Cory Reynolds
@coryreynolds.bsky.social
The human embodiment of a dad joke mixed with a pinch of existential dread and a whole lotta glitter. ✨
AI wrote this so it must be true.
Currently experiencing a rapid unscheduled disassembly that I hope ends in early 2029.
AI wrote this so it must be true.
Currently experiencing a rapid unscheduled disassembly that I hope ends in early 2029.
"It'd be a shame if something happened to Ukraine..." that is apparently US foreign policy. FFS.
January 18, 2026 at 2:47 PM
"It'd be a shame if something happened to Ukraine..." that is apparently US foreign policy. FFS.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
STAR TREK HAS GONE WOKE!
SESAME STREET HAS GONE WOKE!
STAR WARS HAS GONE WOKE!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE HAS GONE WOKE!
Nothing will ever be funnier to me than these dipshits getting mad about shit that’s been “woke” since it’s been in existence.
SESAME STREET HAS GONE WOKE!
STAR WARS HAS GONE WOKE!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE HAS GONE WOKE!
Nothing will ever be funnier to me than these dipshits getting mad about shit that’s been “woke” since it’s been in existence.
January 18, 2026 at 1:46 PM
STAR TREK HAS GONE WOKE!
SESAME STREET HAS GONE WOKE!
STAR WARS HAS GONE WOKE!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE HAS GONE WOKE!
Nothing will ever be funnier to me than these dipshits getting mad about shit that’s been “woke” since it’s been in existence.
SESAME STREET HAS GONE WOKE!
STAR WARS HAS GONE WOKE!
RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE HAS GONE WOKE!
Nothing will ever be funnier to me than these dipshits getting mad about shit that’s been “woke” since it’s been in existence.
Sure, everything's unaffordable and we've set a ridiculous military precedent that will certainly come back to bite us in the ass. BUT did you hear we get to keep six sicknesses.
USA, USA!
USA, USA!
January 5, 2026 at 7:16 PM
Sure, everything's unaffordable and we've set a ridiculous military precedent that will certainly come back to bite us in the ass. BUT did you hear we get to keep six sicknesses.
USA, USA!
USA, USA!
Official state department position is apparently...
Not sure how he wasn't prepared for this OBVIOUS question but I guess nothing matters.
Not sure how he wasn't prepared for this OBVIOUS question but I guess nothing matters.
January 4, 2026 at 3:33 PM
Official state department position is apparently...
Not sure how he wasn't prepared for this OBVIOUS question but I guess nothing matters.
Not sure how he wasn't prepared for this OBVIOUS question but I guess nothing matters.
Sitting in the Holiday concert at the elementary school and waiting on the overdue crazy right-wing backlash to Feliz Navidad. Probably only exempt because it says Christmas 67 times. But I'm sure it's coming. Because dumbest timeline.
December 19, 2025 at 4:48 PM
Sitting in the Holiday concert at the elementary school and waiting on the overdue crazy right-wing backlash to Feliz Navidad. Probably only exempt because it says Christmas 67 times. But I'm sure it's coming. Because dumbest timeline.
Today is national ambrosia day. So I've got "how much I feel" on repeat.
a man with long hair singing into a microphone with his eyes closed
Alt: a man with long hair singing into a microphone with his eyes closed...likely not brosia but close enough!
media.tenor.com
December 12, 2025 at 1:38 PM
Today is national ambrosia day. So I've got "how much I feel" on repeat.
Definitely didn't just listen to the new Taylor Swift album for the last hour. With that in mind here is my instant top 5 power rankings for #thelifeofashowgirl :
Ruin the friendship
Opalite
Cancelled
Eldest Daughter
The fate of Ophelia
Ruin the friendship
Opalite
Cancelled
Eldest Daughter
The fate of Ophelia
October 3, 2025 at 5:06 AM
Definitely didn't just listen to the new Taylor Swift album for the last hour. With that in mind here is my instant top 5 power rankings for #thelifeofashowgirl :
Ruin the friendship
Opalite
Cancelled
Eldest Daughter
The fate of Ophelia
Ruin the friendship
Opalite
Cancelled
Eldest Daughter
The fate of Ophelia
If I ever, under any circumstances, refer to homecoming as "HOCO" in a serious way, I've been compromised in some way and I need help.
a man with a beard says " please help me "
ALT: a man with a beard says " please help me "
media.tenor.com
September 25, 2025 at 2:02 AM
If I ever, under any circumstances, refer to homecoming as "HOCO" in a serious way, I've been compromised in some way and I need help.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
Charlie Kirk believed in the first amendment and so do I. Which means I can say (factually) that he was a misogynist, racist and transphobe.
