Hazel E. Baumgartner, Author of "The Woods"
@hazelebaumgartner.bsky.social
Artist, author, musician, witch, and Hot Wheels collector. I make music under the name Hazel Bee and write books under the name Hazel E. Baumgartner, which is also my name.
30, she/they, 99% lesbian, USA 🇺🇸🏳️🌈
Buy my book: https://a.co/d/6Aanpc7
30, she/they, 99% lesbian, USA 🇺🇸🏳️🌈
Buy my book: https://a.co/d/6Aanpc7
Pinned
My pinned post disappeared again so HI! If you like gorey monster stories, suspenseful mysteries, supernatural thrillers, cryptid horror, and books where the killer in the woods is a metaphor for grief, you should check out my debut novel, "The Woods: A Horror Novel", out now!
a.co/d/6dTmubc
a.co/d/6dTmubc
How to spot an author's keyboard.
Most worn out keys are E, H, N, M, right shift, and space.
Most worn out keys are E, H, N, M, right shift, and space.
February 4, 2026 at 6:58 AM
How to spot an author's keyboard.
Most worn out keys are E, H, N, M, right shift, and space.
Most worn out keys are E, H, N, M, right shift, and space.
We don't want common sense reform to ICE. We want the whole agency done away with and it's former members prosecuted for crimes against humanity. And repeal the PATRIOT Act while you're at it. If you can't get that done, step down and let someone born after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 try.
February 4, 2026 at 5:42 AM
We don't want common sense reform to ICE. We want the whole agency done away with and it's former members prosecuted for crimes against humanity. And repeal the PATRIOT Act while you're at it. If you can't get that done, step down and let someone born after the Civil Rights Act of 1964 try.
Reposted by Hazel E. Baumgartner, Author of "The Woods"
"The Woods" is broken up into three parts set in 1993, 2002, and 2020. Originally, it was just going to be the 1993 bits and then the later bits came to me later.
February 4, 2026 at 5:33 AM
"The Woods" is broken up into three parts set in 1993, 2002, and 2020. Originally, it was just going to be the 1993 bits and then the later bits came to me later.
That part of the story just didn't exist yet lol
February 4, 2026 at 5:32 AM
That part of the story just didn't exist yet lol
I'm disgusted, yet intrigued.
February 4, 2026 at 2:53 AM
I'm disgusted, yet intrigued.
Just realized I have two more books to go before I'm officially halfway through reading all 41 #Discworld novels 🥲
Reading slightly out of order so I've read TCOM thru Small Gods, Hogfather, and the 5 Tiffany Aching books. Next up is Lords and Ladies, then halfway thru Men At Arms is the 1/2 point.
Reading slightly out of order so I've read TCOM thru Small Gods, Hogfather, and the 5 Tiffany Aching books. Next up is Lords and Ladies, then halfway thru Men At Arms is the 1/2 point.
February 4, 2026 at 2:53 AM
Just realized I have two more books to go before I'm officially halfway through reading all 41 #Discworld novels 🥲
Reading slightly out of order so I've read TCOM thru Small Gods, Hogfather, and the 5 Tiffany Aching books. Next up is Lords and Ladies, then halfway thru Men At Arms is the 1/2 point.
Reading slightly out of order so I've read TCOM thru Small Gods, Hogfather, and the 5 Tiffany Aching books. Next up is Lords and Ladies, then halfway thru Men At Arms is the 1/2 point.
I have this very crude sketch that I did of the Carlini Property from "The Woods" just so I'd know where everything was in relation to each other. It's also from so early on that there's no hunting cabin despite a significant portion of the final novel happening there.
February 4, 2026 at 1:23 AM
I have this very crude sketch that I did of the Carlini Property from "The Woods" just so I'd know where everything was in relation to each other. It's also from so early on that there's no hunting cabin despite a significant portion of the final novel happening there.
Hopefully October of this year 👀
February 4, 2026 at 1:17 AM
Hopefully October of this year 👀
Not NEARLY pumpkin shaped enough. Trump isn't just fat, he's rotund. Also a lot older and grosser than that.
