How much room do people have ‘neath their Christmas trees, fitting whole people under there…
December 13, 2025 at 8:09 PM
How much room do people have ‘neath their Christmas trees, fitting whole people under there…
A man who worked for me in the garden center years ago was shopping in the store today, and when he saw me he said, “Brandi! You got so much older!”
“We all did, Jerry.”
“We all did, Jerry.”
December 4, 2025 at 10:34 PM
A man who worked for me in the garden center years ago was shopping in the store today, and when he saw me he said, “Brandi! You got so much older!”
“We all did, Jerry.”
“We all did, Jerry.”
I took off my badge and was looking at it from every angle. A coworker came by and asked what I was doing. I said the last coworker I walked by said that for a second, from her angle, my badge looked like it said “Branch”
December 2, 2025 at 12:46 AM
I took off my badge and was looking at it from every angle. A coworker came by and asked what I was doing. I said the last coworker I walked by said that for a second, from her angle, my badge looked like it said “Branch”
Teensy 5 year old niece: I drew a turkey at school.
Me: did you use your hand?
Niece: 🤨 I held a pencil in my hand and drew very carefully.
Me: did you use your hand?
Niece: 🤨 I held a pencil in my hand and drew very carefully.
November 29, 2025 at 1:37 AM
Teensy 5 year old niece: I drew a turkey at school.
Me: did you use your hand?
Niece: 🤨 I held a pencil in my hand and drew very carefully.
Me: did you use your hand?
Niece: 🤨 I held a pencil in my hand and drew very carefully.
A very young coworker just saw me and said, “Brandi! How is it serving?”
And I could only shrug because I have no idea what that means.
And I could only shrug because I have no idea what that means.
November 25, 2025 at 7:02 PM
A very young coworker just saw me and said, “Brandi! How is it serving?”
And I could only shrug because I have no idea what that means.
And I could only shrug because I have no idea what that means.
What’s the appropriate response when random coworkers tell you that you look tired? Because when I say “thank you” suddenly I’m the rude one.
November 22, 2025 at 12:31 PM
What’s the appropriate response when random coworkers tell you that you look tired? Because when I say “thank you” suddenly I’m the rude one.
During a conversation, my coworker just said, “I love the people and the people love me”
So I said “so much they restored the English monarchy?”
And we’re in the middle of Texas, so that went well.
So I said “so much they restored the English monarchy?”
And we’re in the middle of Texas, so that went well.
November 21, 2025 at 8:06 PM
During a conversation, my coworker just said, “I love the people and the people love me”
So I said “so much they restored the English monarchy?”
And we’re in the middle of Texas, so that went well.
So I said “so much they restored the English monarchy?”
And we’re in the middle of Texas, so that went well.
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough.
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough!
Don’t stop til you get enough.
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough!
November 20, 2025 at 9:11 PM
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough.
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough!
Don’t stop til you get enough.
Keep on to the post office!
Don’t stop til you get enough!
People have called me the wrong name a lot over the years at the store. Britney, Bethany, Tammy, Cheryl, Beatrice… I had the best one today.
A merchandiser just read half my name badge and figured I was probably called “Branch”
I said, “yes?”
A merchandiser just read half my name badge and figured I was probably called “Branch”
I said, “yes?”
November 18, 2025 at 5:40 PM
People have called me the wrong name a lot over the years at the store. Britney, Bethany, Tammy, Cheryl, Beatrice… I had the best one today.
A merchandiser just read half my name badge and figured I was probably called “Branch”
I said, “yes?”
A merchandiser just read half my name badge and figured I was probably called “Branch”
I said, “yes?”
I just saw a cart pusher put his money in a vending machine, push the button, and THREE Dr Peppers came out. I’m just so happy for him.
November 15, 2025 at 9:57 PM
I just saw a cart pusher put his money in a vending machine, push the button, and THREE Dr Peppers came out. I’m just so happy for him.
Reposted by Brandi
Just to remind you, it is All Hallows’ Eve. Not everything will be quite as it seems, tonight. If you’re one of these people who like things to be exactly as they seem: bad news, pal.
October 31, 2025 at 10:33 AM
Just to remind you, it is All Hallows’ Eve. Not everything will be quite as it seems, tonight. If you’re one of these people who like things to be exactly as they seem: bad news, pal.
Gremlins is a Christmas movie.
October 29, 2025 at 5:05 PM
Gremlins is a Christmas movie.
I am worried that the ladies in the passenger seat in all these country songs aren’t wearing seat belts.
