Bee™️
@haillemmy.bsky.social
Pinned
Bee™️
@haillemmy.bsky.social
· Jul 18
Chapter 5: The Baboon Job
Mwanza Tanzania 2009
b-e-jacobssen.medium.com
I promised that you would all eventually get to read the story of how I stole a monkey for a man.
Well...
Here it is.
The Baboon Job.
b-e-jacobssen.medium.com/chapter-5-th...
Well...
Here it is.
The Baboon Job.
b-e-jacobssen.medium.com/chapter-5-th...
The current crop of elected Democrats are the kinds of people who will fuck you in the ass and then complain that they've got shit on their dicks.
November 10, 2025 at 3:06 AM
The current crop of elected Democrats are the kinds of people who will fuck you in the ass and then complain that they've got shit on their dicks.
I'm almost positive that I just heard Tony Romo say, on a national broadcast, that the Patriots are, and I quote, "DTF"
a close up of a man 's face with a blurred background
ALT: a close up of a man 's face with a blurred background
media.tenor.com
November 9, 2025 at 7:03 PM
I'm almost positive that I just heard Tony Romo say, on a national broadcast, that the Patriots are, and I quote, "DTF"
I am a simple creature.
November 9, 2025 at 2:07 AM
I am a simple creature.
Any and all Boston/Massachusetts accents done by a non-native.
Name the worst movie/TV accents.
November 8, 2025 at 1:50 AM
Any and all Boston/Massachusetts accents done by a non-native.
I think he’s got a genuinely encyclopedic appreciation for the vast, terrifying possibilities of alien genital architecture.
But show him anything above a B-cup and he starts acting like it’s a zoning violation.
Deep down he’s a “more than a mouthful is a waste” kind of guy.
But show him anything above a B-cup and he starts acting like it’s a zoning violation.
Deep down he’s a “more than a mouthful is a waste” kind of guy.
I need to know Mamdani's opinion of Alf's Succulent Hog and Tom Bombadil's Big Naturals, now.
This labeller never misses
November 5, 2025 at 11:11 PM
I think he’s got a genuinely encyclopedic appreciation for the vast, terrifying possibilities of alien genital architecture.
But show him anything above a B-cup and he starts acting like it’s a zoning violation.
Deep down he’s a “more than a mouthful is a waste” kind of guy.
But show him anything above a B-cup and he starts acting like it’s a zoning violation.
Deep down he’s a “more than a mouthful is a waste” kind of guy.
Stargate & Veep.
Name movie or tv universes that aren’t connected but should be.
November 4, 2025 at 11:46 AM
Stargate & Veep.
Reposted by Bee™️
Pre-birthday libations.
Here’s to 45 trips around the sun.
Here’s to 45 trips around the sun.
November 2, 2025 at 10:33 PM
Pre-birthday libations.
Here’s to 45 trips around the sun.
Here’s to 45 trips around the sun.
I’m such a slut for cherry flavored things.
I hate how much I like this.
I hate how much I like this.
November 1, 2025 at 10:49 PM
I’m such a slut for cherry flavored things.
I hate how much I like this.
I hate how much I like this.
November 1, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Stealing a line from Carlin:
JD Vance is concrete proof that not every ejaculation deserves a name.
JD Vance is concrete proof that not every ejaculation deserves a name.
Vance says it is "totally reasonable and acceptable" for people to not want to live next door to people who speak a different language than they do
October 29, 2025 at 5:13 PM
Stealing a line from Carlin:
JD Vance is concrete proof that not every ejaculation deserves a name.
JD Vance is concrete proof that not every ejaculation deserves a name.
Truckload of monkeys on the loose?
Just a reminder that some of us didn’t learn about monkey containment from books. We learned it in the field, under duress, with a dart gun, a drunk Russian, and a healthy fear of eye contact.
Good luck out there, rookies.
Just a reminder that some of us didn’t learn about monkey containment from books. We learned it in the field, under duress, with a dart gun, a drunk Russian, and a healthy fear of eye contact.
Good luck out there, rookies.
October 28, 2025 at 8:52 PM
Truckload of monkeys on the loose?
Just a reminder that some of us didn’t learn about monkey containment from books. We learned it in the field, under duress, with a dart gun, a drunk Russian, and a healthy fear of eye contact.
Good luck out there, rookies.
Just a reminder that some of us didn’t learn about monkey containment from books. We learned it in the field, under duress, with a dart gun, a drunk Russian, and a healthy fear of eye contact.
Good luck out there, rookies.
“What do you mean I can’t have any bacon?”
October 26, 2025 at 5:57 PM
“What do you mean I can’t have any bacon?”
I am, at this very moment, seriously intoxicated at a Halloween party somewhere deep in the wilds of San Diego.
I’m wearing an avocado costume and have acquired a sword.
I am drunk with power and am on my way to raise an army from the children in attendance.
I’m wearing an avocado costume and have acquired a sword.
I am drunk with power and am on my way to raise an army from the children in attendance.
October 26, 2025 at 2:33 AM
I am, at this very moment, seriously intoxicated at a Halloween party somewhere deep in the wilds of San Diego.
