Dan Telfer
@dantelfer.com
Stand-up Comic / Nerd Poker podcast’s Dungeon Master / Voice Over Person / former MAD Magazine & The Onion editor / currently writing games & scripts
dantelfer.com
dantelfer.com
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Reposted by Dan Telfer
At last night’s candlelight vigil for Renee Nicole Good, Bishop Rob Hirschfeld of the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire announced he had asked the clergy of the diocese to get their affairs in order and to make sure they have their wills written ...,
January 11, 2026 at 12:48 AM
At last night’s candlelight vigil for Renee Nicole Good, Bishop Rob Hirschfeld of the Episcopal Diocese of New Hampshire announced he had asked the clergy of the diocese to get their affairs in order and to make sure they have their wills written ...,
My sympathies to everyone else who’ll still be on the Raya waitlist when Western Civilization collapses
January 11, 2026 at 2:07 AM
My sympathies to everyone else who’ll still be on the Raya waitlist when Western Civilization collapses
Would you like to see more or less of these useless notifications you never asked for?
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
January 9, 2026 at 10:25 PM
Would you like to see more or less of these useless notifications you never asked for?
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
[ ] More [ X ] Less
Great! We will now send them constantly, which will gaslight you into thinking it could somehow be worse! 💕
dating has gotten so hard lately! these days the only attractive quality a person can have is overthrowing the government
January 8, 2026 at 9:54 PM
dating has gotten so hard lately! these days the only attractive quality a person can have is overthrowing the government
January, aka Let’s Actually NOT Circle Back Month
January 7, 2026 at 12:40 AM
January, aka Let’s Actually NOT Circle Back Month
Y’know, Stranger Things, I can buy that there was a secret government program to give children telekinesis in the 80’s.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
January 5, 2026 at 8:47 AM
Y’know, Stranger Things, I can buy that there was a secret government program to give children telekinesis in the 80’s.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
But a wealth of trauma terminology that would require The Body Keeps The Score to be written in the 80’s? Zero fuckin’ chance.
As more and more friends and family become unhoused and starve, despite working 80 hour weeks, every media source will say it isn’t actually happening.
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
January 4, 2026 at 4:21 AM
As more and more friends and family become unhoused and starve, despite working 80 hour weeks, every media source will say it isn’t actually happening.
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
Everyone is just waiting for this to blow over. As if hell can blow over.
How many people will we lose before someone does what needs to be done?
You can really tell how wealthy and insulated someone is by their continued shock and surprise at what is happening
January 3, 2026 at 5:23 PM
You can really tell how wealthy and insulated someone is by their continued shock and surprise at what is happening
Going live on Twitch for a late run of Arc Raiders shortly! Come watch? I’ll link when live!
January 2, 2026 at 6:50 AM
Going live on Twitch for a late run of Arc Raiders shortly! Come watch? I’ll link when live!
My favorite part of performing comedy for over 25 years is people never stop asking “do you still do comedy?!?” as if there are only two gears— flailing open micer everyone hears about, and flailing billionaire everyone hears about
January 1, 2026 at 12:43 AM
My favorite part of performing comedy for over 25 years is people never stop asking “do you still do comedy?!?” as if there are only two gears— flailing open micer everyone hears about, and flailing billionaire everyone hears about
I guess all bananas are Gen Z now since they all go right from being green to withering and dying
December 31, 2025 at 8:24 PM
I guess all bananas are Gen Z now since they all go right from being green to withering and dying
I love the moment in Rings of Power where a young Sauron is at the forge of Eregion with Celebrimbor, and he says—
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
December 29, 2025 at 5:43 AM
I love the moment in Rings of Power where a young Sauron is at the forge of Eregion with Celebrimbor, and he says—
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
“Looks like I’m—“
*stares directly into the camera*
“— the LORD of the RINGS.”
Which cues Thin Lizzy’s The Boys Are Back in Town, because of course Amazon can afford to license it.
Reposted by Dan Telfer
Merry Christmas to people with strained families, shitty families, or no family at all. I promise you there are so many of us who are struggling to get through these days, as best we can, and that's enough. You are not alone.❤️
December 25, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Merry Christmas to people with strained families, shitty families, or no family at all. I promise you there are so many of us who are struggling to get through these days, as best we can, and that's enough. You are not alone.❤️
Getting back on dating apps and adding “Kpop Demon Hunters ONLY” to my bio
December 26, 2025 at 1:01 AM
Getting back on dating apps and adding “Kpop Demon Hunters ONLY” to my bio
Going on 3 years since I had enough money to not work every day Christmas week. Y’all being like “just take the week off” — you are not allowed to tell someone that unless you Venmo them $1500
December 24, 2025 at 6:24 AM
Going on 3 years since I had enough money to not work every day Christmas week. Y’all being like “just take the week off” — you are not allowed to tell someone that unless you Venmo them $1500
Having a friend show you their A.I. art is like when a friend forces you to listen to a bad song they wrote.