I can also say he did not deserve to be murdered.
And best of all, far-right trolls can’t get me fired from my job. I’m an independent journalist!
I can also say he did not deserve to be murdered.
And best of all, far-right trolls can’t get me fired from my job. I’m an independent journalist!
September 13, 2025 at 3:01 PM
Charlie Kirk believed in the first amendment and so do I. Which means I can say (factually) that he was a misogynist, racist and transphobe.
I can also say he did not deserve to be murdered.
And best of all, far-right trolls can’t get me fired from my job. I’m an independent journalist!
I can also say he did not deserve to be murdered.
And best of all, far-right trolls can’t get me fired from my job. I’m an independent journalist!
When you've spent the last couple of days being lectured to about freedom and political violence by the dumbest people you knew from high school on Facebook and you wake up to learn that the sad murder (murder is bad and gun violence is preventable) was probably right-wing on right-wing violence....
two doctors are standing next to each other and one of them is saying that is both very sad and not the least bit shocking
ALT: two doctors are standing next to each other and one of them is saying that is both very sad and not the least bit shocking
media.tenor.com
September 13, 2025 at 12:59 PM
When you've spent the last couple of days being lectured to about freedom and political violence by the dumbest people you knew from high school on Facebook and you wake up to learn that the sad murder (murder is bad and gun violence is preventable) was probably right-wing on right-wing violence....
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
We all make poor choices in life. But few are as bad as allowing yourself to be lectured about incitment and violent rhetoric by anyone who follows Donald Trump. Seriously. Make good life choices, folks.
September 11, 2025 at 9:40 PM
We all make poor choices in life. But few are as bad as allowing yourself to be lectured about incitment and violent rhetoric by anyone who follows Donald Trump. Seriously. Make good life choices, folks.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
The response to this essay that was sent to premium members earlier today was so overwhelming that Democracy Docket decided to publish it for free on its website.
I am touched by all of your comments and kind words of support. Please, read, share and enjoy! www.democracydocket.com/opinion/what...
I am touched by all of your comments and kind words of support. Please, read, share and enjoy! www.democracydocket.com/opinion/what...
What Gives Me Hope
Read more here.
www.democracydocket.com
August 19, 2025 at 10:00 PM
The response to this essay that was sent to premium members earlier today was so overwhelming that Democracy Docket decided to publish it for free on its website.
I am touched by all of your comments and kind words of support. Please, read, share and enjoy! www.democracydocket.com/opinion/what...
I am touched by all of your comments and kind words of support. Please, read, share and enjoy! www.democracydocket.com/opinion/what...
So today is apparently "Baby Boomers Recognition Day".
So I will be recognizing that they took the gift of being born into the best situation in human history and have spent the last 60 years doing everything they can to ruin it for all future generations.
So I will be recognizing that they took the gift of being born into the best situation in human history and have spent the last 60 years doing everything they can to ruin it for all future generations.
August 17, 2025 at 12:50 PM
So today is apparently "Baby Boomers Recognition Day".
So I will be recognizing that they took the gift of being born into the best situation in human history and have spent the last 60 years doing everything they can to ruin it for all future generations.
So I will be recognizing that they took the gift of being born into the best situation in human history and have spent the last 60 years doing everything they can to ruin it for all future generations.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
Colbert should just run for President. I mean, it worked for Trump when his show was cancelled.
July 18, 2025 at 2:05 AM
Colbert should just run for President. I mean, it worked for Trump when his show was cancelled.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
The fiscal conservatives in the GOP just added $4 trillion to the deficit to give the wealthiest people on earth a tax cut. The pro-family party just took healthcare away from 17 million Americans to give ICE a bigger budget than Brazil’s military. The single most inhumane bill ever passed.
July 3, 2025 at 6:34 PM
The fiscal conservatives in the GOP just added $4 trillion to the deficit to give the wealthiest people on earth a tax cut. The pro-family party just took healthcare away from 17 million Americans to give ICE a bigger budget than Brazil’s military. The single most inhumane bill ever passed.