I’m wearing an avocado costume and have acquired a sword.
I am drunk with power and am on my way to raise an army from the children in attendance.
I’m wearing an avocado costume and have acquired a sword.
I am drunk with power and am on my way to raise an army from the children in attendance.
My uncle was a gangster. Not the “vaguely connected” kind.
The “actively ruining Thanksgivings with FBI surveillance vans” kind.
He also happened to be present at the first mob initiation ceremony ever caught on tape by the FBI.
Legend.
The “actively ruining Thanksgivings with FBI surveillance vans” kind.
He also happened to be present at the first mob initiation ceremony ever caught on tape by the FBI.
Legend.
October 25, 2025 at 3:30 PM
My uncle was a gangster. Not the “vaguely connected” kind.
The “actively ruining Thanksgivings with FBI surveillance vans” kind.
He also happened to be present at the first mob initiation ceremony ever caught on tape by the FBI.
Legend.
The “actively ruining Thanksgivings with FBI surveillance vans” kind.
He also happened to be present at the first mob initiation ceremony ever caught on tape by the FBI.
Legend.
It doesn’t matter where I am, I’ll find phở.
October 24, 2025 at 10:25 PM
It doesn’t matter where I am, I’ll find phở.
To the guy next to me on this flight who just leaned over to *smell* me:
Sir, your wife is sitting across the aisle.
Do you really think I won’t say something to her?
And before you ask, yes, it was in a lecherous manner.
Sir, your wife is sitting across the aisle.
Do you really think I won’t say something to her?
And before you ask, yes, it was in a lecherous manner.
October 24, 2025 at 4:10 PM
To the guy next to me on this flight who just leaned over to *smell* me:
Sir, your wife is sitting across the aisle.
Do you really think I won’t say something to her?
And before you ask, yes, it was in a lecherous manner.
Sir, your wife is sitting across the aisle.
Do you really think I won’t say something to her?
And before you ask, yes, it was in a lecherous manner.
Reposted by Bee™️
The German company that makes the mechanical ladder used in the Louvre heist has used the image to advertise, with the text 'When you need to move fast'
10/10 response, no notes
10/10 response, no notes
October 24, 2025 at 8:27 AM
The German company that makes the mechanical ladder used in the Louvre heist has used the image to advertise, with the text 'When you need to move fast'
10/10 response, no notes
10/10 response, no notes
This counts as breakfast.
I don’t make the rules.
I don’t make the rules.
October 24, 2025 at 12:25 PM
This counts as breakfast.
I don’t make the rules.
I don’t make the rules.
Can the AI copy take over for me so that I can get off this fuckin' rock?
“For more than a decade, researchers have wondered whether artificial intelligence could help predict what incapacitated patients might want when doctors must make life-or-death decisions on their behalf.”
Should an AI copy of you help decide if you live or die?
Doctors share top concerns of AI surrogates aiding life-or-death decisions.
arstechnica.com
October 20, 2025 at 8:51 PM
Can the AI copy take over for me so that I can get off this fuckin' rock?
Who robbed the Louvre, right answers only.
(FWIW, they'd never catch me if I did...)
(FWIW, they'd never catch me if I did...)
October 19, 2025 at 10:34 PM
Who robbed the Louvre, right answers only.
(FWIW, they'd never catch me if I did...)
(FWIW, they'd never catch me if I did...)
To the woman silently judging me in the Market Basket parking lot while I ate mini Snickers and dill pickles in my car like it was my last meal on Earth:
You’re lucky I was wearing pants.
AND
Mind your fucking business.
You’re lucky I was wearing pants.
AND
Mind your fucking business.
October 19, 2025 at 3:44 PM
To the woman silently judging me in the Market Basket parking lot while I ate mini Snickers and dill pickles in my car like it was my last meal on Earth:
You’re lucky I was wearing pants.
AND
Mind your fucking business.
You’re lucky I was wearing pants.
AND
Mind your fucking business.
The fuck it is.
The last person I dated put her hands on me in broad daylight, in public.
I ain’t never forgiving that shit.
I hope she chokes.
The last person I dated put her hands on me in broad daylight, in public.
I ain’t never forgiving that shit.
I hope she chokes.
October 17, 2025 at 4:24 PM
The fuck it is.
The last person I dated put her hands on me in broad daylight, in public.
I ain’t never forgiving that shit.
I hope she chokes.
The last person I dated put her hands on me in broad daylight, in public.
I ain’t never forgiving that shit.
I hope she chokes.
This is the only reason why I’ve made it this far in life.
Find smart people, latch on, and ask “why?” as nauseam like the worlds most annoying five year old.
Find smart people, latch on, and ask “why?” as nauseam like the worlds most annoying five year old.
One of the best things you can do for yourself is be friends with people who know a hell of a lot more about certain stuff than you do
October 16, 2025 at 10:32 PM
This is the only reason why I’ve made it this far in life.
Find smart people, latch on, and ask “why?” as nauseam like the worlds most annoying five year old.
Find smart people, latch on, and ask “why?” as nauseam like the worlds most annoying five year old.
