sword is cool
November 16, 2025 at 10:51 PM
Gaming isn’t “cool.” Owning a sports car isn’t “cool.” Cutting a ghost in half with a sword is cool
Reposted by Captain Jean Luc Dickhard
The moral arc of the universe is gay and its dick is small
November 16, 2025 at 7:05 AM
The moral arc of the universe is gay and its dick is small
Standing at attention as the king passes by but it’s clear that I got my nuts stuck in my chain mail armor
November 16, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Standing at attention as the king passes by but it’s clear that I got my nuts stuck in my chain mail armor
Some guy named Dwight Ketchup just came and fucked me up. Straight up kicked my ass and took a bunch of my shit
November 15, 2025 at 4:28 AM
Some guy named Dwight Ketchup just came and fucked me up. Straight up kicked my ass and took a bunch of my shit
(Misremembering the phrase “loose lips sink ships”) hey man be careful you know what they say, loose lips kiss tips
November 14, 2025 at 2:20 AM
(Misremembering the phrase “loose lips sink ships”) hey man be careful you know what they say, loose lips kiss tips
Astral projecting into my neighbor’s apartment so we can watch family guy together
November 12, 2025 at 10:46 PM
Astral projecting into my neighbor’s apartment so we can watch family guy together
Saying “type of shit I’ve been on lately” to some shit I have most definitely not been on lately
November 10, 2025 at 10:57 PM
Saying “type of shit I’ve been on lately” to some shit I have most definitely not been on lately
Staying on the bus until I’m the last passenger so I can ask the driver to let me sit on on his lap
November 10, 2025 at 2:53 AM
Staying on the bus until I’m the last passenger so I can ask the driver to let me sit on on his lap
(Buying toilet paper but I’m trying to flirt with the cashier) oh it’s not for me haha
November 8, 2025 at 11:23 PM
(Buying toilet paper but I’m trying to flirt with the cashier) oh it’s not for me haha
Siri how to indicate to my sleep paralysis demon that I’m open to things getting sexual between us
November 7, 2025 at 1:49 AM
Siri how to indicate to my sleep paralysis demon that I’m open to things getting sexual between us
Most people agree that shrimp will rule the world in the distant future, but very few agree on how to feel about that
November 6, 2025 at 12:13 AM
Most people agree that shrimp will rule the world in the distant future, but very few agree on how to feel about that
My nips are rock hard for an amazing reason
November 5, 2025 at 3:58 AM
My nips are rock hard for an amazing reason
Is there a Balls Cheney?
November 4, 2025 at 9:21 PM
Is there a Balls Cheney?
(Spinning my balls around as far as possible and then letting them go and watching them unwind at an incredible speed) can anyone explain this?
November 4, 2025 at 1:13 AM
(Spinning my balls around as far as possible and then letting them go and watching them unwind at an incredible speed) can anyone explain this?