(image cw: a gross old pedophile staring at a much younger woman that I'm pretty sure he's related to)
(image cw: a gross old pedophile staring at a much younger woman that I'm pretty sure he's related to)
February 4, 2026 at 1:17 AM
Not NEARLY pumpkin shaped enough. Trump isn't just fat, he's rotund. Also a lot older and grosser than that.
(image cw: a gross old pedophile staring at a much younger woman that I'm pretty sure he's related to)
(image cw: a gross old pedophile staring at a much younger woman that I'm pretty sure he's related to)
You: "Describe your WIP in the worst way possible."
Me: "Two lesbians overcome their evil ex girlfriend through the power of old ladies."
Me: "Two lesbians overcome their evil ex girlfriend through the power of old ladies."
You: "Describe your WIP in the worst way possible."
Me: A middle aged, chubster, former real estate agent guy wins the heart of a dragon princess through the power of baking.
You: ...
Me: Also, there are blow jobs.
You: <walking away>
Me: A middle aged, chubster, former real estate agent guy wins the heart of a dragon princess through the power of baking.
You: ...
Me: Also, there are blow jobs.
You: <walking away>
You: "Describe your WIP in the worst way possible."
Me: "A snarky asshole becomes Papa Smurf to a bunch of dumbass demons and Gargamel (Metatron) and his cat (Satan) try to sell their home to a dude who needs him to out-smurf his bosses.
You: "God has abandoned us."
Me: "Damn right."
#WriteSky
Me: "A snarky asshole becomes Papa Smurf to a bunch of dumbass demons and Gargamel (Metatron) and his cat (Satan) try to sell their home to a dude who needs him to out-smurf his bosses.
You: "God has abandoned us."
Me: "Damn right."
#WriteSky
February 4, 2026 at 1:03 AM
You: "Describe your WIP in the worst way possible."
Me: "Two lesbians overcome their evil ex girlfriend through the power of old ladies."
Me: "Two lesbians overcome their evil ex girlfriend through the power of old ladies."
Reposted by Hazel E. Baumgartner, Author of "The Woods"
All the magic in #Heliruna comes from an ancient curse. A group of women were accused of being witches and expelled from their homeland, so an actual witch took pity on them and granted their bloodline unnaturally long life and foresight, among other things, known as "The Cunning". #Febchantment
#Febchantment Day 3
What is the central concept of your magic system? E.g. Elemental magic? Music magic? Name-based magic? Something else? (Note: this isn't the "source" of magic - that's Day 8!)
If you already answered this previously, feel free to go into more detail!
#writingcommunity #writesky
What is the central concept of your magic system? E.g. Elemental magic? Music magic? Name-based magic? Something else? (Note: this isn't the "source" of magic - that's Day 8!)
If you already answered this previously, feel free to go into more detail!
#writingcommunity #writesky
February 3, 2026 at 8:44 PM
All the magic in #Heliruna comes from an ancient curse. A group of women were accused of being witches and expelled from their homeland, so an actual witch took pity on them and granted their bloodline unnaturally long life and foresight, among other things, known as "The Cunning". #Febchantment
The one and only Kari Byron. And I still have a crush on her at 30.
February 3, 2026 at 8:37 PM
The one and only Kari Byron. And I still have a crush on her at 30.
I also have a subreddit over at reddit.com/r/hazelebaumgartner, though it's not nearly as active.
hazelebaumgartner
A subreddit for discussing the author Hazel E. Baumgartner and her works.
Hazel E. Baumgartner is the author of "The Woods: A Horror Novel" and several short stories. She also makes music under the ...
reddit.com
February 3, 2026 at 8:17 PM
I also have a subreddit over at reddit.com/r/hazelebaumgartner, though it's not nearly as active.
My Discord horror server turned one year old the other day. Neat.
Horror writers and fans join here:
discord.gg/gc5rYvjXhu
Horror writers and fans join here:
discord.gg/gc5rYvjXhu
Join the Hazel E. Baumgartner's Cryptid Club Discord Server!
Official fanclub for Hazel E. Baumgartner's horror novels, plus just horror in general. If it's spoopy, it goes here. Double check server rules and don't be a jerk. | 56 members
discord.gg
February 3, 2026 at 8:16 PM
My Discord horror server turned one year old the other day. Neat.
