David Murphy
@david-murphy.bsky.social
Autistic, diabetic, sarcastic, puntastic, liberal democratic, trying to be more Christocentric, running out of words ending in ic
Also @davidmurphy on twitter and DavidMurphyBFS on Threads
Also @davidmurphy on twitter and DavidMurphyBFS on Threads
Yesterday, when I saw what he wrote, I wondered if there has ever been a more classless [so-and-so] in the White House.
This morning, I remember that LBJ used the toilet during meetings as some sort of power move, and Nixon so brittle. But I still doubt they'd have been so utterly crass.
This morning, I remember that LBJ used the toilet during meetings as some sort of power move, and Nixon so brittle. But I still doubt they'd have been so utterly crass.
December 16, 2025 at 8:21 AM
Yesterday, when I saw what he wrote, I wondered if there has ever been a more classless [so-and-so] in the White House.
This morning, I remember that LBJ used the toilet during meetings as some sort of power move, and Nixon so brittle. But I still doubt they'd have been so utterly crass.
This morning, I remember that LBJ used the toilet during meetings as some sort of power move, and Nixon so brittle. But I still doubt they'd have been so utterly crass.
Reposted by David Murphy
Jimmy Lai, the media tycoon and brave defender of democracy in Hong Kong, has been found guilty of ‘foreign collusion’. His family expect he’ll die in jail. HK’s national security law, imposed by Beijing after huge pro-democracy protests, has claimed its most prominent victim.
December 15, 2025 at 9:43 AM
Jimmy Lai, the media tycoon and brave defender of democracy in Hong Kong, has been found guilty of ‘foreign collusion’. His family expect he’ll die in jail. HK’s national security law, imposed by Beijing after huge pro-democracy protests, has claimed its most prominent victim.
Reposted by David Murphy
Noël has one "L" and onesie has no "z"s. And we wonder why peeple can’t spellle anymor
December 10, 2025 at 7:59 PM
Noël has one "L" and onesie has no "z"s. And we wonder why peeple can’t spellle anymor
Reposted by David Murphy
Gold, Frankincense and Sensibility. Christmas in Jane Austen's house.
December 9, 2025 at 8:38 AM
Gold, Frankincense and Sensibility. Christmas in Jane Austen's house.
Reposted by David Murphy
“I bring you fun”
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”
The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”
The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.
December 9, 2025 at 6:58 AM
“I bring you fun”
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”
The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.
“I bring you sunshine”
“I bring you love”
The Three Morecambe and Wise Men.
Reposted by David Murphy
It’s never not funny that most oaths are done this way. Any time anyone uses anything other than a Bible, folks freak out and say “No no no — it only counts if you use the book that forbids swearing oaths and says they come from the ‘evil one.’”
December 9, 2025 at 8:01 PM
It’s never not funny that most oaths are done this way. Any time anyone uses anything other than a Bible, folks freak out and say “No no no — it only counts if you use the book that forbids swearing oaths and says they come from the ‘evil one.’”
Proof that it is pronounced Pree-mark not Pry-mark and everyone in Great Britain is wrong.
It's taken years but a video copy of one of the 1980s versions of the Primark Northern Ireland Christmas adverts "Got a Whole Lot of Things for Christmas!" has finally turned up!
youtu.be/kF7Oi5iHAcI?...
#Preemark
youtu.be/kF7Oi5iHAcI?...
#Preemark
09 12 1983 Channel 4 Northern Ireland The World at War Scalextric Woolco
YouTube video by Kaleidoscope's Presentation Vault
youtu.be
December 9, 2025 at 7:25 PM
Proof that it is pronounced Pree-mark not Pry-mark and everyone in Great Britain is wrong.
Due to administrative snafu (which is likely my fault) I have run out of a certain medication and I have so much nervous energy that I feel a bit like my internal organs are trying to climb out through my eyes.
December 8, 2025 at 2:37 PM
Due to administrative snafu (which is likely my fault) I have run out of a certain medication and I have so much nervous energy that I feel a bit like my internal organs are trying to climb out through my eyes.
The amount of radio mics on the #LateLateToyShow must be an absolute nightmare. In fact, the whole production is very impressive
December 5, 2025 at 10:39 PM
The amount of radio mics on the #LateLateToyShow must be an absolute nightmare. In fact, the whole production is very impressive
Stop bateing that panda round the head #LateLateToyShow
December 5, 2025 at 10:04 PM
Stop bateing that panda round the head #LateLateToyShow
How can you give a peace prize to someone who believes his fellow human beings are "garbage"?
December 5, 2025 at 8:43 PM
How can you give a peace prize to someone who believes his fellow human beings are "garbage"?
Just saw a world-famous drag artist wearing a red jumper, yellow, graph-check trousers and a yellow, graph-check scarf. It was RuPaul the Bear.
No: I *am* funny, you just don't appreciate my sophisticated humour.
No: I *am* funny, you just don't appreciate my sophisticated humour.
December 5, 2025 at 10:17 AM
Just saw a world-famous drag artist wearing a red jumper, yellow, graph-check trousers and a yellow, graph-check scarf. It was RuPaul the Bear.
