Lightnews — Scholar-powered news

LightNews

Patrixmythical Beast

@patri.xyz

3.7K followers 560 following 34K posts

The experiment requires that we continue. My views and opinions do not necessarily reflect my views and opinions. Some of these are jokes. Never explain the boat. (He/Him) Soliloguy Sufficiently Indistinguishable. (@yardcrow.com, @previously.blue)

Posts Media Videos Starter Packs

Pinned

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · Nov 7

You can just stop giving a fuck about everything beyond your basic survival for a while, when that helps. Just wake up every day and figure out how to eat, smile and sleep somewhere safe again. No one can stop you. You don't have to carry the world's problems every day.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

I got waiting for godot playing in here

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

It's weird that this indictment ends with 'thank you very much for your attention to this matter', right?

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

Is that over by the davenport?

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

Top 1% Commenter!

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

went to make a pun about birds tweeting, and depressed myself.

goodnight

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

see, that's just sad. I got approved for sciatica right away

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

agrivoltaics

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

30% of my post jsut kinda trail

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

*delete* *delete* *delete*

I could make a label... (this is a joke, I'm not making a wash your comforter label)

hmm, no, no

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 14h

not falling for this again

Reposted by Patrixmythical Beast

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · Jul 6

Reported for making threatening statements.

darth™️ @darthbluesky.bsky.social · Jul 6

i hope every body finds the social media home they truly deserve

Reposted by Patrixmythical Beast

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · Sep 5

Can we pretend he's dead this weekend too?

please

Reposted by Patrixmythical Beast

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · Nov 7

You can just stop giving a fuck about everything beyond your basic survival for a while, when that helps. Just wake up every day and figure out how to eat, smile and sleep somewhere safe again. No one can stop you. You don't have to carry the world's problems every day.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

this dial only goes to 4

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

*wakes up to find sun has risen each morning*
YAY!!!!!

God, this is living perfection.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

If your notifications are getting fucked up because you're ending up on the Discover feed, that's a skill issue.

My posts never end up on the Discover feed.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

weed guy forgot where he was going... whoa

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

if you catch a stray cloud of CS, just move out of it, and don't rub anything.

If you catch stray Capsaicin (pepper spray), splash water, dab with dry towel, wash all your clothes separately, and take a cool shower with soap

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

by 'tear gas' I mean CS, which is what almost every smoking canister you see is. CR is not commonly deployed as an anti-riot agent

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

Tear gas and Capsaicin sprays are not really similar at all. You have to wash away Capsaicin, and yes with soap eventually (not in your eyes of course, jesus), but tear gas you don't need to do anything. It breaks down in minutes.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 15h

One of the most important reasons I try to talk myself out of making jokes about Republicans is that the jokes are completely indistinguishable from headlines just a few days or hours later.

Reposted by Patrixmythical Beast

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 1d

That's right. Shirtposting.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 1d

I have a confession. For the last 2.5 years, I've just been typing out Hot Topic T-shirts on bsky.

Reposted by Patrixmythical Beast

Reverend Lucifer Johnson @protestcheese.bsky.social · 16h

that’s nothing. my nephew was born without eye lids so the dr made some with his foreskin after the circumcision and now the poor kid is cockeyed.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 16h

alright, I just looked up the author, and I concede.

He's just really fucking stupid.

Patrixmythical Beast @patri.xyz · 16h

There's a whole genre of young writers calling the coolest things of past generations things they just discovered, and it's fine. They're not writing for us, they're writing for the other kids in the... fuck, it's not a coffeeshop anymore, where do cool kids even hang out now?