Ryan Kallberg
@absinthetics.bsky.social
here exclusively to post bad takes on DAS BOOT
formerly: The Onion, the reality TV industry, the poker tables, the bottom of a black hole
formerly: The Onion, the reality TV industry, the poker tables, the bottom of a black hole
Pinned
First spooky (-ish) movie of October! FINAL DESTINATION: BLOODLINES. These are basically Looney Tunes movies at this point, but I didn’t hate it. Too much CGI in the gore, maybe? Whatever: Am I not entertained?
20. Plus Jarts.
December 14, 2025 at 3:08 AM
20. Plus Jarts.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
I genuinely don't know if this is a "Minnesotan" thing or an "old guy of a certain age" thing but in case it's Minnesotan and people need an anger translator: this guy is so angry he could just about set something on fire with his mind.
This one isn’t downloadable but if you have TikTok go watch it. Well worth your time www.tiktok.com/t/ZTr4gRL7v/
@Mercado Media video credit #minnesota #illinois #louisiana #america
TikTok video by June Osborne
www.tiktok.com
December 13, 2025 at 5:13 PM
I genuinely don't know if this is a "Minnesotan" thing or an "old guy of a certain age" thing but in case it's Minnesotan and people need an anger translator: this guy is so angry he could just about set something on fire with his mind.
Copy editors matter, folks.
December 13, 2025 at 12:47 PM
Copy editors matter, folks.
To me Peter Greene is indelibly linked to his haunting, haunted lead in CLEAN, SHAVEN. But he was reliably good in just about everything.
December 13, 2025 at 12:39 PM
To me Peter Greene is indelibly linked to his haunting, haunted lead in CLEAN, SHAVEN. But he was reliably good in just about everything.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The Lifter Puller discography is generally not long enough, dammit, but it is almost exactly the right length for a heavy-traffic trip to pick the kid up at college.
December 12, 2025 at 8:32 PM
The Lifter Puller discography is generally not long enough, dammit, but it is almost exactly the right length for a heavy-traffic trip to pick the kid up at college.
Breastfeeding is great! Let’s institute mandatory parental leave policies so all newborns can benefit from the whoa whoa whoa you’re not gonna do any of that, are you?
RFK Jr: "All of the ingenuity of corporate America has not produced an infant formula that is superior in nutrition and all the qualities that we want to the infant formula that God made, which is the infant formula in a mother's breast."
December 9, 2025 at 2:03 AM
Breastfeeding is great! Let’s institute mandatory parental leave policies so all newborns can benefit from the whoa whoa whoa you’re not gonna do any of that, are you?
Is it me, or is the Christmas music less omnipresent and oppressive this year? Have we… have we finally won the war?
December 9, 2025 at 1:15 AM
Is it me, or is the Christmas music less omnipresent and oppressive this year? Have we… have we finally won the war?
Just halfway composed a skeet about the Supreme Court that might have been a bit over the line. Not too much over the line but maybe 10% or so. Anyway, delete draft is the better part of valor etc
December 8, 2025 at 10:54 PM
Just halfway composed a skeet about the Supreme Court that might have been a bit over the line. Not too much over the line but maybe 10% or so. Anyway, delete draft is the better part of valor etc
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
I am brimming with holiday spirit
December 8, 2025 at 12:47 PM
I am brimming with holiday spirit
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
You can tell the libertarians who got there via genuinely held principle because they’re not libertarians anymore.
Good on Penn Jillette. Having to come to terms with your entire political identity and philosophy being wrong is not easy and most people could never do it.
December 8, 2025 at 7:57 AM
You can tell the libertarians who got there via genuinely held principle because they’re not libertarians anymore.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
The Bic corporation was started by one man who needed to shave, write something down, and set something on fire at the same time
December 6, 2025 at 11:12 PM
The Bic corporation was started by one man who needed to shave, write something down, and set something on fire at the same time
Do I want to drag the teenager to see the whole KILL BILL shebang tomorrow? That’s a long time to be in a theatre.
December 7, 2025 at 6:44 AM
Do I want to drag the teenager to see the whole KILL BILL shebang tomorrow? That’s a long time to be in a theatre.
Apple: In our latest OS update, we’ve moved many of the features you use to the other end of the screen or hidden them behind a menu button!
Me, in a hurry: FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUUU
Me, in a hurry: FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUUU
December 6, 2025 at 7:13 AM
Apple: In our latest OS update, we’ve moved many of the features you use to the other end of the screen or hidden them behind a menu button!
Me, in a hurry: FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUUU
Me, in a hurry: FUUUUUCCCCKKKKK YOOOOOUUUUUUU
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Every legal story now is either
Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach
or
In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport
Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach
or
In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport
October 3, 2025 at 10:26 PM
Every legal story now is either
Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach
or
In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport
Ancient Circuit Judge Delivers Crystal Clear 100 Page Rebuke To Trumpist Overreach
or
In Unsigned Shadow Docket Decision, 6-3 Majority Declares Trump Can Hunt People For Sport
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
This seems like a good time of year to say that my Spotify Wrapped is I haven’t used Spotify even once ever.
December 3, 2025 at 10:42 PM
This seems like a good time of year to say that my Spotify Wrapped is I haven’t used Spotify even once ever.
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
November 30: well THAT was terrible, next month will surely be better
December 1: *googles “how to scrub vomit out of car seats”*
December 1: *googles “how to scrub vomit out of car seats”*
December 2, 2025 at 3:38 AM
November 30: well THAT was terrible, next month will surely be better
December 1: *googles “how to scrub vomit out of car seats”*
December 1: *googles “how to scrub vomit out of car seats”*
Going to hire a wagonload of Amish consultants to go around teaching people to shun properly because boy do we need that right now.
December 2, 2025 at 12:59 AM
Going to hire a wagonload of Amish consultants to go around teaching people to shun properly because boy do we need that right now.
Thinking my profanity score would be higher if I posted my internal monologue every once in a while, viz.: fuck fuck shit fuck FUCK this shit oh HELL NO godDAMMIT very bad very bad fucking hell oh no no no no no
November 30, 2025 at 9:42 PM
Thinking my profanity score would be higher if I posted my internal monologue every once in a while, viz.: fuck fuck shit fuck FUCK this shit oh HELL NO godDAMMIT very bad very bad fucking hell oh no no no no no
Reposted by Ryan Kallberg
Oh, does a *venture capitalist* have a good slogan? Surely they have the best interests of ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!
November 30, 2025 at 6:09 PM
Oh, does a *venture capitalist* have a good slogan? Surely they have the best interests of ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND?!
Nice.
Though honestly what the hell, me, that ratio is pathetic.
Though honestly what the hell, me, that ratio is pathetic.
@absinthetics.bsky.social has swears! They've used 69 profanities in their last 510 posts.
🥇 "fucking" (12 times)
🥈 "fuck" (10 times)
🥉 "shit" (9 times)
🥇 "fucking" (12 times)
🥈 "fuck" (10 times)
🥉 "shit" (9 times)
November 30, 2025 at 7:19 AM
Nice.
Though honestly what the hell, me, that ratio is pathetic.
Though honestly what the hell, me, that ratio is pathetic.
@profanity.accountant tell me what I already know.
November 30, 2025 at 7:11 AM
@profanity.accountant tell me what I already know.