Author | Lightnews

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Jun 24

Does anyone ever have just one mump? One measle?

Research must be done.

Reposted by Phil

wint @dril.bsky.social · May 31

i let my son punch me in the head and i tell him the day you can kill me in one blow is the day you officially become a Teen

200 1.6K 14K

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Apr 22

And we're only 754 chapters in! We've still got 9 10ths of the book to go!

3

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Mar 26

Working class here. Give me the fucking handouts.

Reposted by Phil

Haus of Decline @hausofdecline.bsky.social · Mar 26

A mother has just given birth to a child. The father, magnanimous, says "circumcision? Yeah, right..." The mother, also smug, says "what's the worst that could happen?" 38 years later, the non-circumcised man is at a nude beach. His friend in a VW bug waves goodbye and says "great day at the nude beach.." The man, his penis, precariously close to the car door says "see you later..." The car door SLAMs shut and the man's foreskin gets caught in it. As the car pulls away, the man's entire skin is degloved starting at the penis. With a SHRIP, we see his bare musculature. He looks shocked.

85 320 4.2K

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Mar 26

Cancelling my novel to spend more time working on my next novel.

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Mar 20

Sonic drops all his rings when he gets hit. You'd think being a product of the 90's, he'd be more likely to have a chain of them hanging from his waist or something.

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Feb 18

Looking at getting into eating food. What are some good starter meals for a beginner?

Reposted by Phil

The Onion @theonion.com · Feb 13

STIs: Myth Vs. Fact
theonion.com/stis-my...

MYTH: STI tests are inconvenient.

FACT: The clinic will mail your penis back within three to five business days.

27 200 2.1K

Reposted by Phil

ᴾᵃᵖⁱ ᴄʜɪᴄʜᴏꜱ ᴬᵏᵃ ꜱʜᴀᴍɪʀ ᴍᴏᴏʀᴇ 🥷⃤ @igotyoedges.blacksky.app · Feb 12

Nobody:

These fuckn eyelashes: lemme fall in this nigga eyeball

3 27 200

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Feb 11

- Greed
- Greed
- Greed
- Greed
- Greed

I'm noticing a pattern.

The only universally defensible post-purchase transaction is the expansion pack. Preferably with an evil psychic mastermind on the box.

1

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Feb 11

Feels like I'm running out of time to finish up work on my Doomsday device.

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Feb 11

It's a subtle gesture to be sure. I don't think many people even noticed she said it at the time.

1

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Feb 11

There appears to be some kind of unintended side-effect when consumed with alcohol. Every time I drink, a vape somehow teleports into my hand.

No explanation for how it gets there, but oh baby, it gets there.

1

Phil @phlapskate.bsky.social · Jan 25

Hard to compare things nowadays to things 10 or 20 years ago when the price of the hardware required to play the games has absolutely skyrocketed. I'd say the criticisms are valid.

Give me lower-than-low settings please. Isn't lowering the barrier to entry is THE premier sales tactic?

2