Looking forward to the 'Tan Suit denigrates the office' crowd contorting themselves into viewing dropping an F-bomb as Presidential.
TRUMP: We basically have two countries that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the fuck they’re doing.
June 24, 2025 at 12:00 PM
Looking forward to the 'Tan Suit denigrates the office' crowd contorting themselves into viewing dropping an F-bomb as Presidential.
I often think of the joke in Back to the Future when Marty explains to 1955 Doc Brown that Ronald Reagan is president and how unfathomable that was. What a quaint time.
a nation on edge holds its breath as the former host of celebrity apprentice huddles with his advisors, the wrestlemania ceo and the former co-host of fox & friends weekends
June 17, 2025 at 10:56 PM
I often think of the joke in Back to the Future when Marty explains to 1955 Doc Brown that Ronald Reagan is president and how unfathomable that was. What a quaint time.
Having spent a lot of time in rural Missouri the answer is they probably didn't understand any of it but "now".
Mass is clearly just church and deportations has something to do with boats.
Mass is clearly just church and deportations has something to do with boats.
Counterpoint: you actually did vote to deport moms. What part of “mass deportations now” did you not understand?
May 31, 2025 at 8:43 PM
Having spent a lot of time in rural Missouri the answer is they probably didn't understand any of it but "now".
Mass is clearly just church and deportations has something to do with boats.
Mass is clearly just church and deportations has something to do with boats.
Disney experience so far....super nice cast members trying to gloss over absolutely terrible service. Fifteen minutes past reservation time and still sitting...waiting for a table
April 29, 2025 at 12:24 AM
Disney experience so far....super nice cast members trying to gloss over absolutely terrible service. Fifteen minutes past reservation time and still sitting...waiting for a table
The United States government (MAGA edition).
Waiting for the outrage from the "Shining city on a hill" Republicans but it's hard to speak while attached to Trump's giant orange backside.
Waiting for the outrage from the "Shining city on a hill" Republicans but it's hard to speak while attached to Trump's giant orange backside.
April 26, 2025 at 12:28 PM
The United States government (MAGA edition).
Waiting for the outrage from the "Shining city on a hill" Republicans but it's hard to speak while attached to Trump's giant orange backside.
Waiting for the outrage from the "Shining city on a hill" Republicans but it's hard to speak while attached to Trump's giant orange backside.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
How to understand the stock market if you only watch Fox News
April 9, 2025 at 6:12 PM
How to understand the stock market if you only watch Fox News
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism.
April 7, 2025 at 12:18 AM
This is really unfair to everyone who just voted for him for the racism.
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
Senator Cory Booker is cooking!
Only 30 minutes left before he beats Strom Thurmond’s record for the longest speech on the Senate floor!
You’ve got this, Cory!!!!!
Only 30 minutes left before he beats Strom Thurmond’s record for the longest speech on the Senate floor!
You’ve got this, Cory!!!!!
April 1, 2025 at 10:50 PM
Senator Cory Booker is cooking!
Only 30 minutes left before he beats Strom Thurmond’s record for the longest speech on the Senate floor!
You’ve got this, Cory!!!!!
Only 30 minutes left before he beats Strom Thurmond’s record for the longest speech on the Senate floor!
You’ve got this, Cory!!!!!
Obama 2028 - 20th anniversary reunion.
I'm here for it.
Less Hopey/Changey and more "turns out that while we still believe their aren't red states and blue states, there is MAGA and f*** those people."
I'm here for it.
Less Hopey/Changey and more "turns out that while we still believe their aren't red states and blue states, there is MAGA and f*** those people."
Mike Lawler on Trump possibly running for a third time: "As a Republican, I and many would not be open to the idea of Barack Obama running for a third term. So I think folks have to be careful here."
March 31, 2025 at 9:39 PM
Obama 2028 - 20th anniversary reunion.
I'm here for it.
Less Hopey/Changey and more "turns out that while we still believe their aren't red states and blue states, there is MAGA and f*** those people."
I'm here for it.
Less Hopey/Changey and more "turns out that while we still believe their aren't red states and blue states, there is MAGA and f*** those people."
Reposted by Cory Reynolds