No: I *am* funny, you just don't appreciate my sophisticated humour.
No: I *am* funny, you just don't appreciate my sophisticated humour.
No, autocorrect, when I type hyperglycaemic, I don't mean hyperglycaemia. The A and C keys aren't close together, so the chances of me accidentally hitting a C instead of an A are remote. And it's a bad idea to annoy me when I'm hyperglycaemic.
December 4, 2025 at 9:53 AM
No, autocorrect, when I type hyperglycaemic, I don't mean hyperglycaemia. The A and C keys aren't close together, so the chances of me accidentally hitting a C instead of an A are remote. And it's a bad idea to annoy me when I'm hyperglycaemic.
Since my finger pricker (apparently that's the official term) broke, I have been pricking my fingers by driving lancets into them with my bare hands. Not any more. New prickers have arrived.
December 3, 2025 at 6:31 PM
Since my finger pricker (apparently that's the official term) broke, I have been pricking my fingers by driving lancets into them with my bare hands. Not any more. New prickers have arrived.
I am unreasonably proud of this joke which almost no-one will get.
Ian Paisley Senior or Ian Paisley Junior? One of those is a much worse bunting.
Also, if you're going for a Paisleyite theme, surely the correct decorations would be a Major Ronald Bunting?
(You might need to Google Major R Bunting. I'll see myself out)
Also, if you're going for a Paisleyite theme, surely the correct decorations would be a Major Ronald Bunting?
(You might need to Google Major R Bunting. I'll see myself out)
December 2, 2025 at 10:00 AM
I am unreasonably proud of this joke which almost no-one will get.
Reposted by David Murphy
...an excuse to trot out the Finest* Joke Of All Time
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
December 1, 2025 at 1:34 PM
...an excuse to trot out the Finest* Joke Of All Time
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
Q: What runs up and down Coronation Street laughing?
A: Hyena Sharples
(*I will not be entering into correspondence at this time)
This morning Radio Ulster reported that the extraordinary general assembly of the Presbyterian Church may not happen this month after all because the hall has commercial bookings. At least 1 other PCI building has over 1000 seats. May I humbly suggest exploring that?
December 1, 2025 at 1:34 PM
This morning Radio Ulster reported that the extraordinary general assembly of the Presbyterian Church may not happen this month after all because the hall has commercial bookings. At least 1 other PCI building has over 1000 seats. May I humbly suggest exploring that?
Everything I have ever read about Franklin D Roosevelt implied that the public knew nothing about his paralysis and journalists had a conspiracy of silence. But today I found a CBS broadcast from the day he died and the reporter mentioned leg braces and a wheelchair in a way that implied people knew
November 25, 2025 at 10:36 PM
Everything I have ever read about Franklin D Roosevelt implied that the public knew nothing about his paralysis and journalists had a conspiracy of silence. But today I found a CBS broadcast from the day he died and the reporter mentioned leg braces and a wheelchair in a way that implied people knew
Cryptic crossword clue:
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
November 24, 2025 at 2:13 PM
Cryptic crossword clue:
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Bishop and 2 cardinals take documents after morning brew for former leader (3, 6)
Not convinced I want Twitter to show people which country I'm in. Remember "please rob me dot com"?
November 24, 2025 at 2:06 PM
Not convinced I want Twitter to show people which country I'm in. Remember "please rob me dot com"?
Reposted by David Murphy
me: SOMEBODY STOP ME!
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
November 22, 2025 at 11:34 PM
me: SOMEBODY STOP ME!
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
them: ...that is not what we meant by 'masking'
The 1960s American sitcom "My Mother the Car" is to be updated and remade for a Northern Irish audience. They're calling it "Yer Ma's Yer Ka".
November 22, 2025 at 9:24 PM
The 1960s American sitcom "My Mother the Car" is to be updated and remade for a Northern Irish audience. They're calling it "Yer Ma's Yer Ka".
Reposted by David Murphy
Last night as I was on my way home from another long day at work, an entitled, arrogant penis in a huge Bentley behind me repeatedly blasted his horn (not a euphemism) and flashed his lights because I stopped at a roundabout. If that’s the type of person having money makes you, I’m glad I’m skint.
November 20, 2025 at 7:32 AM
Last night as I was on my way home from another long day at work, an entitled, arrogant penis in a huge Bentley behind me repeatedly blasted his horn (not a euphemism) and flashed his lights because I stopped at a roundabout. If that’s the type of person having money makes you, I’m glad I’m skint.
The bad news is that I need 2 new tyres. The good news is that people are far nicer than I think they are. Several people stopped to ask if I was OK while I was waiting for the truck to take my car to the tyre shop.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
November 19, 2025 at 10:58 PM
The bad news is that I need 2 new tyres. The good news is that people are far nicer than I think they are. Several people stopped to ask if I was OK while I was waiting for the truck to take my car to the tyre shop.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Also, my family are amazing. They came with a hot water bottle and a decaff coffee.
Reposted by David Murphy
I don't want AI generated art, I want AI emptied dishwasher
November 17, 2025 at 4:36 AM
I don't want AI generated art, I want AI emptied dishwasher