September 26, 2025 at 12:42 PM
I am worried that the ladies in the passenger seat in all these country songs aren’t wearing seat belts.
Reposted by Brandi
When you behave in such a way as to make Ted Cruz rise from his haunches, straighten his spine and defend American civil liberties and a concept as liberal as open speech, you are certainly the rarest and most extraordinary kind of asshole.
Ted Cruz blasts FCC Chair Brendan Carr:
"I think it is unbelievably dangerous for government to put itself in the position of saying we're going to decide what speech we like and what we don't, and we're going to threaten to take you off air if we don't like what you’re saying."
"I think it is unbelievably dangerous for government to put itself in the position of saying we're going to decide what speech we like and what we don't, and we're going to threaten to take you off air if we don't like what you’re saying."
September 20, 2025 at 2:33 PM
When you behave in such a way as to make Ted Cruz rise from his haunches, straighten his spine and defend American civil liberties and a concept as liberal as open speech, you are certainly the rarest and most extraordinary kind of asshole.
There needs to be a “driver has clearly been in a chick-fil-a drive thru for the last 11 minutes” option when cancelling a Lyft ride.
September 15, 2025 at 11:59 AM
There needs to be a “driver has clearly been in a chick-fil-a drive thru for the last 11 minutes” option when cancelling a Lyft ride.
As I was washing my hands, I heard a lady in one of the stalls start watching Donald trump on her phone. So I used the hand dryer for three straight minutes.
August 29, 2025 at 3:00 PM
As I was washing my hands, I heard a lady in one of the stalls start watching Donald trump on her phone. So I used the hand dryer for three straight minutes.
An older man at the next self checkout said, “thank you. Have a nice day!” to his register.
August 21, 2025 at 5:20 PM
An older man at the next self checkout said, “thank you. Have a nice day!” to his register.
Me, holding a broken package of bamboo skewers: I know I shouldn’t tell you a random anecdote about my life.
Coworker: you’re going to, though.
Me: [tells a random (traumatic) anecdote about my life]
Coworker: you’re going to, though.
Me: [tells a random (traumatic) anecdote about my life]
August 20, 2025 at 3:07 PM
Me, holding a broken package of bamboo skewers: I know I shouldn’t tell you a random anecdote about my life.
Coworker: you’re going to, though.
Me: [tells a random (traumatic) anecdote about my life]
Coworker: you’re going to, though.
Me: [tells a random (traumatic) anecdote about my life]
There’s a small child on the next aisle named Loki.
August 15, 2025 at 5:55 PM
There’s a small child on the next aisle named Loki.
Reposted by Brandi
If you are a company who is worried about a big boycott from a religious group just remember that because they are people they are mostly hypocrites and you don’t have to actually do what they say. They will still patronize your business!
August 14, 2025 at 7:07 PM
If you are a company who is worried about a big boycott from a religious group just remember that because they are people they are mostly hypocrites and you don’t have to actually do what they say. They will still patronize your business!
I’ve always wondered about Larry, the young man who asked his brother’s best friend to be the best man at his wedding. Did his first choice back out 5 days before the ceremony, or was he under the impression that the guy was closer to him than his brother Harry?
August 11, 2025 at 8:21 PM
I’ve always wondered about Larry, the young man who asked his brother’s best friend to be the best man at his wedding. Did his first choice back out 5 days before the ceremony, or was he under the impression that the guy was closer to him than his brother Harry?
No, I’m not going to scan the big QR code on the back of your cyber truck.
August 2, 2025 at 9:19 PM
No, I’m not going to scan the big QR code on the back of your cyber truck.
For someone claiming to be a piano man, this guy sure is hooey-hoo-hooing on the harmonica a lot.
July 31, 2025 at 5:40 PM
For someone claiming to be a piano man, this guy sure is hooey-hoo-hooing on the harmonica a lot.
Reposted by Brandi
Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting
Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting
TALLAHASSEE, FL—Perplexed that the Department of Justice had chosen a setting with such strange decor to ask her about Jeffrey Epstein’s co-conspirators, Ghislaine Maxwell confirmed Thursday that she ...
theonion.com
July 24, 2025 at 7:31 PM
Ghislaine Maxwell Can’t Help But Notice Interview Room Covered In Plastic Sheeting
I just had the lady from the shoe department chase me down an aisle yelling, “Brenda! Brenda!”
July 24, 2025 at 2:59 PM
I just had the lady from the shoe department chase me down an aisle yelling, “Brenda! Brenda!”