On an 3.4 string guitar.
With lyrics in three languages, one of them gibberish.
And instead of one friend at a party once in a blue moon, it’s many friends out of nowhere every day.
On an 3.4 string guitar.
With lyrics in three languages, one of them gibberish.
And instead of one friend at a party once in a blue moon, it’s many friends out of nowhere every day.
December 22, 2025 at 10:02 PM
Having a friend show you their A.I. art is like when a friend forces you to listen to a bad song they wrote.
On an 3.4 string guitar.
With lyrics in three languages, one of them gibberish.
And instead of one friend at a party once in a blue moon, it’s many friends out of nowhere every day.
On an 3.4 string guitar.
With lyrics in three languages, one of them gibberish.
And instead of one friend at a party once in a blue moon, it’s many friends out of nowhere every day.
I wonder when everyone will realize— these “bathroom violations” that conservatives project onto trans people?
It was all a complete, obvious con. Conservatives gave themselves a moralistic excuse to violate you in the bathroom.
They’re essentially the only people doing it.
An ABUNDANCE of it.
It was all a complete, obvious con. Conservatives gave themselves a moralistic excuse to violate you in the bathroom.
They’re essentially the only people doing it.
An ABUNDANCE of it.
December 20, 2025 at 9:30 PM
I wonder when everyone will realize— these “bathroom violations” that conservatives project onto trans people?
It was all a complete, obvious con. Conservatives gave themselves a moralistic excuse to violate you in the bathroom.
They’re essentially the only people doing it.
An ABUNDANCE of it.
It was all a complete, obvious con. Conservatives gave themselves a moralistic excuse to violate you in the bathroom.
They’re essentially the only people doing it.
An ABUNDANCE of it.
I keep getting into self-care authors who, one day, are like
"I'm hosting a retreat for women ONLY! All my self-care and healing routines have only ever been for WOMEN. If you are not a woman, what the FUCK are you doing enjoying MY work? Get out of our safe space, OGRE. The age of MAN has ENDED."
"I'm hosting a retreat for women ONLY! All my self-care and healing routines have only ever been for WOMEN. If you are not a woman, what the FUCK are you doing enjoying MY work? Get out of our safe space, OGRE. The age of MAN has ENDED."
December 16, 2025 at 5:16 PM
I keep getting into self-care authors who, one day, are like
"I'm hosting a retreat for women ONLY! All my self-care and healing routines have only ever been for WOMEN. If you are not a woman, what the FUCK are you doing enjoying MY work? Get out of our safe space, OGRE. The age of MAN has ENDED."
"I'm hosting a retreat for women ONLY! All my self-care and healing routines have only ever been for WOMEN. If you are not a woman, what the FUCK are you doing enjoying MY work? Get out of our safe space, OGRE. The age of MAN has ENDED."
Timothée Chalamet is… Sassy Paddle Boy
December 16, 2025 at 6:40 AM
Timothée Chalamet is… Sassy Paddle Boy
Tarantino talks a lot of shit for someone who runs a movie theater better than he can make a movie
December 10, 2025 at 10:03 PM
Tarantino talks a lot of shit for someone who runs a movie theater better than he can make a movie
get someone who looks at you the way Hayley Williams looks at Mirtazapine
December 9, 2025 at 6:32 AM
get someone who looks at you the way Hayley Williams looks at Mirtazapine
I’ve been in love twice, and let me tell you firsthand, it’s predictable and overrated.
“Maybe you’re the common element in these disasters, Dan!”
Ew! I already go to therapy to have someone tell me that!
“Maybe you’re the common element in these disasters, Dan!”
Ew! I already go to therapy to have someone tell me that!
December 8, 2025 at 8:29 PM
I’ve been in love twice, and let me tell you firsthand, it’s predictable and overrated.
“Maybe you’re the common element in these disasters, Dan!”
Ew! I already go to therapy to have someone tell me that!
“Maybe you’re the common element in these disasters, Dan!”
Ew! I already go to therapy to have someone tell me that!
I hope The Devil Wears Prada 2 is just about how ugly this iOS update is
December 8, 2025 at 8:25 PM
I hope The Devil Wears Prada 2 is just about how ugly this iOS update is
I just want to be good enough to pretend everything is okay
December 7, 2025 at 10:44 PM
I just want to be good enough to pretend everything is okay
please do not remove card REMOVE CARD OH GOD HURRY OR YOU WILL DIE
December 7, 2025 at 12:35 AM
please do not remove card REMOVE CARD OH GOD HURRY OR YOU WILL DIE