Alice Lastname
@dick.tips
Autist, dong-lover, and avid dreader.
Pinned
Alice Lastname
@dick.tips
· Aug 10
Do you think Einstein ever jacked off to the Lorentz factor
@cologuardsupport.com I pooped in a cologuard box and mailed it in and i got a call a few days later saying my sample couldn't be processed because it had too high of a "froth factor" and that it broke the poop smushing machine and that they were going to invoice me for the parts and labor to fix it
January 17, 2026 at 3:47 AM
@cologuardsupport.com I pooped in a cologuard box and mailed it in and i got a call a few days later saying my sample couldn't be processed because it had too high of a "froth factor" and that it broke the poop smushing machine and that they were going to invoice me for the parts and labor to fix it
The cot-caught merger is arguably one of the top 5 mergers
December 30, 2025 at 4:25 AM
The cot-caught merger is arguably one of the top 5 mergers
Reposted by Alice Lastname
Devastated to learn that the one person who consistently subscribed to me on OnlyFans was also subbed to the Pillsbury dough boy
November 28, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Devastated to learn that the one person who consistently subscribed to me on OnlyFans was also subbed to the Pillsbury dough boy
more like the toronto Blowjobs
November 2, 2025 at 6:33 AM
more like the toronto Blowjobs
Gonna start a band called the Non-Trivial Zeroes
November 1, 2025 at 5:11 AM
Gonna start a band called the Non-Trivial Zeroes
Just paid £95000 at auction for one of the rare first editions in which the One Ring was a prince albert
October 17, 2025 at 4:39 AM
Just paid £95000 at auction for one of the rare first editions in which the One Ring was a prince albert
We spent a trillion dollars on building a plagiarism machine that flatters your ego instead of putting that money into R&D for an actual good cause: teledildonics
September 7, 2025 at 3:16 PM
We spent a trillion dollars on building a plagiarism machine that flatters your ego instead of putting that money into R&D for an actual good cause: teledildonics
It should be called a Play 'n' Pack or Unpack 'n' Play, but, as it stands, it is in objectively the incorrect order
September 7, 2025 at 5:27 AM
It should be called a Play 'n' Pack or Unpack 'n' Play, but, as it stands, it is in objectively the incorrect order
Fuck yeah 34 year olds lets goooo
September 1, 2025 at 5:38 AM
Fuck yeah 34 year olds lets goooo
Hoping that the day comes soon when society will recognize that the entrepreneurial impulse to start a business and get rich is a form of psychosis
August 31, 2025 at 6:46 AM
Hoping that the day comes soon when society will recognize that the entrepreneurial impulse to start a business and get rich is a form of psychosis
Narcissus in 2025 just spending hundreds of dollars a month on chatgpt credits
August 31, 2025 at 6:20 AM
Narcissus in 2025 just spending hundreds of dollars a month on chatgpt credits
Trying to explain to my nephew how IRC was like if Discord was plaintext only and wasnt owned by a singular entity and didn't give you chronic migraines
August 31, 2025 at 5:55 AM
Trying to explain to my nephew how IRC was like if Discord was plaintext only and wasnt owned by a singular entity and didn't give you chronic migraines
Just want to clarify for the record that what I mean by "it happening" is Charlie Kaufman writing and directing a biopic of Clive Wearing starring Bill Nighy
right just so we’re clear, what I mean by “it happening” is Criterion releasing a 4K edition of In the Cut
Remember: any time I’m talking about “it happening”, I mean “Radiohead releasing a new album”
August 30, 2025 at 6:14 AM
Just want to clarify for the record that what I mean by "it happening" is Charlie Kaufman writing and directing a biopic of Clive Wearing starring Bill Nighy
Reposted by Alice Lastname
At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
August 30, 2025 at 5:49 AM
At the very least it’s fun to think of this as a sort of tailgate party before the big event
Jacking off, just about to cum, fitbit vibrates, I got in all my steps
August 25, 2025 at 6:06 AM
Jacking off, just about to cum, fitbit vibrates, I got in all my steps
My most toxic trait is that I don't like Bladerunner in any way except for the aesthetic and mise en scene
August 25, 2025 at 5:55 AM
My most toxic trait is that I don't like Bladerunner in any way except for the aesthetic and mise en scene
@acollierastro.bsky.social idk if you've seen it, but I think you might like Paycheck in the same way you like The Core
August 25, 2025 at 5:40 AM
@acollierastro.bsky.social idk if you've seen it, but I think you might like Paycheck in the same way you like The Core
Reposted by Alice Lastname
Now is an excellent time to shut up about shit you don't fully know about. Just take the shut and put it all the way the fuck up
August 25, 2025 at 4:57 AM
Now is an excellent time to shut up about shit you don't fully know about. Just take the shut and put it all the way the fuck up
Reposted by Alice Lastname
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you're using AI imagery, you're not "resisting", you're not in any sort of "resistance". You're capitulating, you're yielding. You're actively helping what you claim to oppose by using it.
August 21, 2025 at 12:45 AM
I don't know who needs to hear this, but if you're using AI imagery, you're not "resisting", you're not in any sort of "resistance". You're capitulating, you're yielding. You're actively helping what you claim to oppose by using it.
One day, my high school gym teacher singled me out in front of the class to use my bad back as an example of how "kids these days" are getting less and less fit. I was too embarrassed to clarify that I had injured my back due to routinely practicing autofellatio
i don't know when or how but at some point recently i seem to have injured my spine because one of the vertebrae feels bruised and i need it to heal already because i am far too young to have back pain
August 25, 2025 at 4:59 AM
One day, my high school gym teacher singled me out in front of the class to use my bad back as an example of how "kids these days" are getting less and less fit. I was too embarrassed to clarify that I had injured my back due to routinely practicing autofellatio
Me: There doesn't exist a prison that can hold me!
*Am escorted in cuffs to my cell*
Me: wow nevermind i was super wrong, these walls are concrete, im so fucked lmao
*Am escorted in cuffs to my cell*
Me: wow nevermind i was super wrong, these walls are concrete, im so fucked lmao
August 25, 2025 at 4:31 AM
Me: There doesn't exist a prison that can hold me!
*Am escorted in cuffs to my cell*
Me: wow nevermind i was super wrong, these walls are concrete, im so fucked lmao
*Am escorted in cuffs to my cell*
Me: wow nevermind i was super wrong, these walls are concrete, im so fucked lmao
I can't wait to see the results of the American experiment
August 24, 2025 at 5:15 AM
I can't wait to see the results of the American experiment
Reposted by Alice Lastname
Anger is holy. It's protective. It gives us strength and courage. Anger is a powerful force for GOOD.
August 18, 2025 at 4:19 AM
Anger is holy. It's protective. It gives us strength and courage. Anger is a powerful force for GOOD.
Bout to file a "ass claction lawsuit". Thats when i sue everyone who has ever wronged me
August 16, 2025 at 5:14 AM
Bout to file a "ass claction lawsuit". Thats when i sue everyone who has ever wronged me