Pinned
Crab Man
@crabman.bsky.social
· Feb 4
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Police Detective: I'm gonna ask you one last time, and I expect you to answer me! Where were you on the night of August 9th?
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
November 27, 2025 at 2:44 AM
Police Detective: I'm gonna ask you one last time, and I expect you to answer me! Where were you on the night of August 9th?
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Mime: I keep telling you, I didn't see anything! I wasn't even there!
Reposted by Crab Man
As far back as i can remember I always wanted to be president of an HOA. To me, Being president of an HOA was better than being President of the United States
November 27, 2025 at 12:07 AM
As far back as i can remember I always wanted to be president of an HOA. To me, Being president of an HOA was better than being President of the United States
Reposted by Crab Man
Everybody knows it's chips for dinner on the night before the Thanksgiving feast
November 26, 2025 at 10:39 PM
Everybody knows it's chips for dinner on the night before the Thanksgiving feast
I just came up with an amazing twist to add into the greatest post of all time.
November 26, 2025 at 9:54 PM
I just came up with an amazing twist to add into the greatest post of all time.
Shout out to some of you. Feel free to @ someone and link this post to them if you want it to feel like I'm shouting them out.
November 26, 2025 at 9:25 PM
Shout out to some of you. Feel free to @ someone and link this post to them if you want it to feel like I'm shouting them out.
Reposted by Crab Man
door dash guy pulled up with one billion women all partying in his car and he just keeps waving his bottle of ciroc at me and yelling "WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" while thousands of babes perpetually cascade out of his windows
November 26, 2025 at 9:17 PM
door dash guy pulled up with one billion women all partying in his car and he just keeps waving his bottle of ciroc at me and yelling "WOOOOO! WOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" while thousands of babes perpetually cascade out of his windows
Reposted by Crab Man
OPegbeimer drinkgin a water: I am become hyderated, drinker of waters
November 26, 2025 at 8:22 PM
OPegbeimer drinkgin a water: I am become hyderated, drinker of waters
(Drinking a water) I've become insanely hydrated just now.
November 26, 2025 at 8:20 PM
(Drinking a water) I've become insanely hydrated just now.
Reposted by Crab Man
you hate to see a phlegmatic hustler
November 26, 2025 at 8:01 AM
you hate to see a phlegmatic hustler
Reposted by Crab Man
im seeing a lot of noise on the tl about some sort of 'greatest post of all time'? Conflicting reports but my advice: get in on the ground floor on this one. This has been gosh's money moment
November 26, 2025 at 7:52 AM
im seeing a lot of noise on the tl about some sort of 'greatest post of all time'? Conflicting reports but my advice: get in on the ground floor on this one. This has been gosh's money moment
Reposted by Crab Man
The greatest post of all time is coming soon to a theater near you...
November 26, 2025 at 7:48 AM
The greatest post of all time is coming soon to a theater near you...
Reposted by Crab Man
According to science the person who will write the greatest post of all time is already alive today
November 26, 2025 at 7:47 AM
According to science the person who will write the greatest post of all time is already alive today
Mark the date. I'm excited to announce that @crabman.bsky.social and @snakeroot.bsky.social will be collaborating to create the greatest post of all time.
I'm thinking about writing the greatest post of all time.
November 26, 2025 at 7:46 AM
Mark the date. I'm excited to announce that @crabman.bsky.social and @snakeroot.bsky.social will be collaborating to create the greatest post of all time.
I'm thinking about writing the greatest post of all time.
November 26, 2025 at 7:42 AM
I'm thinking about writing the greatest post of all time.
Reposted by Crab Man
evil people.... not cool
November 26, 2025 at 7:13 AM
evil people.... not cool
Now watching. I hope you all are excited, it's almost #DeathAngelDecember
November 26, 2025 at 6:41 AM
Now watching. I hope you all are excited, it's almost #DeathAngelDecember
New idea: tooth-factor authentication. It checks your dental records to sign on.
November 26, 2025 at 4:27 AM
New idea: tooth-factor authentication. It checks your dental records to sign on.
Reposted by Crab Man
everything's in the right place - radio head
November 26, 2025 at 1:28 AM
everything's in the right place - radio head
I should be able to annul way more shit.
November 25, 2025 at 8:17 PM
I should be able to annul way more shit.
Music recommendation: check out Plan 76 by The Orchestra (For Now) these guys are going places
November 25, 2025 at 7:14 PM
Music recommendation: check out Plan 76 by The Orchestra (For Now) these guys are going places
Reposted by Crab Man
I love to hear or read different ideas and stories!!!!
November 25, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I love to hear or read different ideas and stories!!!!
I do not think I should be getting attacked by a hawk in my own home. At the very least not with the frequency it has been happening as of late.
November 25, 2025 at 5:10 PM
I do not think I should be getting attacked by a hawk in my own home. At the very least not with the frequency it has been happening as of late.
There are groceries everywhere for those with the eyes to see them.
November 25, 2025 at 5:03 PM
There are groceries everywhere for those with the eyes to see them.
Reposted by Crab Man
saving my own post and then being like "omggg who saved this"
November 25, 2025 at 4:02 AM
saving my own post and then being like "omggg who saved this"
Crab Man stocks are at their lowest in almost 2 years. However there is some hope from investors that an iconic bit may finally be dropping.
November 25, 2025 at 11:31 AM
Crab Man stocks are at their lowest in almost 2 years. However there is some hope from investors that an iconic bit may finally be dropping.