Author | Lightnews

Ian

Ian

@nocoffinplease.bsky.social

130 followers 97 following 52 posts

You know my name. You don’t know my story.

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 18h

your 🫵 mother is so fat she is scientifically classified as megafauna

Greg Pak @gregpak.net · 1d

hey i know things are hard but just remember YOU are charismatic megafauna

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 8d

I would like to have no arms or legs or head or torso or mind or spirit or soul

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 11d

saw a bumper sticker of Calvin pissing on the words “breast cancer.” real shame to see people still believing in urine therapy in 2025.

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 12d

God you people are tiresome

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 17d

my Reddit karma’s in the goddamn toilet! fuck!

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 26d

if the medbed can’t grow your dick bigger I really don’t gaf

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · 29d

Rachel Chinouriri deserves better

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 23

If you’re in line to get raptured STAY IN LINE

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 22

unlocking my phone so those Left Behind have access to all my gay porn

Reposted by Ian

Maze Rat @mazerat.bsky.social · Sep 22

My husband is dead meme.

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 21

Shut up

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 19

“ghatgpt” fuck my chungus life

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 19

this is a whole thread but I thought he slipped up and posted his ghatgpt prompt

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Sep 10

what are you scolding us for we didn’t do it

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Aug 22

idle hands are the devils workshop which is why I masturbate as often and as long as I can

Reposted by Ian

tinybaby @tiny.baby · Aug 20

everything going on has changed my mind pretty firmly: we should be discriminating against Christians

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Aug 19

The philosopher Plato once said there’s no such thing as a free labubu

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Jul 9

one thing you’re gonna do is wear the hell out of a suit

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · May 20

made a batch of chocolate chip cookies last night that have to chill until thursday evening… feeling like a bene gesserit… my plans are measured in centuries…

Reposted by Ian

QuoProQuid @quoproquid.bsky.social · May 19

one of my interests is shirley temple's 1967 congressional race, which she entered with millions of dollars and higher name recognition than the pope, and lost because she was really off-putting and campaigning as a viciously pro-war candidate at the exact moment the war was becoming a big liability

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · May 12

That makes complete sense, Eric, thank you. 😊

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Apr 15

Save me $300 Lego Star Wars Jango Fett’s Starship… save me

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Apr 2

unlike mizz whozza whazzit I find the misogyny on display here sickening.

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Mar 26

Tommy was right. Sometimes a day is a cromulent fuckcrustable. Sometimes you do needy drinky.

Ian @nocoffinplease.bsky.social · Mar 18

chopping J*mes C*rv*lle into little wet chunks with a sharp axe and feeding the chunks to a large herd of alligators 👈💯🤞✊👍