Horror writers and fans join here:
discord.gg/gc5rYvjXhu
Horror writers and fans join here:
discord.gg/gc5rYvjXhu
You know what beloved author who wrote a whole series about witches isn't on the list?
February 3, 2026 at 6:54 PM
You know what beloved author who wrote a whole series about witches isn't on the list?
Reposted by Hazel E. Baumgartner, Author of "The Woods"
Harry Potter fan in 2026: yes the author is a Nazi with ties to Jeffrey Epstein but I don't see any of that when I buy my annual wand at the Wizarding World in Florida
February 1, 2026 at 7:50 PM
Harry Potter fan in 2026: yes the author is a Nazi with ties to Jeffrey Epstein but I don't see any of that when I buy my annual wand at the Wizarding World in Florida
Reposted by Hazel E. Baumgartner, Author of "The Woods"
Okay, so:
Wherefore = why. Wherefore didst thou eat that spider?
Wherefore 2.0 = therefore. He eateth spiders, wherefore I doubt him.
Whither = where you’re going. Whither flee the spiders?
Whence = where you came from. Whence cometh this swarm of flies?
Know your wheres, my spiderlings.
Wherefore = why. Wherefore didst thou eat that spider?
Wherefore 2.0 = therefore. He eateth spiders, wherefore I doubt him.
Whither = where you’re going. Whither flee the spiders?
Whence = where you came from. Whence cometh this swarm of flies?
Know your wheres, my spiderlings.
February 3, 2026 at 6:37 PM
Okay, so:
Wherefore = why. Wherefore didst thou eat that spider?
Wherefore 2.0 = therefore. He eateth spiders, wherefore I doubt him.
Whither = where you’re going. Whither flee the spiders?
Whence = where you came from. Whence cometh this swarm of flies?
Know your wheres, my spiderlings.
Wherefore = why. Wherefore didst thou eat that spider?
Wherefore 2.0 = therefore. He eateth spiders, wherefore I doubt him.
Whither = where you’re going. Whither flee the spiders?
Whence = where you came from. Whence cometh this swarm of flies?
Know your wheres, my spiderlings.
Party of family values.
But also I had the same thought watching this clip. I hope this guy serves hard time, but I know they'll probably recruit him to ICE instead.
But also I had the same thought watching this clip. I hope this guy serves hard time, but I know they'll probably recruit him to ICE instead.
February 3, 2026 at 6:47 PM
Party of family values.
But also I had the same thought watching this clip. I hope this guy serves hard time, but I know they'll probably recruit him to ICE instead.
But also I had the same thought watching this clip. I hope this guy serves hard time, but I know they'll probably recruit him to ICE instead.
If you want a woman, be less like Andrew Tate and more like Samwise Gamgee. Kind, compassionate, emotionally available, and fond of cooking good food. It's literally that easy.
February 3, 2026 at 6:44 PM
If you want a woman, be less like Andrew Tate and more like Samwise Gamgee. Kind, compassionate, emotionally available, and fond of cooking good food. It's literally that easy.
I literally just saw a post that I didn't save but I'm gonna try to recreate it. One picture is what men think women want. The other picture is what women really want. That is the root of the problem.
February 3, 2026 at 6:44 PM
I literally just saw a post that I didn't save but I'm gonna try to recreate it. One picture is what men think women want. The other picture is what women really want. That is the root of the problem.
Party of family values, everyone.
February 3, 2026 at 6:32 PM
Party of family values, everyone.
JK Rowling being in the Epstein Files is somehow not surprising to me at all.
if you live in the UK you might get sued if you say it
if you live everywhere else, lol JK straight up in direct contact with the kiddy diddling ring
if you live everywhere else, lol JK straight up in direct contact with the kiddy diddling ring
🤔 It’s definitely not suspicious at all to have people point out your common Twitter sign off is in the Epstein files and ten completely delete your yacht’s logs right?
February 3, 2026 at 5:38 PM
JK Rowling being in the Epstein Files is somehow not surprising to me at all.