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Johannes T. Evans

@johannestevans.bsky.social

2.6K followers 460 following 5K posts

gay dandy. white & welsh. he/him. 18+. check pinned for fantasy fiction, queer romance, and erotica. cymru am byth. my website: https://johannestevans.co.uk/

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · Dec 2

New pinned thread for keeping track of my work!

General links in this tweet, look in the replies for ThreadFic posted here on Bluesky!

Buy my books on Amazon: www.amazon.co.uk/stores/Johan...

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 3h

I love how safe derek makes penelope garcia feel and how she leans into him and like. Acts a bit like a damsel in distress sometimes and plays it up specifically so morgan will fuss over her and shield her and coo over her and he WIIIIIILL bc he loves to dote on her

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Reposted by Johannes T. Evans

Christ Cooper is God’s Favorite @christcooper.bsky.social · 4h

i never root for the straights but penelope and derek were meant for each other and as much as i love a good platonic romance and wish platonic relationships were prioritized more in entertainment, we all know why they never got the shot they deserved 😤

Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

This really annoyed me in blue bloods the other day, and at least in criminal minds it's that penny garcia sees a red flag but derek is actually keen to assure her that she's desirable even though the show itself does penelope so fucking dirty and never lets her and derek properly get together

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

I WAS JUST ABOUT to make a post exactly to this effect, derek and penelope are THE ship that deserves canon treatment in criminal minds, and i say that as a diehard man for hotchreid fucking and sucking

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

But it's just so noticeable in the way these fuckin people write their shows and how they think, and this as a recurring trope really irritates me

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

Bc they're super reactionary and conservative but they're still just so fuckin misogynistic first that they're just so incredibly entitled to women as sexual objects and don't want to put "ugly" women on tv for no reason

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

And it's like. It's always specifically a very pretty blonde blue-eyed white girl as well, she's just also fat, so the show is like can you imagiiiiiine, how crazyyyyyyy it would be if a MAN had SEX with this ATTRACTIVE woman who is FAT?

Meanwhile any man can be dating any attractive woman

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

A frustrating thing about cop shows being reactionary and conservative is sometimes shows will be like. A fat girl gets a date with an attractive man, and the cops will be like "what's wrong with this picture?" and then the show will prove them right bc the man is gay or a murderer or something

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

Unfortunately i just called her to help me with a cockroach that was mostly in the crevice around the fridge's awful cupboard and so she was keen to help me and ease my distress but had no idea where the fuck i wanted her or what she was meant to be helping with, and the cockroach eluded capture

Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 4h

It's not like she's a trained hunting dog but myrtle does seem to have a decent understanding that

a) we require her for a task and

b) that it's somewhat urgent

when we call her to deal with a bug

Lorenzo summoned her and she swiftly dispatched a large spider for him the other day

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

But for Reid, it's also, you know, Rossi stepping into the gap that gideon's left by abandoning the team - and while he's a very different sort of dad than Gideon for most of the team, where Reid's concerned, that still does mean physically shielding him and defending his expertise to randoms

Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

But as soon as Reid gets insulted and intimidated by some random Montana dude, Rossi automatically steps in front of him and bigs himself up to protect him

Part of that is obvs his own ego and his own fixation on being a father figure, bc like gideon he's chronically failed his own kids / mentees

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

Translates Reid for the team. Translates Strauss and FBI bureaucracy for the team; translates technical language to basic English; translates Gideon's emotions for everyone, even to Reid

And Rossi is like. He's not that kind of person at all. He's very socially adept, he's charismatic, charming

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

He often protects other members of the team from Gideon, and then later from Strauss or other consequences - he's very self-sacrificing, which is part of why it's so easy for him to neglect Haley and Jack, it's part of the same self-flagellation routine

And also translates, again

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

But that Hotch, despite the way he's often taken as cold and angry because of his big eyebrows and natural frown, is probably the most socially adept of the three men and the one that's most able to mask and seem "normal" - it's obvs noteworthy that pre-FBI he was a good lawyer

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

Its important to me that Gideon and Reid and Hotch (and Alex later on) are all very like. Classically autistic coded. The way they obsess and fixate, their respective issues with their own emotions and emotional literacy, the flat affects & masking, their specific areas of knowledge and study

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

Gideon is very protective of Reid but it's in part motivated by what he wants reid to become and the sort of potential he feels Reid has, and imo what he sees as his own similarity to a young Reid - Hotch obviously steps in from time to time to correct Gideon's social issues in general

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

But I'm watching rossi's second case where they're after the kidnap victims in montana, and like

It's so MUCH to me that Gideon's mentorship of reid is obviously very personal, is unique to their relationship, but is still quite distanced, in the way Gideon is with his own son

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 10h

Firstly i obviously enjoy how hotch is always established as the character who understands reid's profiling methods and actual interests best of the team - obviously until alex blake joins later on, and even then, hotch often positions himself as reid's translator in a way alex doesn't

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 17h

I haven't!

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 18h

And then. Utilising her cunning and trickery at waking him up and moving him, Myrtle sneaks into bertie's spot under the bed, which is nice and warm from bertie sleeping there for an hour

So bertie just came up to us like um????? What the fuck???? Stealing and theft??? Displacement??? Abuse???

Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 18h

So myrtle just did a circuit of the flat doing her "where are you?" miaow, and bertie was asleep, so i said, here he is, and pointed to where bertie was asleep underneath the guest bed

So bertie sleepily looks up and myrtle sniffs him and gives him a lick

Then they both come into the living room

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 18h

Most cats miaow for the benefit of humans, but myrtle and bertie miaow for each other as well. They do little chirrups and small miaows when they want to play and they want the other one to find them and chase them, or when they're looking for the other one and don't know where they are

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 18h

it's not just that it's a cop show. it's that it's a cop show that's like. being a cop kills you. but you already started being a cop / you were always destined to be a cop. so you may as well stick with it and die doing what you, um. well. not love. but what you're obsessed with.

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Johannes T. Evans @johannestevans.bsky.social · 18h

and then it's like. yaaaaay. no one ever retires <3 everyone comes back even when they try to leave <3 yayyyyy found family <3 let's all die together on the grave of our emotional stability <3

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