Lock Wilford
@lockwilford.com
If you are looking for the other Lock Wilford you didn't find him.
My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky
My art: lockwilford.com
My top skeets: https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:6sn5ipsdnbalrtkjgpjkr3u7/feed/aaafm23lyrjky
My art: lockwilford.com
Pinned
Lock Wilford
@lockwilford.com
· May 30
[Sex Shop]
Me: *holding 37 dildos*
Shopkeeper: may I help you?
Me: where are the fitting rooms?
Me: *holding 37 dildos*
Shopkeeper: may I help you?
Me: where are the fitting rooms?
Reposted by Lock Wilford
I've simply never had a bad opinion about pie or anything else
November 25, 2025 at 10:55 PM
I've simply never had a bad opinion about pie or anything else
Reposted by Lock Wilford
Pies in general are superior to cakes because you can throw a pie much greater distances.
November 25, 2025 at 10:59 PM
Pies in general are superior to cakes because you can throw a pie much greater distances.
Reposted by Lock Wilford
And so it begins…
November 25, 2025 at 7:42 PM
And so it begins…
Yep, that's just what a stomach full of three martinis needed, a spicy frozen burrito
November 25, 2025 at 7:45 PM
Yep, that's just what a stomach full of three martinis needed, a spicy frozen burrito
*drinking a lukewarm Pepsi to remind myself I'm a pleeb
November 25, 2025 at 7:38 PM
*drinking a lukewarm Pepsi to remind myself I'm a pleeb
In a stunning move Gobble and Wabble have declined his pardon
November 25, 2025 at 7:33 PM
In a stunning move Gobble and Wabble have declined his pardon
All I have done today is bake and bake and drink, yes, I said that correctly
November 25, 2025 at 7:28 PM
All I have done today is bake and bake and drink, yes, I said that correctly
Even though I did laundry Saturday night the dirty clothes hamper was full today
November 25, 2025 at 7:24 PM
Even though I did laundry Saturday night the dirty clothes hamper was full today
I want a set of transitions glasses that can sense my condescending eye roll and darken beforehand
November 25, 2025 at 6:42 PM
I want a set of transitions glasses that can sense my condescending eye roll and darken beforehand
Found it, hanging out with my cigarettes in the back patio
HELP! I've misplaced my martini
November 25, 2025 at 6:34 PM
Found it, hanging out with my cigarettes in the back patio
HELP! I've misplaced my martini
November 25, 2025 at 6:21 PM
HELP! I've misplaced my martini
Okay let's make these pies
November 25, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Okay let's make these pies
Don't argue with me about my improper usage of old English
November 25, 2025 at 6:08 PM
Don't argue with me about my improper usage of old English
Drunkenness begets shitposts
November 25, 2025 at 6:07 PM
Drunkenness begets shitposts
Me: *throwing Up*
Down (my second child): My turn, my turn!
Down (my second child): My turn, my turn!
November 25, 2025 at 6:06 PM
Me: *throwing Up*
Down (my second child): My turn, my turn!
Down (my second child): My turn, my turn!
I hope my family enjoys the pumpkin pies because I nearly singed my fingers removing them from the oven with a cloth way too thin for such things
November 25, 2025 at 6:04 PM
I hope my family enjoys the pumpkin pies because I nearly singed my fingers removing them from the oven with a cloth way too thin for such things
Now I'm ready to make pecan pie
November 25, 2025 at 6:00 PM
Now I'm ready to make pecan pie
Read in today's paper that Guns N Roses will be performing in town and now I have something exciting to look forward to
November 25, 2025 at 5:39 PM
Read in today's paper that Guns N Roses will be performing in town and now I have something exciting to look forward to
Pumpkin pies are done, let's make those pecan pies
November 25, 2025 at 5:32 PM
Pumpkin pies are done, let's make those pecan pies
Reposted by Lock Wilford
Cheryl Hines could just sit on a beat up catcher's mitt and get the same effect
November 25, 2025 at 4:53 PM
Cheryl Hines could just sit on a beat up catcher's mitt and get the same effect